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Chapter One

Etterian Battleship, Kushin

Orbiting Earth

Decades later.

12252 years, 6 th month

S oulless, adrift, eking out a life as oneself.

Endless nights, eternal cold, uncountable stars leading one astray.

No joy, no laughter, to feel is to fail.

Fake glare, fake anger, to feel is to derail.

None know what one hides.

The constant fear, what one must abide.

The temptation to release, to be free

Is a barrage on one’s control or one’s psyche.

How to find meaning is a conundrum.

To fight, to kill is as dooming

As to love, to thrill in the dull hum of existence.

Nerx huffed at his words. Well, that said it all about his state of mind. He scanned the holographic poem on his O.D.I. then archived it. No one would read it other than himself. He ran his fingers along his brow, checking for the telltale lines of his perpetual glower.

His males hurried past him, carrying panels, beds, and tools, all to aid the arrival of human damu .

Etterian life had altered after Prince Enyl found his Dar Eth among human women.

The species from Earth was weak, emotional, lacking control, and often petty.

Still, the women smelled amazing, the softness in their curves and expressions.

No, for him, he wanted a Dar Eth who was harder in character, didn’t fear him, and made him laugh.

The latter would need to break through the control he’d mastered since he was a damu .

The void each Etterian carried had begun to expand within him far sooner than anyone he knew and with reason.

He shoved aside the fleeting memory of Kyerx’s face.

The darkness that day had engulfed his soul had been the void. Father had ignored him when he’d asked about it, but Medic Skyl had answered his questions in private. So he wore his scowl to deter the sharing of laughter, joy, anger, anything that could cost him his soul.

“Hello,” a small voice whipped Nerx’s gaze down.

He frowned at the miniature human female staring at him with her huge blue eyes. She was so thin, and she clutched something filthy in her tiny hand. It looked like dirty brown fur from a kreso and appeared to be missing an eye.

What summoned a pang of compassion were the circular scars on her arms. At the abuse she must have suffered, he scowled at the anger exploding in his chest.

“Hello, minus susa .” He softened his tone, not wanting to frighten her.

“Are you the captain?” she demanded, her gaze fixed, determined despite the tremble in her shoulders.

“Captain?” Nerx repeated the word, disliking the bitter taste of it.

“Uncle Kanzo says this is a large ship, and a ship has to have a captain.” At her announcement, she gave him a firm nod.

Nerx exhaled an exaggerated sigh. He didn’t have the time nor the inclination to explain the Etterian rankings to an uneducated human female damu .

“Yes, I am the…captain.” He cringed at the lie. Since he was the acting ‘captain,’ he wasn’t speaking an untruth. Then against his better judgment, he continued, “I am called a sub-commander.”

She studied him for a moment, then raised one dirt-smeared hand.

“Up,” she said. Nerx stared at her little fingers then glanced around, in search of someone to remove her from his presence.

Since Etteria had adopted abandoned damu from Earth, Nerx had expected to meet their caregiver first. He’d spent the last hour overseeing the restructuring of an officer’s quarters for their use. Yet, the female was nowhere to be seen, with only this demanding damu .

“Up,” she said again.

Only then did he recognize the emotion in her eyes—fear.

Something within him shifted, and he found himself lifting her. She was so small and light that he could hold her against his chest with one arm, which he did, just under her backside. She snuggled against him to rest her head above his collarbone.

The swirling warmth in his chest registered… Trust . The level of faith she had in him, a stranger, was awe-inspiring. She expected him not to drop her but also to keep her safe.

While holding her, he instructed his males as they remodeled a few officer’s quarters to suit the needs of the human offspring.

He kept his jaw on the crown of her head to ensure she was secure.

Each time he brushed his chin across her hair, her sweet scent rose.

Her presence offered comfort he hadn’t known he needed.

Her breathing became calmer. Her hand slumped.

She must have fallen asleep. Yet nothing drove him to put her down, to locate someone to see to her needs. She’d chosen him, not anyone else.

“It’s a good thing Lily only naps for about an hour.” A human woman smiled at him. He blinked at her exquisite purple eyes.

The damu was called Lily? He liked it.

“I’m Olivia…”

He gestured to the modified area. “Please take a moment and assess if this will suit your needs?” He activated the door and waited for her to enter the main room.

A bed rested against the left wall, large enough for an Etterian male.

On the other side, there were a few comfys adjusted to a lower height to accommodate the offspring, and more display vids were added to the walls.

“The replicators and rehydrators have restricted access, as do the security panels on all doors. The waste receptacles have been lowered. The cleansing rooms now stock smaller wraps. The beds within the bedrooms have been lowered, as well. A male will be on guard as an additional precaution; though the males selected will need to be vetted by you.”

“This is wonderful, Nerx. Your males have such a calming effect on the children. I appreciate their willingness to ‘guard’ them for me.” She flashed him a smile.

Nerx grumbled at not being properly addressed by his rank, but he couldn’t expect her to follow protocol when she didn’t know it.

“Your quarters is across the passage with ladies Ruby, Neve, and Saira will sharing as requested. Theirs is alongside yours for convenience.”

“Is there closet space, Nerx?” Lady Olivia asked when she entered the first bedroom.

He touched a metallic panel. It opened to reveal shelves and hooks.

They too had been lowered for easier access.

“I’m happy and grateful. Thank you for going to all this effort.

” She glanced up at him and smirked. “Need me to take her from you?”

He tightened his hold around Lily, a surge of protectiveness catching him off guard. “May I keep her for now?” he asked.

“Yes, though she may pee on you,” Olivia said but a twitch at her lips revealed her teasing.

He grunted. Not many dared to be so casual with him; only his closest battle-bonds risked it.

“She used to when she first came to me. She had fresh wounds, was scared, and the slightest noise would cause her to wet herself.” Olivia offered a sad smile then chuckled. “Relax, Nerx, I’m just kidding. She’ll let you know when she needs to go.”

“Who harmed her?” he growled.

“Her father, so the fact she trusts you and Kanzo is a miracle in itself.” Saying no more, Olivia left him to wander through her temporary home.

Nerx rubbed Lily’s back. If he had the father’s whereabouts, the battleship would make one illegal stop. And start a war with Earth in the process? He scowled at that thought. Perhaps just a kuta trip to the surface might be better received.

He went about his duties, ignoring the stares from his males, keeping his voice to a whisper, though just as fierce lest anyone questioned his authority.

He stood on the upper platform of the bay, watching his males perform their tasks.

When the pilot called out a warning and the shield flickered into place, Nerx slipped into a service closet and shut the door.

There he waited for a few minutes until the bay doors shut—the thump easily discernible with his enhanced hearing.

He'd just closed the service panel behind him when a female approached, her steps shorter than his males’s.

“Do you want me to take Lily?” Kanzo’s Dar Eth, Ava, asked, striding from the direction of the kuta .

Again, he tightened his hold around Lily. “I have been given permission to keep her with me for now.”

Ava grinned at him and shrugged. “Don’t tell the other children, but she’s my favorite.”

“Trust Lily to find the biggest and baddest alien and make him her champion,” a human damu , halfway to fully grown, chuckled at the sight of Lily fast asleep.

Bad? He gritted his teeth. “That is an untruth.”

“Neve means that Lily found the strongest and fiercest Etterian male to protect her.” Ava patted his forearm. The urge to snatch it away pummeled him, but doing so would disturb Lily.

“Then it is a truth.” He shared a tight smile as per protocol in these…odd situations. The grimace flittering across Lady Ava’s delicate features said he’d failed to appear friendly.

“Here, eat this.” She pressed something against his lips.

He tried to jerk back, but she insisted. At the aroma of chocolate, he opened his mouth then scowled at her while he sucked on the sweet human treat.

“I do not need this,” he grumbled.

Ava ignored him and shoved the remaining re-wrapped chocolate bar in his back pocket. He slid away, not appreciating her touching him. Did these women not understand personal space?

“Give some to Lily when she wakes up,” she called, gathered a few bags, then ushered Neve down the passage.

Nerx finished the chocolate she’d shoved into his mouth, and as the sugar hit his veins, he allowed his shoulders to sag an inch. Only then did he admit he’d needed it. Though he preferred not to consume too much of it, for it dulled the line between control and happiness.

Lily shifted, her breathing altering as she climbed from the depths of slumber.

“Captain?” she whispered.

“My name is Nerx.”

She leaned back, almost falling off but gave no indication she noticed her precarious position.

Again, his chest swirled with heat. Trust. On the battlegrounds of Aluna, he’d shared such a bond with his battle-bonds.

Yet he had never experienced it this quickly or intensely.

He prodded his void, finding it hadn’t grown.

How odd. ‘To feel is to fail’ was the Etterian mantra all warriors carried with them.

She cupped his face, pressing to his cheek the ear of the brown thing she carried. “Nerxie? I need to pee.”

He glanced at his surroundings, checking to ensure no one was near, then smiled at her. “Come.” When he entered their new quarters, she wiggled.

“I can walk.”

He lowered her without hesitation, but she grabbed his hand, holding on tight. Adjusting his stride to cater for her little steps, he ushered her to the cleansing room. The door slid open as they approached.

She hurried ahead then faced him. “Please…don’t leave me.”

“I will be here, minus susa ,” he said, pointing to his feet.

She stared at his boots, met his gaze, then nodded. The door closed, granting her privacy. She broke into birdsong, her voice high and adorable.

Nerx grinned. Her company was not as taxing as conversing with the women.

The birdsong stopped, water ran, then the door opened with her patting her palms on her dirty pants. She slipped her hand into his and smiled at him. His world tilted on its axis. If the Maker shone His light on him, then he’d have a daughter just like Lily.