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Chapter Thirty-Seven

Vivian

The weather has turned and now the sun hardly chases the chill from my bones. I’ve been here for ten weeks. Christmas is in four days and it fucking hurts to know that I won’t be there to spend it with my guys or my family. Fiona is a fucking bitch and refuses to allow me to leave even though I have told her everything. Thomas squealed weeks ago, the second they started interrogating him he folded so he wouldn’t get the death penalty. Unlike the other members, he isn’t being sent to a prison where he’ll get visitors, he’s going to Panama where he’ll spend the rest of his life rotting in a prison that is ruled by the inmates. Fiona says the guards are only there to make sure the inmates don’t escape, other than that they never enter the prison they just stand outside and shoot whoever tries to escape.

Have I been treated badly while I’ve been here? No.

Do I have freedom to roam the halls? No.

What they have done though means a lot, they brought me a cream colored urn that contains David—Tracer’s ashes. Fiona said he didn’t have any family and she thought he would want me to be the one to have them. I suddenly realize how Nova feels now, the person you cared for so much is nothing but a jar. This is what their life has amounted to, being burnt to a crisp and stuffed into a jar that will rest on a mantle.

Mike, one of the guys who first came to me with Fiona when I got here, has been giving me updates on my family and the guys. They are all at CHU, playing football and going to class like regular college students. Mike said there has been no sign of them wearing the masks which is good. I’ll miss the masks but their freedom means so much more. Mike managed to sneak me some photos of Ez, Hayze and Arch and I sleep with them under my pillow every night. It’s not the same as feeling their skin on mine but at least I have something to look at while I’m stuck in this prison cell every day.

The door opens but I don’t look up from my journal, Fiona brought it to me a few days after I woke. When I’m not doing physio on my leg, I write all day long. I’ve managed to formulate a code for bookkeeping, it needs more tweaks but I think this thing would help a lot of businesses to keep track of their expenses and profits.

“Your friends don’t quit, do they?” I ignore Fiona as I continue to work on my code. She likes to come here every day and taunt me. I know she doesn’t believe me when I tell her I have no idea where all the money went. “Did you know they hacked into the CIA’s server trying to find you?” I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling, they didn’t give up on me. “Thomas was transported to Panama last night.”

“Good,” I bite out.

“He wasn’t alone.” I lift my gaze to her finally. She leans against the wall next to the open door which is odd in itself. She always closes it behind herself when she comes in. Her arms are crossed over her chest. I raise my brow prompting her to continue. “Drew, Paul, Smith, Enders, Toby and Wayde will keep him company.” My brows hit my hairline in surprise.

“What did the six others do?” I rasp out.

Her face hardens. “They helped track down the other members that Thomas had planted, there were a lot more than we thought.” Her tone is ominous. “They had Saints planted in the fucking King’s guard! Those bastards were planning…” She clamps her mouth closed and shakes her head, clearly she has said too much and honestly, the less I know the better so I keep my curiosity in check and remain silent. “You ever gonna tell me what happened to the money?” She tries to sound casual but fails.

“I thought you said David listed everything in his report?” I know she only said that to scare me but if it was true, I would have been in handcuffs and sent to prison for embezzlement weeks ago.

A small smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. “You’re not what meets the eye, are you, Vivian?” Surprise thrums inside me, that's the closest thing she has ever said to a compliment.

“I wish I could say the same about you but that would be a lie. You look like a bitch and your personality matches it.” Instead of storming out of here like she normally does, she actually smiles, like a real one and nods her head in approval which just floors me.

“I didn’t get to where I am by sucking dick. In an industry dominated by men I had to become this bitch so I could rise. I admire you, Vivian.” I splutter and gape at her.

“You what?” I squeak out.

“I admire you.”

“Why?”

“You did what you had to in order to save the ones you love. You became the first lordess in the history of the Haven Saints. You did what no other woman has ever done, you led a brotherhood and took them down from the inside. I may not be able to prove that you were the one to bankrupt them and clearly Tracer knew the truth and still wouldn’t give you up. It’s because of the respect I had for Tracer Adams that I am going to trust his judgment of you and close this case.”

I leap off my bed and stand. I stare at her with my heart pounding inside my chest. I try to keep hope from rising inside me but it's futile. “What are you saying, Fiona?”

“You will have a tail on you, we’ll always be watching you, Vivian. If you so much as steal a candy bar I’ll cuff your ass so fucking fast your head will spin.”

“Are you letting me go?” I say barely above a whisper.

She purses her lips. “Stay away from any ex-members of the Saints. If you ever try to reconstruct the Saints, I will push for the death penalty.”

“Fuck the Saints, they can all rot in hell,” I snarl.

“Good answer, now get your shit together. You leave in twenty minutes.” She turns ready to leave but pauses in the doorway. She looks back at me over her shoulder. “You know what Tracer said in his report?”

I shake my head. “No.”

“He admitted that he might be compromised because he loves the Lordess of the Haven Saints like a daughter and didn’t think he could slap the cuffs on you when the time came.” Tears gather in my eyes. “Tracer Adams was one of the coldest sons of bitches I have ever known and never cared for anyone or anything except for his job. You gave him a chance to experience what it's like to love and for that you should be proud. Have a good life, Vivian. I hope I never see you again.”

I snort. “The feeling is mutual, Fiona, trust me,” I call after her, the fact she has left the door open has tears spilling, I’m free. The only thing I am taking with me is my urn filled with Tracer’s ashes.

I’m going home!

I’ve been blindfolded since the moment Mike came to get me and escort me out of wherever the hell I have been staying. The entire car ride I wasn’t allowed to look, even when I was led onto the plane. So I’ve kept my eyes closed and tried to quiet the war inside me.

Will they be happy to see me?

Will they be mad?

What if they don’t feel the same?

All those types of thoughts have been plaguing me and I can’t stop the fucking nerves from taking control. My palms are sweaty and my knees are weak, my leg is aching from not being able to move around but the pain is nothing like what it was when I first started healing. The doctor Fiona had, told me that it will take a while before I don’t walk with a limp which makes me feel insecure. I know it's stupid and will go away after some time, but it is what it is.

Another thing that has been bothering me is knowing that the guys would have been served the papers about Ezy A. They know the truth now. Will they hate me for what I did? I really fucking hope not because I only wanted to help them and with everything I managed to do while I was leading the Saints, it would set them all up for life.

I hope they will let me be a part of that life.

“You can take it off,” Mike says as the plane touches down. I push the blindfold up and slowly blink my eyes open, adjusting to the sudden blindness from the light. I press my face against the window and gasp at the sight of the airport.

“Holy shit, you brought me here?” I breathe out.

“Their last game is tonight before they all go on break for Christmas. I thought you would want to be there.” I turn away from the window and shoot Mike a grateful smile. Having him with me made being stuck there for months bearable. He has been a friend to me and I hope he knows that I will always be grateful for the care and compassion he showed me.

When we disembark there is a car waiting for us. I take a step toward it but freeze at Mike’s words. “Stay out of trouble, girl.” I turn away and frown at him, he’s still standing on the stairs of the plane.

“You’re not coming with me, are you?” I ask.

He smiles sadly and shakes his head. “This is the end of the road for me, kid. That car will take you to CHU.” I race back up the stairs and throw my arms around Mike. He stands there stiff for a second, then finally gives in and returns my hug.

“Thank you, Mike,” I whisper.

“Get out of here, kid,” he says. I pull back and smile up at him one last time, then race down the stairs toward the car.

The entire car ride I can’t seem to control my excitement or my freaking libido, the thought of seeing them again and being able to touch them, hold them and just breathe them in is exhilarating! I know I should probably stop and buy a phone to call my mom, but my need to see my guys is so overpowering that I know I won’t be able to do anything until I set my eyes on them. The drive takes longer than I wanted, thanks to an accident on the freeway. When the driver finally pulls into the parking lot, I shout my thanks, then jump out. The place is packed and I can hear the roar of the crowd. I curse beneath my breath, there’s only like five minutes left of the game. I take off toward the entrance and run through ignoring the girl shouting out that I need to pay.

I don’t stop until I’m gripping the railing. I can see the teams on the field. I scan my gaze over the CHU team, trying to spot my guys. I lean over the railing to try to get a look at the bench but I don’t see them, panic begins to build inside me.

“Vivian?” I whirl around and come face to face with Dawson.

“Hey,” I rush out then turn back toward the game. The QB snatches the pass, then that’s when it hits me, Dawson is the QB and so is Vox. But, if he is here and that guy isn’t my brother, where the fuck are they? I whirl around to face Dawson who is smiling wide.

“Looking for three specific guys?”

I chuckle and nod. “Yeah. Why aren’t you out on the field and who is the new QB?”

Dawson grins. “Technically, he’s the old QB.”

I cock my head to the side in confusion. “Huh?”

“Your guys and your brother aren’t here.”

“Oh my God, did they get dropped from the team?”

He shakes his head. “No, this game is to… settle old scores, so to speak. The Quarterback out there is my Uncle Corvin, my dad and other uncles are out there as well.”

I jerk back in surprise. “Why?”

He sighs and scrubs a hand down his face like this isn’t something new for him. “My Uncle Saint likes to run his mouth and then settle the score on the field. Knowing him, my uncles and Dad can shut down any other team. This game is for their pride, nothing more.” I roll my lips over my teeth to keep from smiling. Dawson rolls his eyes.

“Any chance you know where my guys are?” I hedge.

He smiles and nods. “Come on, I'll give you a ride.”

“Oh, you don’t have to?—”

He cuts me off before I can finish. “Trust me, you are saving me from having to listen to my dad and uncles talking shit about how they could beat me and my team's ass.” This time I can’t help but laugh. Dawson playfully glares, then leads me out of there with a hand on my back. Neither of us speak until we climb inside his car. I don’t realize I’m shivering until he turns the heat on.

“Thank you,” I force out, trying not to let my nerves overcome me.

“Don’t be nervous.”

“I’m not,” I fire back.

He gives me the side eye as he drives. “You’re bouncing in your seat.”

I instantly stop and tuck my hands between my legs to keep from fidgeting. “Where are they?”

“Packing,” he answers.

“For what?” I push.

“Your guys and your brother and Nova are coming up to my family’s cabin for Christmas. I believe your mom and the guys’ families are coming as well.”

“Oh,” is all I can manage to say, I have no right to feel left out.

“They didn’t want to go, Vivian. I practically forced them and blackmailed them by telling them that your guys' families needed to take their mind off everything. They relented.”

“Okay,” I mutter.

“We’re all heading there tomorrow.” I smile and nod, unable to form words. They were going to leave me behind. “No they weren’t.”

I snap my head toward him. “Huh?”

“You said that out loud.”

“Oh.”

“They made sure that my Aunt Katie would be taking her laptop and that the search for you wouldn’t stop while we were all away. I may have also used the excuse of them being able to watch Aunt Katie work to twist their arms into coming as well.”

“Why are you doing all of this?” I ask as he pulls his car over to the curb, just outside the guy’s house.

“Because my family went through something similar, different circumstances but still the same. I get what it feels like to feel trapped and I wanted to help. Plus, I actually like them.”

“You mean, you like them because they want nothing from you and you think you may have finally found some friends that won’t use you for your last name?” His face loses all trace of humor.

“Yeah, it’s nice to know that not everyone wants to know me because my last name is Dawson.” I reach across and place my hand on his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Thank you, Dawson, I’m happy I get to call you a friend.”

“Me too, Vivian. Now, get out of here before those three realize you’re out front and beat the snot out of me for you being in my car.” I can’t help the laughter that bubbles out of me. Dawson has helped lighten some of the tension coursing through me without even knowing it.

Ready or not, here I come.