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MATT

T he sound of the music playing from the jukebox in the corner of the Cotton Jin competed with the ringing in my ears. When I first walked out of the bunkhouse, I didn’t know where to go. I couldn’t go to my room; it reminded me too much of Chloe. So I got in my truck and started driving. It wasn’t until I pulled into the parking lot of the Cotton Jin that I let myself think about what had just happened. It felt like I’d been hit by a ton of bricks.

I’d been suspicious going to the bunkhouse with them. Hunter liked to play his games, and I had a fair assumption things would somehow get sexual. I didn’t think I’d be able to think about studying again without picturing what we’d done. Chloe was the center of everything, and it surprised me how her pleasure surpassed the jealousy I thought would surge forth at having the two other guys be there while we had sex.

I hadn’t expected I’d go along with it or let it get that far or that I’d actually enjoy it as much as I did.

I saw the way Kyle opened up to Chloe. His feelings were written all over his face. He worshipped her, and I had no doubt he was falling for her. Who could blame him? Chloe was incredible. She took on the three of us without blinking an eye. Even though we were all there, she made sure to show us each special attention, connected with us individually. It wasn’t what I thought it would be.

I never wanted to have a Cosland relationship because I felt like I’d be fighting for attention, but that wasn’t the case. But it didn’t change the fact that I didn’t want to share my woman. My chest ached at the thought of Chloe with another man. In the moment, I was able to put those thoughts aside, but now they were eating me alive.

She was supposed to be mine. I was the one who had her first. I was the one who was in love with her.

Wait. What?

I put my face in my hands to stop the room from spinning, and it wasn’t entirely from the alcohol. My feelings were crashing down on me like that ton of bricks.

I was in love with Chloe.

“Matt, are you okay, buddy? You look like you’re going to be sick.”

My head shot up when I heard Declan’s voice. What was he doing in town?

I swallowed the bile creeping up my throat. “I’m good. Are you here to join the party? Come, sit, have a drink with me.” I patted the stool next to me, nearly toppling off mine in the process.

“I think you’ve had one too many.” Declan eyed Oliver standing behind the bar, wiping down the bar top.

“Now you see why I called you.” He shook his head and continued down the bar.

“Oliver didn’t want you driving.”

“I’m fine.” I took another sip and my brow furrowed. Damn Oliver. He switched my drink out for water.

Declan sat next to me and frowned. “This isn’t like you. Want to tell me what’s going on?”

I turned away from his intense stare. It was like he could see right into my very soul.

I shrugged. I didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t offend him.

Declan sat there silently, waiting for me.

I let out a deep sigh. “I didn’t sign up for this, Dec. You know that. I don’t know what to do.” My tongue felt like it was a little slower than normal. Damn it. Maybe that fourth shot wasn’t a good idea.

“That needs to be gone before you can leave.” Oliver narrowed his eyes and pointed at the water.

I nodded, making sure the room didn’t spin. At least my stomach wasn’t trying to get a word in. But that could also be because I’d forgotten to eat dinner and there was nothing in it to put up a fight.

Grabbing the glass, I took a few swallows before turning my full attention to Declan.

“Is it so terrible to want her to just choose me?” He probably wasn’t the right person to ask, considering he was in the kind of relationship I had been trying to avoid.

“It’s not wrong for you to want that.”

My eyes widened in surprise. “What?”

He gave a low chuckle. “What else do you want?”

I tried to wrap my slow brain around what he was asking. “What do you mean? I want Chloe. I want her to be mine. I want her to love me like I love her.” So much for keeping my feelings under wraps. Give me a few drinks, and I was telling the world.

Declan nodded. “What makes you think you don’t already have those things?” He leaned on the bar and held up two fingers to let Oliver know he wanted a drink.

I mulled over his words. “She’s not mine. She doesn’t love me. She wants Hunter and Kyle.”

“Why do you think she can’t love you if she also wants Hunter and Kyle?”

“She may want me, but she doesn’t want only me. That doesn’t mean she’s in love with me.”

“If she wants you, and you want her, what does it matter if there are another two guys who also want to be with her?” Declan took a swig from his beer.

I thought about what he said. “How does it work, though? How do you not get jealous all the time? I want Chloe to be mine. I want all her attention. I don’t want to feel jealous all the time.” Clearly I was at the end of my rope. For as long as I’d worked for Dec, we’d never had this kind of relationship. We didn’t talk feelings. We were friends, but we’d never been personal. And yet here I was, laying my heart bare.

“We don’t get jealous. I know Thomas is going to be there for Alex no matter what. He loves her just as much as I do. And she loves us both. We don’t see it as trying to win her attention. She gives us each our own time, and then there are times we spend together. We are a family.”

I followed Declan’s line of sight and noticed this message might not have just been for me. Oliver was also listening.

“I still don’t think I could share my woman with another man.”

“Have you tried it?” Dec cocked his head.

“Yes.” I quickly took a sip of my water. I hadn’t meant to tell him that, but things were just slipping out.

“And what did you think?” Declan asked, his eyebrow raised.

I let out a deep sigh, then regretted it as I felt my stomach wanting to flip. “It was different. Weird. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Did you feel jealous when you watched her with one of the others?”

I thought about it. “No.”

“Did you have a good time? Did she have a good time?”

“Of course.” I narrowed my eyes. “I’m surprised she didn’t black out.” I ran a hand down my face. “Please forget I said that.”

“Forgotten.” Dec took another sip of his beer to cover his grin. “If you all had a good time, what’s your hang up?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

“Consider this, are you ready to ruin the best thing that has ever happened to you because you can’t get over the fact that other men love her just as much as you do?”

He made a good point. Chloe was amazing. She deserved absolute, adoring love from all of us.

“You had your first taste of what it’s like to all be together, and you didn’t hate it. Let’s be honest… it scared you.” Declan held up his hand when I opened my mouth to interject. “I’m not judging. It scared you, and that’s okay. You can ask any of the other guys who aren’t from Cosland, it scared them all too.”

Now he had my attention.

“No one around here is brought up being taught the same as us. We learned to trust this from birth. You all need to open yourself up and learn to trust. Watching the woman you love find pleasure in another man—or men—probably tears your heart out, but if you embrace it, you’ll see that it’s not such a bad thing. Everyone gives something different to the relationship. I promise that you, Kyle, and Hunter are all unique. Why would Chloe want three of the same? You all fulfill her in different ways.”

It was true. Poor innocent, well not so innocent, Kyle was most certainly different than me. I saw it firsthand when I held Chloe for him. Opened her up so he could fuck her. I’d willingly helped him. And in that moment, I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t ashamed, or jealous, or angry. Chloe was all I thought about.

“Let that sink in some. You ready to go? I want to get home to my bride-to-be.” Declan took the last sip of his beer and pushed the bottle to the edge for Oliver to snatch up.

I made my way to his truck and hopped in the passenger side. I’d have someone help me get my truck in the morning. We both knew I wasn’t driving it home.

“You throw up in my truck, and I’m docking your pay,” Dec joked. I didn’t think I’d get sick in his car. I made a bunch of poor decisions tonight, but I wasn’t that drunk.

Declan’s advice was on repeat in my head all the way home. When I landed face first in my bed, I was too tired to think. Almost on instinct, I reached for Chloe, and my heart clenched when she wasn’t there. She was probably with Hunter and Kyle. The hurt in her eyes when I’d walked out flashed in my mind. I’d have to think of all the ways I could make it up to her. If she’d let me.

Before I knew it, I was blinking away the fog after sleeping too few hours. I dragged my hungover ass out of bed and made my way through the barn and outside for a breath of fresh air. The bright light made my eyes and head scream.

“Wake up on the wrong side of the hayloft this morning?”

I flipped Andrew off before catching the bottle of water he threw at me.

“Declan said to tell you to come find him when you came down.”

I groaned. “Thanks. We’re going into town to grab my truck. You need anything while we’re there?”

“Don’t think so. Unless you want to bring us some of Kelly’s pastries.”

My stomach rolled at the thought of food. “Maybe next time.”

Kelly’s pastries? Why was that nagging in my brain?

Oh. Fuck.

I looked at my phone and saw the time. Shit . “Have you seen Chloe?”

Drew shook his head. “No.”

I took off toward the dining hall, where I knew I’d find Jessie. “Have you seen Chloe this morning?” I asked her, nearly flinging myself over the kitchen island.

“She went to town. Wedding things, I think.” Jessie went back to work, and I ran my ass outside. I’d promised Chloe I’d go with her this morning to help her out.

“Let’s go. I have things to do today,” Declan called from the driveway of the big house.

I started to jog but slowed my pace as the thumping in my head picked up. Declan was quiet the whole way into town, for which I was grateful. He gave me the space to think about everything that had happened yesterday. I’d shared Chloe, and I wasn’t jealous over it. But I still didn’t know if I could accept it for more than a one-off.

I shot Chloe a text while Declan was driving us to town.

Matt: I’m so sorry I missed going to the bakery with you this morning. I overslept.

I saw the three dots at the bottom of the screen pop up, then go away. My chest tightened. When they appeared again, it was followed by a response.

Chloe: It’s okay. I understand. I’ll try to stop by the barn later this afternoon.

It felt like I could breathe a little now. I still had no clue what I was going to say to her when I saw her.

“Before you go all caveman and give Chloe an ultimatum, sit down and talk with her. You need to see her and see how you feel before you make any rash decisions,” Declan said, likely sensing my thoughts as he parked at the Cotton Jin. He parked next to my truck, and I glanced his way.

“Well, I screwed up even more, if that’s possible. I was supposed to meet Chloe this morning, but clearly, I missed it.” I waved my hand in front of me, then got out of the car.

Declan rolled down the window. “So you’re not helping her anymore?”

I shook my head.

“Meet me in the dining hall in an hour. You can help me with a few things.” Declan didn’t give me time to answer before he drove away and headed to the ranch.

Help Declan? I couldn’t think of a single thing Declan would need my help with.