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INDIE

Abased (v.): past tense, to behave in a way that belittles or degrades someone

Seven Years ago…

“ T heo! WAIT!” I gasped, struggling to keep up with my brother’s best friend. My hero. Then the man who saved me, bandaged my skinned knees, and gave me the strength to get back up when I fell.

The uneven ground didn’t feel real under my feet as I stumbled. Every step, clumsier than the last. I reached out to grab him, to make him listen, anything. My fingers brushed his back as I surged forward, desperate to get his attention at last.

My vision blurred, the world dancing before my eyes as my heart and mind fought to make sense of the last few hours. A battle I would soon lose, but until I did, I focused on the only thing I cared about.

The boy who always saved me, when I didn’t need it because I could do it myself and when I did, because I knew he would always keep me safe. Just like he always had. Just like now.

He spun around, fire ablaze in his eyes.

His blonde hair that had been artfully styled, I was sure, just moments before he found me, now askew.

As if he had been clenching and twisting it in frustration.

Hands clenched, jaw ticking like he wanted to throttle something.

Or someone. After years of watching him and my older brother, Isaac, battle it out on the ice and throw down their gloves, I knew if he found the douchebag who took off after attempting to assault me, he’d either kill the guy or get arrested for attempted murder.

Or was it manslaughter? I started shaking, the reality of what had happened sinking in with a finality that my brain refused to shield me from any longer.

A low growl emanated from him. “Tell me his name, Indra. Now.”

“I-I-I-” I clamped my jaw shut, tremors invading my body like a tsunami, words failing me, for once in my life.

As if waking up from a bad dream, I glanced down to where my hands clutched the front of my dress together.

He had torn it when he was kissing me. Not kissing me, because kissing required two people consensually enjoying or devouring each other.

Theo's eyes darkened with violence as he regarded me. The chords in his neck stood out as he towered over me. Anger emanated off of him in endless waves.

But I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t anything. Was I?

My breathing slowed momentarily. Because, this was Theo. The boy who picked up my bike when I wiped out, and then teased me until I stopped crying, even though Isaac insisted I was fine. And then threatened the boys laughing at me.

I wasn’t. I hated Theo seeing me at my weakest. Or failing. Always had.

And now? I feared the same feelings overwhelming me, but…

Nothing broke the sheen of ice coating my body. The shivers continued their violent onslaught. My bottom lip trembled, but I bit down on it so fiercely I let out a yelp.

“Jesus, Indie,” Theo bit out and whipped his hoodie over his head, and roughly pulled it over my trembling body.

Hands still clenched to the edges of my ruined dress.

The material stuck to my heated skin, his scent enveloping me in a cloud of comfort…

and Theo. His big hands that always seemed gentle to me rubbed my arms. My skin warmed, and eventually the chattering ceased.

But the anger in his eyes remanded. If anything, it grew before my eyes into a palpable thing.

Was I afraid now? Maybe.

But not for me. For Theo.

“Don’t-Don’t do anything, Theo,” I pleaded as feeling skittered across my skin once again. The numbness that held me in its thrall for the past half hour transformed into something even scarier. My brows drew together. “Why are you here?”

He glowered at me, and I shrank under his scrutiny. “You texted me, Indie.”

“I did?” The past few hours were a hazy jumble of memories that didn’t make sense, and I patted down my body, searching for my phone. “But I don’t have my-”

Theo held up my phone, thrusting it into my face. “You texted me. I need you. Help me.”

I flinched. Oh. Fuck. I remembered locking myself in the bathroom after the room started spinning after just two drinks, sure that someone had spiked my second with something. I hadn’t felt right, and my first instinct was to text for help.

And since Theo had always come to rescue, despite the way Isaac gave him shit for it, he was the first contact in my phone.

“But how-”

“Indie,” he growled, then scooped me up into his arms. “You’re in shock. And I was on a date nearby.”

I cringed and buried my head in his chest to stop the bouncing as he made his way across campus. “You were on a date? And you left?”

“Since you won’t tell me where to find the sorry fuck who did this to you, I’m taking back to your place.”

“How do you know where I live? You can’t carry me-”

“Stop talking, Indie.” The sounds of cars and horns filtered through the hood pulled snuggly over my head, and the muffled beating of his heart beneath my ear were a cacophony of sound as the seconds ticked away into minutes.

Until he set me down on my feet, hands beneath my elbows as I steadied myself.

Once he realized I wouldn’t fall over, he thrust my purse at me. “Keys, Trouble.”

I wrinkled my brow in confusion, and he bopped my nose just like he had when we were kids. He softened his voice. “Focus, Indra. Your… friend …flung your phone and your purse at me before I could run after that fucking scumbag. Keys,” he ordered again, with less growling but no less intensity.

I obediently dug them out of my tiny purse, and handed them over. The house was dark save for one light next to the oversized couch where the three of us binge watched The Vampire Diaries every other night. Ana and Brynn were still at the party, then , I thought numbly.

And, suddenly, I was all alone in the dark. With Theo.

The boy who helped me right my bike when I was eight and he was sixteen.

Bandaged my skinned knees. And the boy I had a crush on when I turned fourteen, though I barely understood the word and its meaning.

Even though he was older and teased me relentlessly, in the sweetest way.

Until he became so focused on his path to the big game that I faded away into the background.

The one who I watched play in his first playoff game in the NHL four years later.

My heart pounded watching him on the ice.

Every time. Practice, junior league. It didn’t matter.

Theo was a force to be reckoned with. A grumpy, focused force who had a reputation on and off the ice. Even though he was the boy I grew up with, this new version, all grumpy and slightly terrifying, threw me off.

A fire lit low in my belly as he stalked closer and closer.

“What the fuck were you thinking, Indie? You never let yourself be alone with anyone or leave your drink unfucking attended.” He stabbed a finger in my direction.

“You’re lucky your friend kept an eye on you after she overheard a few girls talking about not drinking anything without a fucking cap.

What if I wasn’t nearby? What the fuck would you have done? ”

I flinched. The harsh undertone of his voice caused me to shrink from him, but he didn’t stop even when I tried to explain. “Theo, I-”

“Stupid, Indie,” he softened his tone, though it still possessed a lethal edge. “And if I wasn’t so worried about you right now, that fucking guy wouldn’t ever be able to get it up ever again. Fuck,” he swore, and I flinched. “Shit. Come here.”

A sob slipped from me as he wrapped me in his arms and shut out the world with his body against mine.

“I didn’t know, I thought…” My voice broke, the reality of what had happened, what almost happened, what would have happened if Theo hadn’t shown up hit me like a tidal wave.

“He tried to- but I fought him, and then you-”

“Broke down the damn bathroom door.”

I shrank back, desperate to see his face, but his features were hidden in the shadows.

The back of my legs hit a chair, and I nearly fell back over the arm of it.

The light behind him made it impossible.

But the raw ferocity in his voice elicited a shiver down my spine when he spoke.

Once again, I thanked God I’d had the wherewithal to text him, even if I had a blurry recollection of pressing send.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, and sighed. Anger vibrated off of him, hitting me with an intensity that stole my breath away. “I’m sorry if I interrupted anything.” With a hesitant step closer, I continued, “But I-you came.” My eyes widened in wonder.

“You called, Indie,” he rasped, then bit out a curse. “There’ll be other dates.”

“There will?” The way he said it made me wonder if he wasn’t relieved to leave whoever behind. But another voice whispered that maybe he meant a second date with her.

He nodded. His eyes caught the journal on the side table highlighted by the light from a light outside. The intensity of his stare caused different shivers along my skin. “You still find words and doodle?”

My brow wrinkled, and I nodded. The silence stretched under the stand-off.

“With her?”

“Other dates?” I nodded. He shrugged a shoulder, which in Theo speak meant yes. “Maybe.”

The air grew thick with tension, and I swallowed, blinked, and squared my shoulders under his hoodie before I asked, “Did you want to leave her?”

“No, Indie. But I did.”

Hope bloomed in my chest. Scary and hesitant. But bloomed, nonetheless.

Again, he sighed, but didn’t step away as I moved closer.

Eyes hooded as they regarded me. The hem of Theo’s hoodie hitt the top of my thighs, covering the torn dress.

Caressing my skin and making my heart pound louder as I peered up at him.

Disguising the reminder of what had just almost happened.

I kicked off my heels, sinking down, the top of my head hitting him mid-chest. “What are you doing, Trouble?”

“I just want…to thank you,” I breathed in his scent, and rushed my next words before I lost my nerve.

. “For coming when I called.” Trembles wracked my body, not from the shock this time, or maybe it was, but from the need to ground myself in something real.

Theo had always been real for me. My body begged for something to make me forget the horror of the last hour. Replace it with something else.

Theo.

He came for me. Rescued me. Grumpy as he has become, he has always been there for me. When I fell off my bike. When I cried after my parents divorced.

And now, when he rescued me from being…I couldn’t complete the thought.

All I wanted was Theo. His hands, on my body. Erasing, replacing.

Desperately.

Strong. Reliant. Protector.

His eyes tracked my hand as it reached for him.

His heartbeat beneath my palm, steadfast. Its presence reminded me it was always Theo who had dried my tears.

He never let me down, and came because I called him.

Our breath mingled, the distance between us mere inches now.

I stared at his lips, at the sanctuary and relief from the emotions swirling in me they would provide.

I needed him, the distance between us a hindrance I erased with the slightest movement, leaning in and touching his lips to mine.

The world disappeared, all my thoughts turning to the want in me.

A fire jumped between our bodies. For a moment, the events that led to this moment disappeared and it was just us. Theo. Me. And a kiss.

Until the sound of the bathroom door slamming shut as he turned and a fuzzy image popped into my head. I flinched, and gripped Theo tighter, finding anywhere to touch him and chase away the image in my head.

Theo’s hands came up and grasped my wrists, and I sighed in relief. Until he forced my hands away from his body. Pushed me away, but held tight to my wrists. “Indie.”

No, I wanted him to kiss me, not push me away. I tried to kiss him, but this time, he shook me gently.

“Indie.” He said it with more force. “Look at me.”

I shook my head. Not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes.

“Indie!”

My eyes shot up to his face, tears stung them, pleading. “Please, Theo.”

“No. This is not happening, Indie. You need to shower, change into something else, and go to bed. Alone.” His eyes bore into mine. “You’re like a sister to me, and I was on a date, Indie. She’s waiting for me. Do you understand?”

My head reared back as if he slapped me. “What?”

“You’re in shock. Take a shower, and go to bed.”

“Sister?”

“Indie, you’re a kid.”

“I’m eighteen.”

“And I’m twenty -eight. You’re a baby, and this isn’t happening. Ever .” His tone turned cold, colder than he’d ever used with me.

Tears fell, hot and stinging, down my face. Over and over. He gave me one last look, and pivoted, giving me his back as he walked away.

The door slammed shut behind him, and Ana rushed over. “Oh my God, Indie! Are you okay?” My roommate enveloped me in her arms, as she checked me over. Making sure I was okay.

But I wasn’t. Because Theo rejected me.

When I needed him the most.