Page 51 of Fierce Love (Tucker Billionaires)

Chapter Forty-Two

Hollyn

“ S o you went to my mother?” Nate prompts after I tell him about Aunt Verna’s arrest and my limited options. His tone is neutral, like he’s processing everything in slow motion.

Maybe it’s my tears, the fact that I’m barely getting the words out, but he’s being incredibly gentle. I’m still in his lap, and he’s been listening intently, a crease between his brows.

“Yes,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. The next part makes my heart feel like it’s being ripped from my chest, and I’m not sure if I can get the words out. “I… I… bargained our relationship for my aunt’s release, for my sister’s life.”

Nate sucks in a deep breath, and he releases it slowly, the air hissing through his teeth. His reaction is what I’ve been dreading since I returned, the reason I’ve been guarding my secret so closely. He won’t be able to forgive me, and I can’t blame him. He’s blameless in all of this.

I went to Celia willingly. No one forced me.

No gun was put to my head. I knew what I had to offer, and while I understood some of what it would do to me, what it could do for me, I know now that I didn’t consider Nate enough during the process.

His feelings weren’t on my radar the way they should have been.

My aunt, my sister, and me—I didn’t have mental or emotional room for anyone else that night.

Even now, I’m not sure I can bring myself to regret my choice. Maybe I should, but I kept me, my aunt, and Kin as safe as I could. That’s worth something. The years we had together, shielded from the chaos my parents brought, meant something. Even if I broke my heart and Nate’s in the process.

“I think I need…” He covers his face with his hands and seems at a loss for a minute before dragging them down. His expression is haggard. “I think I need you to sit somewhere else while I process this.”

“Okay.” I scramble off him, chest heaving, and I sink into the couch, running my hands along my thighs in quick motions. “Okay.” I can barely contain my sob. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I know you won’t forgive me.”

“I need you to explain to me what you mean by you bargained for your aunt’s release and your sister’s life, because that can’t be all of it.

You fucking disappeared , Hollyn. I need you to explain to me very clearly what this deal entailed.

” He flicks his hand toward the pile of papers and the manilla envelopes on the floor.

“Because everything I just read makes me think this betrayal goes really fucking deep.”

“I don’t know what you read.” But more importantly, I had no idea my aunt had copies of the paperwork between me and Celia. I do, of course. In my apartment in New York, I’ve kept everything Celia gave me, made me sign from that night and the years in between. Why would Aunt Verna have copies?

Then I catch sight of the open bottom drawer for the first time, and I can’t get over the amount of cash. We were always paycheck to paycheck. Why would she have that much stashed away?

Is the drawer Nate unlocked what my mother was looking for? Hadn’t that been what Mickie said, Aunt Verna had her papers and some money?

Tears streak down my face faster than I can wipe them away.

Confusion is swirling through me mixed with something akin to regret, but I don’t even know if regret is the right emotion.

I did what I felt I had to, and part of me is desperate to cling on to the sense of rightness that’s been my constant companion for years.

The choice was impossible, and I went in the direction that incurred the least amount of damage to everyone I loved.

But all of it feels really fucking wrong when I’m sitting across from Nate, and seeing, knowing, understanding the impact my choices had on him. He didn’t get to choose his future. I knowingly ripped the one he wanted right out of his hands.

“The deal has a lot of parts,” I say, struggling to keep my voice steady. “I knew that night that she’d likely ask me to ghost you.” Saying it out loud makes me feel a thousand times worse, and my stomach is threatening to revolt. I swallow down the bile caked around those decisions.

Nate stares at me, his expression devastated, his blue-green eyes haunted. I understand now what my deal cost him, and he doesn’t encourage me to keep talking.

My breathing is shallow, and I lick my lips.

“Celia said…” I take a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm my out-of-control nervous system.

“She said she could get the charges dropped on my aunt. Said if I stayed away from you while my parents were in jail, that she’d help me get custody of Kinsley before they could get her back.

” My voice wobbles, and my chin is shaking so hard I’m barely holding myself together.

“You disappeared,” he says, and I can hear the anguish in his voice.

“I said… I said you’d look for me.” I meet his gaze.

“She said she’d take care of that. New school.

New program. A bit of distance. I wasn’t that special.

” And at the time, I’d let myself believe that because I was young, because I wanted it to be true, because I wanted to believe that Nate wouldn’t be devastated by my choices.

It was easier if the only person being ruined was me.

Nate slumps back into the chair and stares up at the ceiling, an air of defeat around him. “And?”

“Just before I finished my degree, your mom contacted me to say she could get Kinsley out of foster care and to New York with me. Which is… which is what I wanted.” My voice has grown thick again with tears.

“Celia didn’t want me on the island. Said she’d take care of the custody arrangements.

” I take a couple of deep breaths because this next part stings.

It’s how Celia has kept me over a barrel.

“I didn’t realize what that would mean.” That letting her handle the details, staying off the island until the last moment, would only give her more room to screw me.

“Technically, your mom has legal custody of Kinsley. I have temporary physical custody.”

Nate shoots forward, his elbows landing on his knees. “ My mother is Kinsley’s legal guardian?”

“If I broke our agreement, I’d have to repay any money Celia gave me during my transition to a different college.

I forfeited the scholarship I earned, and Celia paid for my degree instead.

She also said she’d remove me as the temporary guardian if I didn’t stick to our terms around contacting you. ”

“But you haven’t stuck to the terms. Not since you’ve been back.”

“Right.” I swallow. “So, I went to see her after we started living together, and she made it clear I had to leave the island when the show was done filming. That part of our agreement was nonnegotiable.”

Nate’s expression morphs into something I don’t recognize, and he whispers, “She makes and ruins lives.” He presses a hand to his chest and stands up. “Jesus. I just never thought it would touch me. So fucking na?ve. I can’t stay here. I have to go.”

“Nate,” I say following him.

His hand is on the apartment door, and he keeps his back to me. His shoulders are slumped and tense, but he’s listening, waiting for me to say something. I wish I could say anything that would make what’s happening between us better. But there’s nothing. Words don’t change what I did.

My instinct is to run my hand along his back, and for the first time in weeks, I’m afraid to touch him, can’t imagine that my touch, the sight of me, is any kind of comfort. I betrayed him in the worst way.

“I’m sorry,” I say, my words garbled by the sobbing that’s threatening to return. “I’m so sorry.”

Nate glances at me over his shoulder, and when our gazes connect, I see a tiny glimmer of the man who loves me. Hope stirs in my chest.

“You should read what’s in those papers. It’s a lot more than you know,” he says. “We both deserve the whole truth.”

Then he opens the door, and he’s gone.