Page 78 of Filter This

Ali weed all over her sleeve as Liv crossed her arms and leaned against the door.

‘There has to be a better way,’ Ali moaned.

‘It’s definitely not the most disgusting thing that happens in this place,’ Liv pointed out.

And there was the little blue plus sign.

‘Confirmed,’ said Liv. ‘You are up one baby. And down a baby daddy. Remind me where you are with the fake baby currently?’

‘Shut up,’ Ali wailed.

‘I’m just trying to keep it straight in my head,’ Liv quipped, but she came over for a hug. ‘Is it a good thing or a bad thing that this isn’t even the first time I’ve hugged you on the jacks?’ she asked.

‘Well, get used to it,’ Ali spoke into Liv’s armpit. ‘Pissing a lot and generally being gross are the main side-effects of pregnancy.’

‘And you think you’re going to … stay pregnant?’ Liv disengaged and busied herself gathering up the pregnancy-test packaging.

Ali stared up at her. The madness of the last few weeks meant she’d fucked in her old job, ruined the only good relationship she’d ever had and was a pariah on the internet.

She’d probably be able to go crawling back toDurty Aul’ Town– what good was a bereavement if you couldn’t leverage a bit of goodwill with it, after all?

But Sam was done with her and there’s no way the sad-dad card would fly with him – he had the dead-mum card and the you-lied-to-me-about-being-pregnant card. He had the royal flush of emotional upperhandery. But maybe when she told him about the pregnancy test he’d come around? Or maybe he’d lose his shit even more? She flashed back to his cold rage of a few days ago. Sam was evidently the kind of guy who it’s hard to piss off but when he finally does get angry, it’s apoca-fucking-lyptic.

Maybe it was futile trying to get him involved. Perhaps there’s a universally acknowledged number of chances to blindside a man with an unplanned pregnancy – even if one of them was fake. Two strikes and you’re out, she thought.

She pulled up her pants and pulled Liv into a tight hug.

‘Let’s go plan a funeral. And, I guess, a baby shower for some time in October.’