Page 8

Grif

N erves collided in my belly as I sat in an exam room at the doctor’s office. With the game tonight, I should be napping. However, the need to know whatever it was the doctor had to tell me burned me from the inside out. I wasn’t sure I could go another day living with that uncertainty.

So here I was.

As I waited, I scrolled through pictures of Verity being buried in the sand by Maimer rookies. Her absence left a gaping hole in my soul. Sure, we talked, we texted, but it wasn’t the same.

One thing we hadn’t spoken about was what she’d whispered in my ear as she got on the bus. I’ll always love you. No matter what. Even if you’re a gamma.

While I loved the sentiment, it baffled me. What gave her the idea that I was a gamma ?

Still, she’d figured something out. On her own.

If she’d done that, who else had?

My phone lit up and I silenced it. Chet was not taking me firing him well. Stu had smoothed things over with the Knights GM. Hopefully, we’d have that contract before Verity returned from her trip.

Again, my phone lit up, but it wasn’t Chet.

“Hey, Stu.” Anxiousness filled me. Hopefully, it was good news.

“Hi, Grif. Did you see that they’ve announced the fan picks for the All-Star game?” Stu asked me.

“No. Dean got it, didn’t he?” While as nice as a rest during the All-Star break sounded, it was always fun to attend. Dean had gotten to play a couple of times. I’d only been once for the rookie games with AJ, back when we’d been Hurricanes.

This year, Elias Royce, our team captain, was captaining one of the four All-Star teams–a huge honor. But Elias had been at this a long time and was getting ready to retire.

“Sadly, Dean didn’t make it this year. Goalies are tough considering how few of them are on a team compared to other positions,” Stu said. “However, you made the popular vote cut. By quite a bit.”

I pulled it up on my phone to check. “Did I? Wow, I didn’t even know I was up for consideration.”

This year I’d been too busy to follow it. Especially when I hadn’t gotten it last year, from either the Hurricanes or the fan vote.

“Congratulations. It’s in Boston this year, so that should be fun for you,” he told me.

“I can’t believe it. Wow. Thanks for letting me know.” My mind reeled. I’d gotten picked by the fans for the All-Star team, and it was in Boston. Perfect. We could stay in the house I’d bought Dean and I could see what all needed to be fixed.

“There’s a few tickets available for sale for your family, so let me know and I’ll handle it,” he added.

“I’ll buy every ticket they’ll let me have,” I told him. The pack would want to come, as would my family and Dean’s. “Thanks again.”

I ended the call and took a screenshot of me being chosen and I sent it to the group chat–and to Verity.

Me

I'm an All-Star!

Come with us?

It would be great fun. There weren’t only the games, there were contests for the mascots, rookies, and goalies. There were also fun skill competitions and other mayhem.

Verity

If I can, I will! Congratulations.

Jonas, AJ, and Dean all bombarded me with well wishes.

Griffin McGraff, All-Star. Fuck me.

Dr. Arya, in her lab coat, came into the tiny exam room and sat down in the chair adjacent to the exam bed where I sat.

“Griffin, my apologies for making you wait. People kept having emergencies.” She consulted her tablet.

“Okay, so what’s wrong with me?” And how do we fix it? My knee jiggled with nerves, that high of being chosen for the team evaporating.

“Let’s start with the good news. Your hormone levels are fantastic, which is probably why all these things are happening to you.” Dr. Arya looked up at me.

“That makes sense.” How they could read my hormones with all the crap in my system, I didn’t know. While for an ordinary omega, fantastic hormones were a good thing, I was trying to keep mine under wraps.

I hadn’t even considered that finally getting my pack together might put my omega in the ideal position to burst out. Not only did I not want that, I didn’t need my body deciding to override my suppressants and go into heat or any other omega biological bullshit.

My belly dipped as I went to my real question. “What about my kidneys?”

“They’re not as good as I hoped, but not as bad as I feared.” Her look grew pensive.

“Well, that’s good, right?” Because that kept me up at night. I wanted to ruin my omega parts, not the rest of me.

She showed me a graph on her tablet. “You’re going to have to make some choices if you don’t want to have serious health problems very soon.”

The graph made little sense and I frowned at it.

“I should be able to go off the blockers and suppressants for the summer. But I’m afraid of what will happen if someone finds out that I’m hiding my designation. My career is important to me.” I winced because this was a lot all at once.

“I know,” she soothed. “People are going to find out eventually. Right now, it’s a tossup over what outs you first–you collapsing because of kidney or heart problems during a game or your nature bursting out for all to see. One of those will happen before the season is over and after that, all the blockers and suppressants in the world won’t help you.”

Bile rose in my throat because I didn’t like either of those scenarios. They were both incredibly possible, especially after what happened in the locker room with Dean.

“I’m surprised, given what you told me in your last visit about your blocker overdose, that major health setbacks haven’t happened sooner,” she told me, checking her tablet again.

I sighed. “We all were. What am I going to do, Doc? We’re finally together. ”

“I changed your blockers and give you a nutrition plan to follow. It will buy you time to talk to your pack and make a plan. This is a when not if situation,” she warned.

That was a lot to swallow in itself.

No, I didn’t want that to happen to me. If it did, my hockey career really would be over. It could also change my quality of life and the time I had with my pack.

I’d hidden for so long, had so much fear…

“What about suppressants?” I worried about going into heat. I’d only had a couple, and none had been very good experiences.

“For now, those should be fine–as long as you don’t push yourself too hard. A light scent blocker for work should be okay, too. I know this is hard. You don’t have to do this alone,” she added.

Not sure a light scent blocker, the type omegas might take before going out or to their average job, would be good enough for the PHL. Dean took something heavier than that before games, so it wouldn’t tamper with gameplay. Not that he took anything close to what I did now that he no longer had to hide.

I gulped, feeling sick. “My pack will support me.”

But could I get through it myself?

“Not only do you have your pack, but once you have a gamma or omega designation in your file, you can go to the Omega Center and have full access to all their services. Including medical services, counseling, and an advocate to help you through this,” she assured.

Oh. I hadn’t even thought of that. Dean had gotten legal help from them after he’d been outed. He also had an advocate, who was basically a personal counselor and caseworker.

“One thing to think about–quickly–because your hormone levels are rising, is what would you rather have your official designation listed as–gamma or omega? It looks like you’re going to push back over to omega pretty soon, which is rare but happens. I don’t understand enough about hockey to know which would be better. At this moment, it is an option,” she said. “Obviously, if you pushed over to omega, you could get retested and have the new designation put in your file if you wished.”

Once a designation was in your file, it stayed there, unless you got retested and had it changed, which was part of how I could hide as a beta. Though, if you had enough money, you could pay someone to change it for you.

Dr. Arya turned her tablet so I could see some tables I didn’t understand, showing genetics and hormones.

If Verity were here would she be able to help me understand it?

I stared at the chart as her words soaked into my brain.

“Wait, I actually did something to my omega after I overdosed and made myself a gamma?” I hadn’t even realized one could become a gamma after awakening as an omega. I’d never gone back for a follow-up after I overdosed, out of fear.

“You didn’t know? Yes. When you’re fully tested, you register as a gamma. Though barely.” She rubbed her forehead.

Oh. Wow. The basic prick test only registered the three main designations. A full test was required for other designations, such as gammas, kappas, and iotas. Though it didn’t pick up illegal designations. That was a separate and highly regulated test.

Dr. Arya continued, “Every gamma is different, but generally the closer you are to awakening as an omega when you become a gamma, the more omega-like you are. Given you were already omega when it happened, it makes sense it would push back into place when your situation changed.”

“That’s something to think about,” I told her, slowly. Not that I knew which would be better.

I’ll always love you. No matter what. Even if you’re a gamma.

Verity was right. How did she even know? I yearned to ask. But it wasn’t a text message conversation. I’d wait until she returned.

“Thank you, Doc.” Tonight, I’d have to talk to the guys about all this. Hopefully, they’d have some good ideas.

First, I had to get ready for the game.

“Are you okay, Grif Graf? While you played great, there was something off.” Coach Atkins came up to me in the locker room after the game with a worried look on his face.

It had everything to do with how heavily everything weighed on me. Though the team had won, 2-1, and I’d scored a goal.

“I’m not feeling good,” I told him. It was all nerves. I was still reeling from the information I’d gotten from Dr. Arya.

“Well, rest up. We’ve got another game tomorrow.” He patted me on the shoulder. “Congrats on making it to the All-Star team. While it’s a thrill to be selected, I always thought it was extra special when the fans chose you.”

“Good game.” Carlos smacked me on the ass with a towel.

Everyone was in a good mood as we listened to the coaches give their rundown, hit the bikes and ice baths, showered, and got dressed. A lot of them were making plans to head to Tito’s.

Finding a quiet place in the corner, I called Verity. She’d texted me while I was playing.

“Please tell me they caught whoever wrecked your greenhouse?” I blurted. The idea of them out there still made me nervous. Also, I felt terrible. They went after her because of us.

“We identified her. I haven’t heard if she’s officially been caught yet. The university is going to give me funding to help cover the costs of the damage, which is nice. They said I can go after external funding–and I’m considering it. It’s short term. Don’t worry, I won’t sign a long-term contract without talking to you, since well, it could affect our future,” Verity told me.

Our future. That settled my nerves a little.

“How so?” I wasn’t sure what she was talking about.

“It would be with Spencer. If I did anything with him long-term, I’d need to make sure I can stay with you,” she told me.

She wanted to stay with me after everything that happened? Relief sluiced over me.

“Thank you. Though, Rockland doesn’t seem that bad. You know that rumor hasn’t died down at all,” I laughed. “Someone said he’s renaming the team the Theorems. ”

“That’s his packmates being trolls,” she giggled.

“If it’s best for you, then do it. We will figure it out and I know you always have all our interests at heart.” This seemed like a wonderful opportunity for her.

“Though…” Her voice went tight. “I think someone at the university is unhappy with me.”

“Some uptight trustee hates happiness?” Having met some of the BosTec trustees back when I went there, I could see that happening.

“Or a rival of my parents. They had a shit-ton of professional and academic rivals. And of course, the people who think that my omega dad should be at home making pork chops instead of teaching.” She snorted. “There’s a good reason Mama and I did most of the cooking. Hey, how did the doctor’s visit go?”

“I have a lot to think about. Kitten, did… did you mean what you whispered in my ear when you got on the bus?” My heart skipped a beat as I waited for an answer.

“I did. I’ll love you no matter what,” she assured. “Promise.”

A voice spoke in the background.

“Do you need to go?” I asked. Her words made me feel better.

“I don’t want to,” she sniffed. “I’m hiding.”

“What happened? Weren’t you visiting your aunts’ so you could see your cousins and little brother?” I closed my eyes, wishing she was here so I could hold her.

The two parents that lived in Bayside were out of town. It wouldn’t surprise me if it were on purpose.

“Auntie invited my grandmother.” She sighed. “My relationship with the family of my Baba, my alpha dad, is complicated. Especially with me being a female alpha. My omega grandmother has decided I need a pack, and she’s the person to find me one.”

I tried hard not to laugh, because AJ’s omega mother used to be like that too, before Jonas and Dean moved in with him. “So, she’s trying to set you up with eligible packs all over the West Coast?”

“Worse. While Baba wants me to marry an investment banker, she thinks I need a pack full of doctors and an omega who is an accomplished cook. She’s been scouring New York for prospects. Don’t worry, I won’t let her set me up. But she’s relentless and doesn’t understand what hockey is. Even then, nothing’s better than a pack of doctors.” She snorted.

“You’re an excellent cook. Is that a slight to you?” I frowned. An entire pack of doctors? That sounded like a lot.

“Actually, no. That’s her way of acknowledging that I’m a breadwinner. While it’s good for an alpha to be able to cook, especially for their omega, it’s nice to come home to a hot meal and a tidy house.” She laughed again. “Designation norms, am I right?”

“We love you, and even though we’re not doctors, we’re the pack for you,” I assured, glad that the prospect didn’t sway her.

“You are, and I miss you. Anyhow, my aunt is calling for me. I should go downstairs and stop being dramatic. ” She sighed heavily.

“I vote for being twice as dramatic. Love you, talk to you tomorrow.” I ended the call. Closing my eyes, I leaned against the wall, heart full. She still loved me.

“Hey, want to go to Tito’s?” Dean asked me as I rejoined him and Jonas.

I got out of the way as Clark chased Dimitri around the locker room with a pickle. I snorted. Clark looked like if he took off his black glasses he’d be a superhero and Dimitri looked like the villain in an international spy movie.

Shaking my head, I put my arms around Dean. “Can we go home? All of us? Please, Jellybean.”

“Sure.” Dean planted a kiss on my forehead.

Verity said she loved me no matter what. Hopefully, everyone else would, too.