Page 18 of Feels Like Forever (Undercover Lovers #6)

RONNIE

I ’m between awake and asleep, trying to open my eyes while my body attempts to pull me back under.

My hand slides along the sheets, feeling nothing but cold cotton, and I remember Jude jerked awake sometime during the night.

I woke up long enough to ask if everything was okay.

He replied that nothing was wrong and to go back to sleep.

That had to have been hours ago. I also should have gotten my lazy ass up to at least sit with him instead of rolling over, snatching his pillow, and falling right back into a peaceful sleep.

I sit straight up, realizing just how much of an asshole move I made by letting Jude go. It doesn’t take me long to do my morning ritual of stretching my arms and extending my legs before I get my butt into the bathroom. My bladder and my teeth need to be attended to, stat.

Jude’s bed is luxurious and also at a height where my feet don’t touch the ground when I swing my legs over the edge.

It looks like I’m going to have to slide down this massive thing.

My gaze bounces around, looking for one of Jude’s shirts.

The one I wore last night in the living room is more than likely still on the floor after he peeled it off my body one devastating inch at a time.

My body shivers thinking about finally having Jude inside me.

I take a step, feeling the twinge of tenderness between my legs.

It’s been a long time since I slept with someone, and my toys definitely aren’t near as big as Jude.

Plus, there’s his piercing. The barbell isn’t huge by any means, still, it took some adjusting.

And the sensations of it dragging along the walls of my pussy? Out-of-this-world amazing.

I make my way to the master bathroom and find a shirt on the top of the dresser.

I slip it on and go about my business. When I get a look at myself in the mirror, I give myself a jump scare.

There are lines on my face from the sheets, and my hair is sticking up on one side, making me look like a cockatoo.

I try to tame the wild locks by combing my fingers through it, but nothing is working.

It’s bedhead to the extreme mixed with Jude’s hands tousling it last night.

I flip my head over, gather my hair in one hand, and pull a hair tie around the ponytail twice before turning it into some kind of crazy haphazard bun.

Once I’m done, I walk back into the bedroom, go to the stack of clothes I piled on top of my bag, grab a pair of panties to wear, and immediately put them on.

As much as I’d like to have a repeat performance of last night, Jude is more important.

Then I pull the covers up from the foot of the bed, arrange the pillows, and make the bed in an almost haphazardly way.

I probably wouldn’t have even made it, except before getting in bed for a nap yesterday, it looked neat and orderly.

Unlike my own at my place, the only time my bed is made is when I change the sheets, and that’s only because I don’t have a choice.

“Jude,” I lightly call out his name when I walk out of his room and into the hallway.

I’m hopeful he woke up, took care of whatever had him jumping out of a deep sleep, and fell asleep on the couch.

I’d have loved for him to get back in bed with me, but from what I’ve learned about him, he’s too selfless to do something like that.

He’d rather put himself out than disturb me.

I roll my eyes. As if my sleep is more important than his.

He doesn’t respond as I meander further into the hallway, peeping into each open doorway until I find him.

Jude is sitting at his desk, shirtless, a couple of files scattered, and he’s tapping away at one of the three keyboards he has in front of him.

What really throws me for a loop is the pair of black frames on his handsome face.

Are they reading glasses or blue-light-blocking glasses?

I think to myself as I watch him work away.

He doesn’t realize I’m being a certified creeper or what it’s doing to my aching body.

Jude moves from one computer to the other, rolling his chair to the wall of doohickies, presses a few buttons and then moves back. It’s only when he looks up that he notices me.

“Foxy.” His voice is hoarse. I look at him, really look at him.

Behind the hot guy tech dude he appears to be, I see so much more.

There’s a tiredness beneath his eyes, and his jaw is clenched tightly.

I’m beginning to think something is really wrong.

He pushes his chair away from his desk and lightly taps his thigh, silently asking, no, telling me to move my ass and sit on his lap.

“Good morning,” I say, putting one foot in front of the other. As soon as I’m in reaching distance, Jude’s wraps his arms around my waist and settles me the way he wants.

“Mornin’. You sleep good?” He moves us back to his desk, managing to keep me where I am, balanced perfectly as he starts typing away.

“I did. It’s obvious you didn’t. Is everything okay?” I nuzzle into his neck, smelling his spicy scent and using his warmth to chase away the coldness in the air.

“Yeah, bad dream.” He doesn’t elaborate willingly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I want him to know he can come to me for anything. After all, he’s all too aware of my fears, those that stem from a childhood I also don’t like to explore.

“Nah, I’m good. They happen from time to time.

” I don’t push. Instead, I watch him work.

The screens in front of him go through a mirage of different sequences.

It looks like the inside of a plane. Another one slides up, and this one looks similar to the inside of an office.

This time when I see a different image, I’m pretty sure it’s of Johnny’s club.

The normally illuminated sign is turned off, only allowing me to see a glimpse of it.

“If you change your mind, I’m here,” I mumble.

“I appreciate that.” He kisses the top of my head in response.

Jude’s phone lights up with an alert that displays Winnie left.

I don’t say anything at first, watching what else happens.

A couple more appears on the screen. Tysen and Macie are a set, which makes sense after hearing that they work together.

Tys as a pilot and Macie as a flight attendant, although from what Jude said, Macie’s time in the sky is dwindling down with her pregnancy.

“Uh, Jude?” I get his attention when I keep seeing other notifications appear, with other people in his friend group, but also others I’ve never met before.

“Yeah, Foxy?” He stops what he’s doing, giving me all of his attention.

“Is there a reason you have everyone’s location on your phone when they leave and stop somewhere?

” I mean, there is a certain app out there that I refuse to give my brother and father, but this doesn’t have the same distinguishable look.

Plus, the computer screens are clearly part of the people I met last night.

“Yep, everyone I care about is tracked. It’s an app I created, one that isn’t available to the public and never will be.” I swallow, hearing the conviction in his voice and wondering something else.

“Am I on that app, too?” I swallow a lump in the back of my throat. On one hand, I want to be one of the people he cares about, on the other, well, this goes way past an invasion of privacy.

“You’re one of the people I care about the most. So, yeah, you are.

” His hand stops massaging the outside of my leg when he feels every muscle in my body tense.

I take a deep breath, trying to center myself, and come up with a response that won’t turn into me losing my shit, stomping out of Jude’s house, and blocking him from my life.

The words taste bitter bouncing around in my head.

There’s no way I could do that, could I?

Jude remains quiet, waiting me out, and I appreciate that more than he understands.

I close my eyes and bite my lower lip, remembering every good moment we’ve had together this far into our friendship/relationship.

Nothing has been truly established, except for the fact that I met his whole group, guy wise.

Lennie stayed true to her word and added me into the girls’ group chat, and I was welcomed with updates for the next meeting.

“I don’t know how to feel about this, Jude,” I admit, still at a loss for words. The questions I have probably should be asked, and see how he responds to them, if at all.

“I can understand that. I can also tell you that it’s not because I’m controlling or want to do anything with ill intent.

I protect the people who are in my life.

It’s ingrained in me, and one day, I’ll tell you about the reasoning behind it.

” He doesn’t see anything wrong with what he’s done, and that’s what has me chewing on my bottom lip.

“How long?” I ask, attempting to stand from his lap.

He doesn’t allow me to move. Jude’s hands become like a vice, holding me to him without managing to hurt me, which brokers another element.

He’s never hurt me, not with his words, not physically, and even now I’m trying to figure out what this means to me.

“Since the beginning.” My eyes pop open. Shock mars my features when I look at him. The wince he sends my way tells me there’s more.

“What?” We didn’t exchange numbers until a couple of weeks after talking to each other. “Oh.” It hits me like a lightning bolt. Jude is a digital ninja, highly skilled, masters platforms and software, and is multi-skilled in his industry. He’s also sought after in a government official capacity.

“I’m not sorry, Foxy. I’d do it again without hesitation.”

“That means you knew what I looked like, where I worked, where I lived. You knew everything.” And I was left in the dark far longer.

“Not everything. Your digital footprint, yeah. Where you live, sure. But I can figure that out with a few searches online, much like anyone else. Same goes for your workplace and what you looked like. Social media makes it all too fucking easy.” He doesn’t tack on that my sites are wide open.

“I need some space to think.” His body goes rock solid, and it shouldn’t affect me as much as it does, but here it is, worry settling in my bones like a cold winter day.

“You take all the time in the world to think, Foxy. But you’re doing it here, with me.

” He stands up, helping me do the same in the process.

“I’ll cook breakfast in the meantime. I assume you’re working open and close tonight at The Social?

” He positions us where we’re face to face, lifting my chin with his fingers, and when I nod, he does the same.

A kiss is placed on my forehead before he disappears out the door of his office, leaving me with his computers and phone, all of which are unlocked.