Page 63 of Fixate

We all knew that if this had happened in the Bratva, it would be handled the same way.

Marriage alliances were a wonderful thing and helped for many years, but if one of those people chose to go against their partner, they were fair game.

Stasia had made her bed. She just chose the wrong bed partner.

Pharrell and I left the restaurant and climbed back into the car. We were driven a few streets over, then stopped. The door opened and Pip launched himself into the vehicle with Henri right behind him.

A couple of other guys climbed in too, weapons strapped to their chest and grins on their faces.

"Good work," Pharrell said to the group before pulling out his phone and typing away at the keyboard.

My jaw dropped as I watched all of them discuss how epic it was to fuck with the Bratva. How they wished that they'd had more time to really screw them over and maybe blow their brains out.

The last part was definitely Pip. Henri didn't care. He was happy he didn't have to deal with the paperwork that would come from The Restaurant.

Apparently, banishment included a lot of fines and signatures, something Henri didn't enjoy.

The longer I stayed with these men, the more I learned about them. And the more I learned, the more I found myself feeling whole, like there was something about them that just made sense.

I wanted to have more time with them. Getting to know them was healing a part of me I hadn’t realized was even broken.

I hoped that whatever was coming our way wouldn't end it too soon.

CHAPTER 23

Ricardo

With the Bratva dealt with,life took on a steady pace. Pharrell was unbothered by the tension still bleeding through his men. They weren't upset about Stasia anymore. It was frustration over not having a solid form of leadership.

They wanted someone to step up to the helm like Stasia had. And Pharrell, to his part, wanted the same. He just didn't know who to appoint.

Pip was unstable.

Henri didn’t want the job.

And I was too new to be put in the role.

Even though I did have the most experience, I wasn't offended at all. In fact, my mind was deep in other areas of my life.

Namely, the fact that I wanted to fuck Pharrell. Or rather, I wanted him to fuck me.

These thoughts plagued my mind day in and day out, taking up valuable time that could have been used to help Pharrell. I was thankful that nothing had gone amiss while I daydreamed.

For all that I knew about sex and relationships, anal was not my favorite. I didn't do it with a lot of the women I'd been with, simply because it was one of those things that took a lot of prep. My hookups were always in and out situations.

I wanted to get in, get off, and move on. Anything that would delay that was a no-go for me.

Whenever I thought of sex with Pharrell, I realized I wanted to take my time. That I needed to really feel what it would be like with him.

Which meant I needed practice. I needed to truly give myself time to see if him fucking me was even possible.

After a heavy Google search and some online window shopping, I decided getting toys was my best bet.

The biggest issue was that I would have to order them and pick them up. I hated the idea of waiting since I desperately wanted to know what being with him was going to be like. The sooner I got the toys, the quicker I could prep myself.

And the more prepped I was, the sooner I could seduce him.

Or at least attempt to.