Page 4

Nate

Sleep eluded me last night, as it always did, but this time it was for a different reason then haunted dreams of my past.

It was her.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the way Ellie had felt in my arms, the taste of her mouth, the sound she’d made when I’d kissed her, water surging around our legs. Couldn’t stop replaying the moment she’d looked me straight in the eye and said she wanted me.

Like she’d been thinking about it just as much as I had.

Like it was that simple.

Like wanting something was enough.

I’d learned the hard way that it wasn’t.

By the time dawn rolled around, I’d already been up for two hours, pacing my cabin like a caged animal and reminding myself of all the reasons this was a spectacular bad idea.

She was a client. She was leaving in four days.

She was soft and sweet and deserved better than a broken-down ex-soldier who couldn’t even trust himself to stick around when things got hard.

But when she showed up at the river with a backpack slung over her shoulder and that shy smile that hit me like a punch to the gut, every rational thought I’d had evaporated.

“Morning,” she said, like she hadn’t turned my entire world upside down the day before. Like she hadn’t kissed me senseless and made me want things I’d sworn off.

“Morning. Ready to fish?” My words were more grunts than syllables.

“You’re early,” she said with a teasing smile.

“I could say the same about you.”

She stood there wearing cutoffs that hugged her thighs and a soft, clingy t-shirt that did dangerous things to my self-control.

And then she smiled again—bright, easy—and that’s when I knew I was screwed.

There was more here than simple fishing lessons.

Much more. “I guess we better get started then.”

The look she gave me told me she saw through my tough act. That I was already building a wall between us. And damn if it didn’t hurt—how sad and accepting she looked.

I knew what she wanted. Hell, I wanted it too.

But I couldn’t destroy that innocence that was as much a part of her as her curves.

She didn’t just want a fling—all though her shy flirting was telling me that.

No, she wanted to feel something. To matter.

And I’d never trusted myself not to ruin anything that pure.

We fished for a while or at least pretended to. She cast better than she had the day before, her line flew straighter, her form tighter. Those soft curses still left her pouty mouth when she messed up and she still bit her lip when she concentrated. That damn lip had been haunting me in my sleep.

She’d kissed me yesterday, and I hadn’t stopped her.

Hell, I’d kissed her back like a drowning man.

Now everything between us was sharper. Vibrating with things left said. Every time she brushed against me or looked at me a second too long, I felt it. Like a wire pulled tight, ready to snap.

She stood knee-deep in the water beside me now. She’d taken off her cap an hour ago and now the sun lit up her dark hair. Her cheeks were pink from heat and exertion.

“Am I getting better?” she asked, flicking her line out with a graceful little snap.

“You’re not bad,” I admitted.

“High praise,” she muttered with a grin.

She glanced at me from under her lashes, eyes playful, but there was something else in them too. Something hungry. She wanted me. That knowledge became a living thing under my skin. A wildfire I knew would burn out of control if I let it.

“Come on,” I said, taking the rod from her hands before I could do something stupid like kiss her again. “Let’s see if we can get you a fish today.”

She was getting good. Really good. Her casts were smooth and confident now, her line landing exactly where she aimed it. She read the water like she’d been born to it, spotting the subtle currents and eddies where trout liked to hide.

And I watched her. God help me, I couldn’t stop watching her.

The way she bit her lower lip when she concentrated. The way her eyes lit up when she felt a fish hit her line. The way she moved through the water with growing confidence, no longer the clumsy city girl who’d hooked me that first day.

She was beautiful. Not just pretty—beautiful in a way that made my chest ache. Beautiful in a way that made me want to be the kind of man who deserved her. Beautiful in a way that made me forget how to breathe.

“There,” she said, pointing to a spot where the current created a small pool behind a fallen log. “That looks promising.”

“Good eye.” I moved behind her to adjust her stance, and the familiar jolt of heat shot through me when our bodies aligned. “Cast just upstream of the log. Let the fly drift down naturally.”

Her backcast brushed my chest and again her scent rose. It made me want to bury my face in her neck and breathe her in. Hell, it made me want to know if she smelled as sweet all over.

“Like this?” she asked, glancing back at me.

“Perfect.” The word came out strained, and she noticed. Of course she noticed. Ellie noticed everything.

“Nate?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we going to talk about yesterday?”

I should have said no. Should have kept things professional. Should have done a dozen things that weren’t stepping closer and letting my hands settle on her waist.

“What about it?”

“The part where you kissed me. And then spent the rest of the day looking like you wanted to take it back.”

Direct. Honest. No games, no manipulation. It was exactly what I’d learned not to trust, and exactly what made me want to trust her more than I’d ever trusted anyone.

“Maybe I do want to take it back.”

She turned in my arms, the rod forgotten. “Do you?”

The smart answer was yes. The safe answer was yes. The answer that would protect both of us was yes.

“No,” I said instead.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“The problem is you don’t know me, Ellie. Not really.” I forced myself to step back, out of the water and put some space between us. “You don’t know what you’re getting into.”

“So tell me.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Sure it is.” She reeled in her line and set the rod aside, giving me her full attention. “You think I’m some naive city girl who doesn’t know what she wants. I have one passion in my life, Nate. I love teaching. I’m good at it. I just... I’ve never been bold about anything else in my life.”

“And you think being with me will make you bold and brave?”

“Yes, I do.”

The certainty in her voice almost undid me. “I could break you, Ellie. Easily.”

“But you won’t,” she said with quiet confidence that hit me like a physical blow.

“How do you know?”

“I’m good at reading character. I can do it with five year olds or someone older.” A small smile played at the corners of her mouth. “There’s a fundamental something in everyone that’s easy to see if you look close enough.”

Damn. She saw right through me, past all the walls and defenses to something I wasn’t even sure existed anymore. She saw the man I used to be, the man I wanted to be again.

It terrified me.

Because if she was right about me—if I could be that man again—then I had no excuse to walk away.

“You don’t understand,” I said, running a hand through my hair. “I’m not... I’m not the same person I used to be. I was in the military. I got injured and it changed me. Made me harder. Colder. The last woman who tried to love me couldn’t handle it.”

She didn’t ask questions about the past I was giving to her in bits and pieces. She just said, “I’m not her.”

“No, you’re not.” I looked at her—really looked at her—standing there in the middle of the stream with her chin lifted and her eyes steady on mine. “You’re braver than she ever was. That’s what scares me.”

Thunder rumbled overhead, and I glanced up to see dark clouds rolling in fast. I cursed myself for not noticing earlier. Mountain weather could turn in minutes, and this looked like it was going to be a big one.

“We need to get out of the water.” I gathered up most of the gear and motioned for her to get the rest.

“But—”

“Now, Ellie. That’s not a request.”

She must have heard something in my tone because she didn’t argue, just followed me as I led her over the shoreline and up to the rocks along the side of the river.

There was a small overhang that I’d used before when the weather turned suddenly.

It would provide enough shelter for the two of us.

We made it just as the first fat raindrops started to fall.

The overhang wasn’t big—barely enough room for both of us to sit side by side with our backs against the stone. The rain came down in sheets, hitting the river hard and fast.

“Guess lunch is happening here,” Ellie said, pulling her backpack onto her lap.

She’d packed sandwiches, fruit, and two bottles of water. Simple food that tasted like the best meal I’d had in months, maybe because she’d thought enough about me to bring it. Maybe because we were sharing it in a space so small I could feel the heat radiating from her body.

Or maybe because I wanted to lean over and taste her mouth instead.

“Thank you for lunch.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Least I could do for, um, injuring you.”

“Hazard of the job.” I took another bite of the simple fare and felt a sense of peace roll over me that I hadn’t felt in forever. “Sharing lunches with the clients is another.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I’ve had enough charred hot dogs from tourists to be cautious.”

“Glad I raised the bar.” She popped a grape in her mouth and I tried to ignore the memory of how sweet she’d tasted.

We ate in silence, watching the rain continue to fall. Our shoulders brushed. Our arms. Soon, I was feeling those effects throughout my body. After putting everything away, she turned to face me, her knee brushing mine in the confined space. “Tell me about her. The woman who left.”

I should have deflected. Should have changed the subject. Should have done anything except look into those honest brown eyes and tell her the truth.

“I thought we were on the point of getting engaged. But after I was injured, things changed. She changed. I changed. She stuck around long enough to make sure I wasn’t going to die. Then she decided she couldn’t handle being with someone who wasn’t the same man she’d fallen in love with.”

“What happened? How were you injured?”

“IED. Afghanistan. I caught some shrapnel in my leg and had to have multiple surgeries. It too me months to walk properly again.” I touched my thigh unconsciously, where the scars were hidden under my jeans.

“She said she still loved me, but I could see it in her eyes. I wasn’t the man she wanted anymore. ”

“She was an idiot.”

The blunt assessment startled a laugh out of me. “She was practical. Smart, even. Why stick around for the damaged version when you could find someone whole?”

“You keep thinking love is about finding someone flawless,” she said softly, still holding my gaze. “But maybe it’s about finding someone who’s still standing—even after everything. Someone who doesn’t flinch when it gets hard. Someone who’s trying.”

Her words hit harder than any blast ever had. Because she saw me. Not the version I used to be. Not the scarred man I tried to hide. She saw this version—bitter, quiet, bruised—and she still looked at me like I mattered.

I couldn’t say what I wanted to. That I knew everything she was saying was true. She was her for a moment. Not staying.

And I was not falling.

Or at least that’s what I told myself.

The rain pounded harder against the rocks, but all I could hear was the sound of my own heartbeat and the quiet certainty in her voice. And before I could stop myself, before I could remember all the reasons this was a bad idea, I was kissing her again.

This time, she was ready for me. Her hands tangled in my hair, pulling me closer, and when she opened her mouth under mine, I was lost. Completely, utterly lost.

Her taste was sweet and she made small sounds against my mouth that drove me crazy. When I pulled her closer, she came willingly, pressing herself against me like she couldn’t get close enough.

Her softness. Her warmth. Her trust.

I wanted to touch her everywhere. Wanted to strip away the layers between us and show her exactly how much I wanted her. Wanted to forget every rule I’d ever made about keeping people at a distance.

But this wasn’t the place. She deserved better than being taken against a rock wall during a thunderstorm.

I forced myself to pull back, resting my forehead against hers while we both tried to catch our breath. “We should stop,” I said, though it was the last thing I wanted to do.

“Should we?” She placed a kiss on my jaw.

“If we don’t stop now, I’m not going to be able to.”

She looked at me with those clear brown eyes, and I saw my own want reflected back at me. “Maybe I don’t want you to stop.”

“Ellie...”

“I know what I’m saying, Nate. I know what I want.”

The rain was starting to lighten, and I knew we’d have to head back soon. But for now, in this small space with this incredible woman looking at me like I hung the moon, I let myself believe that maybe she was right.

And maybe I didn’t have to spend the rest of my life alone after all.