Page 23

I was lost in my head after visiting the cemetery and being confronted by both Sasha and Maxim about my thirst for revenge. They both seemed so convinced that I was wrong to be chasing it and nothing else and it forced me to really think about my life and where I’ve come from and where I’m headed—what I actually want for my future.

I really do want revenge. But now I want something else, too. I want connection. I want to get to know Sasha more. I want to spend time with her and enjoy my days.

It’s so difficult to juggle this internal battle between what I am so accustomed to and what my heart is leading me towards.

I've come to the conclusion that I should just give it time, but in that time, I should at least try to think about other things in my life that don’t revolve around my hatred of Danil Balakin.

So, I’ve been focusing more on Sasha.

She brings me a kind of happiness I’ve never really had before, and I’m curious to know where it might lead.

Sasha is in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea when I come through, stepping behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist.

She jumps and squeals loudly in fright.

I chuckle. “Wow. Are you okay? I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I’m fine,” she says quietly, but I can tell she isn’t. Her face is sullen, she’s biting her lower lip, and there are shadows under her eyes.

I turn her around to face me. “Did you sleep last night?”

“Kind of.” She shrugs.

“What’s going on? Yesterday you looked really tired, and today you look even worse.”

“I’ve been having nightmares.” She waves her hand in the air, trying to dismiss my concern.

I pull her way from the kettle. “I’ll make you some tea. Why don’t you go lie down in bed for a bit?”

“I couldn’t sleep now even if I tried.”

“Well, at least go and sit in the living room and relax?”

“I don’t want to relax,” she snaps suddenly, then she pulls her eyes away from me as her face fills with guilt. “Sorry, I don’t know why I was rude.”

“Hey, it’s okay. Let me make you some tea. Go sit down for a moment. I’ll bring it through and maybe we can decide on something to do together to cheer you up.”

“Okay,” she mumbles, walking out of the kitchen.

Her shoulders are sort of slumped and she looks exhausted. She looks emotionally drained for some reason, and I have no doubt that something is bothering her.

I need to figure out what it is. I want to make her feel better. I want to protect her from whatever is causing her to worry.

Maybe she just needs some reassurance from me. I know she is worried that I’m too focused on revenge. Maybe that is making her worry about her role in my life.

I decide, while I am making the tea, that I just need to show her somehow that she means more to me than just that.

I carry the tea through to the living room, where Sasha is standing by the tall windows looking out into the garden.

“Here you go, little flower.” I place the cup of tea on the corner table and walk over to her, pulling her into my arms. “Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay,” I say gently, kissing the top of her head. “I was thinking that tonight I could take you out to dinner, if you feel up to it. Or if you don’t want to go out, I will have a date night set up here for us.”

“A date night?” she smiles softly, and just the smallest light shines in her eyes.

“Yes, a date night.”

“I like the sound of having a private date night at home.” She is smiling more now. I trace my hands over her jawline and lift her face up towards mine. Gently I press my lips against hers.

I kiss her slowly and softly, then when I pull away, I say, “Be ready at seven o'clock sharp and wear your favorite, most beautiful dress.”

She bites her lower lip.

“Or wear your tracksuit pants. I just want you to be comfortable,” I laugh.

“I’ll be ready at seven,” she confirms with a little nod of excitement.

“Then, if you will excuse me, I have something special to plan, that you can’t know anything about.”

I grin and walk out of the room, leaving her to enjoy her tea and, hopefully, with something to look forward to.

***

On the very top floor of my house is a glass sun room where I often host parties in summer.

Tonight, I have turned it into a stunning private dinner venue.

Around the edge of the room, fairy lights are glittering like stars, and soft candles are flickering from the small round dinner table set up near the window. I’ve decorated the room with red roses and lit a fire in the corner fireplace to keep the space warm and cozy.

My chef has prepared us a three-course meal with a wine pairing for each course.

At seven o'clock sharp, I am waiting on the staircase in my black suit, ready to fetch my date. I have a single red rose in my hand and a grin on my face.

Sasha walks out of our bedroom in a gorgeous red dress. It hugs her body over her hips and then flares out around her long legs, showing off her curves in the most perfect way.

Her blonde hair is pinned up in an elegant loose bun, and her lips are painted red to match the dress.

Looking at her, my heart stammers to a halt, and my breath catches in my throat.

She is a vision.

I step towards her and hand her the single rose before wrapping one arm around her and pulling her against me.

“I can’t believe you are my wife,” I whisper against her ear as the warm scent of her perfume washes over me. “I hope you are hungry.”

“I’m very hungry.” She grins, and her eyes glitter with that light I love to see in them. The one that has been missing the last two days.

I take her hand and lead her upstairs to the top floor. When she walks into the glass sun room, she gasps.

“Leo, this is so beautiful. I can’t believe you did this all for me.”

“You deserve more than this . I only did this to see you smile.”

“Well, it worked,” she grins.

I hold her chair out for her as she takes her seat, and the chef comes through with our first course, pouring us each a glass of wine and explaining how it complements the carpaccio and basil dish he has prepared.

Sasha bites her lip nervously.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, worried again.

“I don’t want to ruin anything, but I think if I have wine now, it will just make me tired. Do you mind if I skip the wine?”

“Oh, I was just about to say the same thing,” I smirk.

“Were you?” She laughs.

“Oh, yes, definitely. I can’t stand wine tonight. Horrible stuff. What were we thinking we’d prefer? A nice freshly made fruit juice. Perhaps a sparkling water?”

“Sparkling water will be perfect.”

I love the sound of her laughter and the way her long lashes flutter when looks down. I love the shape of her lips and how she sucks her cheeks in when she gets shy.

“You really look gorgeous tonight, Sasha.”

“Thank you.” Her cheeks flush pink.

The chef pours us each a glass of sparkling water and then disappears to prepare the next course while we enjoy the carpaccio.

Our main course is braised lamb shanks with mushroom sauce and sautéed vegetables, and our final course is crème br?lée and whipped cream.

The chef places our desert in front of us and then leaves us to enjoy it.

Sasha picks up the long spoon and cracks the caramel sugar layer on top.

She bites her lip and then looks up at me with a serious expression in her beautiful eyes.

“Leon.”

“Yes?”

“Are you doing all of this just to get me to trust you? I mean—for your plan.”

She takes a slow breath, nervous about my answer.

I put down my spoon and stare into her eyes. My emotions are screaming inside me.

“It started that way at first. But it isn’t like that anymore,” I answer.

“What does that mean?” she pushes me further.

But I can’t answer her. I can’t answer because my mind has turned into chaos now that I’ve said it out loud. It really isn’t like that anymore.

She watches me for a long time, but eventually realizes that I’m not going to answer her question. She sighs and smiles. “This dinner has been so amazing. Thank you.”

“It’s not over yet.” I stand up and hold my hand out towards her. “May I have this dance?”

Her eyes grow wide with surprise and curiosity as she stands up and places her hand in mine.

I lead her to an open space in the room, stopping to turn the volume up on the music. I wrap my arms around her and hold her close to me, swaying to the music as it eases through us. I can feel the heat of her body against mine. Her scent is all around me again, and my fingers are playing with her hair. I pull out the clips that are holding it up and let it fall over her shoulders, down her back.

I cup her chin in my hand and tilt her head back, then press my lips against hers as we continue to dance.

Soon the dance turns more passionate as my body starts responding loudly to having her this close to me. She presses harder against me, feeling my cock growing.

I lean down, pulling the slit of her dress open and lifting her in my arms, wrapping her legs around my waist.

She gasps when I push her back against the wall and gently bite her neck.

Pulling my pants open, I free my cock, and then a low growl rumbles from my chest.

“You’re not wearing underwear.”

“You told me you wanted me to be comfortable,” she grins as I push my cock into her.

***

Lying in bed later that night with Sasha wrapped in my arms after another intimate session in the bedroom, her question is still churning in my mind.

I want to answer her. She deserves to know.

She lets out a soft satisfied moan as she snuggles closer to me, her arm around my waist as she lies in my arms.

“Sasha,” I whisper.

“Mm?”

“Your question, from earlier tonight, about what I meant when I said it isn’t like that anymore…"

She leans a little away from me so that she can look into my eyes. “Yes?”

I take a slow breath.

“The truth is, and I know some of it is obvious, but I never really got over the death of my family. Losing my parents and my sister when I was too young to really deal with it alone—it caused me to close off in a lot of ways. I’ve never stopped mourning them because I didn’t know what else to do. Even after all these years, I still can’t stop blaming Danil. I needed somewhere to point all of my anger and pain, and he was the obvious target. I wanted him to suffer for what he did.”

I pause, letting my thoughts catch up with me. “But now—I like what is happening in my life right now. I like this. Us. I like where it is going, and I want—I just want to ask you if you can be patient with me while I work all of this out.”

She props herself up on her elbows, lying on stomach as she listens to me.

The soft smile on her lips is warm and happy. “I can be patient,” she whispers.

Immediately a smile spreads across my face.

She wiggles forward and presses her lips against mine.

“I’ll be here, I can work through this with you or just support you in any way you need,” she says softly.

My heart overflows with emotion and I pull her tightly against me. Kissing her forehead, I whisper, “Thank you, for everything.”

I hold her all through the night as we lie close together, enjoying each other’s warmth and comfort.

Sasha falls asleep long before me, and I stay awake, wondering how exactly I am going to be able to let go of this consuming thirst for revenge.

I’ve never had a reason to think about anything else before, but now I do, and I have to figure out a way to let it all go. I need to figure out how I can move on.