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28

EVANGELINE

I woke to Blake’s snoring, the softness of my own sheets and blankets, sunlight pouring in, the warmth from our bodies nestled together, and for a minute, everything was absolutely perfect before reality wormed its ugly way back in.

My remaining aches and scrapes were trivial, given how eagerly my guilt rushed back into place, the memory of Malachi, the night we’d spent together, the taste of his blood…the fact I’d betrayed the male sleeping beside me, his arms cradling me gently, even in sleep.

Who was so goddamned beautiful, he took my breath away.

An angel fallen out of the heavens, straight into my bed, with his dark eyelashes curved against his golden skin, that swath of inky black hair flopped over one perfectly cut cheekbone. Blake was more than I deserved. He was good and kind and noble, and…

I’d ruined everything. Everything .

I’d thrown our entire future away, and for what?

In the cold light of dawn, none of my reasoning seemed to hold water, that urgent sense of inevitability so far removed, I couldn’t hardly even remember what that urgency had felt like.

And caving in so readily to that post-feeding haze of desire…I was fucking stronger than that.

I was in a sleeveless shirt and panties, my hair braided just the way I liked it, and my pillows were perfectly fluffed beneath my head, which only made me feel worse. Blake took good care of me last night, made sure I had everything I needed, and now I was going to break his damn heart.

“You’re thinking awfully loud over there, little slayer. Care to share?”

I hadn’t even noticed the snoring had stopped, and my heart slammed against my ribcage, thrashing like a caged monster. I squeezed my eyes shut as I struggled to find my voice…only to find I couldn’t speak a single word out loud.

There is something I have to tell you, Blake.

A dark chill rippled down the mating bond like a premonition and that sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach threatened to swallow me whole.

You can tell me anything, Evie. You can trust me.

I know, it’s just … I rolled over, so I stared directly into his eyes, searching their depths for forgiveness for the crime I’d committed.

Atonement , Malachi had called this, but atonement was like being wrapped in barbed wire and burned at the stake, all while inflicting pain on the male I loved.

I hadn’t fed since before the attack, since the night the three of us were together . Blake’s brows drew together as if he was doing the math, followed by a flash of realization at how long ago that night had been.

I…forgot. There was too much going on, what with my memory loss and all the pressure you were under and Riordan, putting out fires and trying to find allies. Then…I used so much energy the night of the attack, holding that portal open.

Blake’s traced his hand down the side of my face, dragging my tears with his fingers, frowning at whatever he saw.

I should have thought of your needs, Evie. That is my responsibility, to take care of you, to…

I shook my head, tears spilling freely now. None of this is your fault, this is mine … I sucked in a shaky breath that didn’t come close to filling my aching lungs as I pushed away from him, until a wash of cool air swept between us.

I fed from Malachi. And then I slept with him. I have no excuse for my behavior. None. I never wanted to hurt you, Blake, and I know how unforgivable this is. I made a terrible mistake and you have every right to hate me, and I’ll leave today, I’ll find somewhere to go. I betrayed your trust, and I…

“Evie.”

The sound of his voice—deep and commanding and gruff—yanked me out of my frantic, downward spiral.

“Stop. I can feel your pain through the bond and you’re still healing and…” he blew out a heavy breath. “I don’t hate you. I can’ t hate you. And if you think I’ll let you walk out of here, after I’ve just gotten you back...” He wrapped his arms around me like he was afraid I might make a break for it, and tears spilled down my face until all I tasted was salt.

I planted my palms against his chest and peered at him. I should give you time to think about this. Maybe…I could go to Fiona’s, give you some space. A few days to decide.

“I’m never letting you go, so you can stop with that line of thinking. Your home is with me. No matter what, I am yours.” He pressed his lips to my forehead so gently, all my guilt and regret spilled over into an unstoppable torrent of heaving sobs.

I didn’t deserve kindness. I certainly didn’t deserve him .

“Shhhh, don’t cry, love. These past three days were the longest of my entire life. You aren’t going anywhere. We’ll figure this out, because you leaving is not an option.”

“I don’t understand.”

I didn’t. He should be furious. He should hate me. If he’d betrayed my trust the same way, slept with someone else…say that bitch Morvessa…a stab of jealousy shuddered down the mating bond and Blake’s body jolted like he’d been hit by an electric current.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” I muttered. “Just… never mind .”

He loosened his arms around me and tipped my chin up with his finger, forcing me to look him in the eye. Hard to do when you’d just broken about every vow you ever made to both him and yourself.

“I am not angry with you, Evie, because you were always Malachi’s endgame. I just…Rohr and I didn’t realize his plan until it was too late. He’s a fucking Ancient, Evie. Stronger than any of us, and between his magic and his blood…there wasn’t a chance you could resist him, once he decided he wanted you.”

“That’s fucking bullshit,” I muttered, swiping tears from my eyes. “Nobody forces me to do anything .” His glare turned apocalyptic and I dropped my eyes.

“He didn’t force me. Just to be clear. Malachi is a lot of things, but…everything that happened between us,” embarrassment flushed my cheeks, “was consensual. I’m not defending him, mind you, but I don’t want to add to his list of crimes, either.”

“You drank from him, I assume, to prepare to face Ravok?” Blake asked carefully, as if he were tiptoeing across broken glass. “Did I get that right, at least?’

“Yes. My magic isn’t exactly reliable, and I figured the stronger I was, the better chance I had of controlling my flames and killing Ravok. For the record, he offered to bring me back here. To you.”

Blake stiffened. “And you refused?” Every part of me winced at the hurt on his face, the betrayal in his eyes.

“I…yes, I refused. We both know what would have happened next. Not that it mattered, since I ended up being a pathetic failure, anyway.” I sighed, feeling just a little bit sorry for myself.

“Well,” he tugged me closer, “you are right. Locking you up and throwing away the key has crossed my mind a time or two. Riordan made me see reason.”

“I’ll bet that was a long conversation,” I muttered.

“It wasn’t so much a conversation as a…sparring match.” When I snuck a glance, his mouth had curved into a faint smile and that fist crushing my heart eased off. Just a little . “But we have to find some common ground, Evangeline. You can’t go off fighting wars all by yourself, and I have to stop wanting to lock you up to keep you safe.”

I sniffed, but relaxed back into his arms. “Yeah, well, that sounds like a lost cause already.”

He kissed the end of my nose, then my cheeks, his lips incredibly gentle. “Now you’re just being negative. Tell me about your magic. You called them flames? If what you sent down the bond is just a taste, I’d hate to see you at full strength.”

A bolt of fear went through me and I wiggled out of his arms. “Actually, we need Fiona. She has to lock my magic back down.” True, I wasn’t leaking shadows, but once that churning ball came alive in my center, I’d become a dangerous liability.

And Angel…I had to check on Angel, make sure she was safe.

“From the look on your face, I take it your power isn’t pretty?” He cocked his brow, “You should have seen mine, the first time my shadows manifested.” He shook his head. “Total shitshow. My mother didn’t let me near the antiques for months. But every magic can be controlled, with training, and no matter what…”

“Necromancy,” I whispered. “And I make people see their worst sins. Like, they come alive, right in front of them.”

Blake’s smile disappeared completely. “I’m not sure that’s actually a…”

“According to Malachi—not a reliable source, I know—this is the same magic my ancestors in the Bloodmoon Coven possessed. But I want this power locked back down, because I’m dangerous.”

“Fiona’s already here, or will be soon.” He squinted at the bands of light streaming in through the narrow gap between the heavy drapes. “She and Eldric have been working on the Ravok problem, using Bex and Angel as assistants. Good call by the way, they both know their way around books.”

“At least smutty werewolf ones,” I muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing.” I sucked in a breath. “First, we have to get Malachi free. Ravok’s going to kill him and we need him.” I rolled my eyes. “And not because of…well, you know, but because he knows the most about Ravok. Fiona and Eldric can research this for months, and not know a tenth of what Malachi knows. We need him alive,” I said stubbornly.

“Even if you’re pissed, which you totally should be, Ravok’s coming to Crimson House next. And he’ll kill everyone, hurt the people we love, to get what he wants. Malachi said…the protections won’t stand up to Ravok. Malachi can help us defend ourselves, maybe stop him altogether.”

“Why would Ravok come here, Evie?” Blake’s gaze narrowed. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Well, it seems this magic of mine, while pretty terrible, is something he can use.” I nearly choked on my fear like a tangled knot. “He’s been after this power for a long time. Centuries. A millennium, maybe.”

“I see there’s a lot we need to discuss.” Blake’s expression had once again gone carefully blank, like he’d cut himself off from me, and I swallowed.

For a long time, he considered me, pieces of my broken heart crumbling, a frantic desperation ramping up my heartrate, my breathing, until I was a sweaty twist of nerves beneath his unflinching gaze.

This is it. Blake’s changed his mind. He’s about to ask me to leave, and where am I going to go, where…

“You are your own person, Evie.” He reached out slowly, the tips of his fingers dragging down through my tears. “You are entitled to your own feelings and your own choices, without any judgement from me. You chose Malachi, and I have to find a way to accept that.”

My mind stuttered, then charged down a brand-new path, one I certainly didn’t deserve. “But I…”

My mate pressed a gentle finger over my lips. “It won’t be easy,” he admitted softly, “but I will find a way to accept this, I promise.”

He cupped my chin. “I will find a way because I will always choose you, Evangeline. Always . No matter the circumstances, no matter the odds, you will always be my first choice. My only choice.”

I wanted to lower the guards around my heart.

I wanted to tumble headfirst into Blake’s arms and bask in his forgiveness, but something held me back. Maybe because I still hadn’t forgiven myself.

Maybe because I couldn’t understand how he could forgive me so easily.

“But you have to tell Riordan, Evie,” he murmured quietly, brushing tears off my cheeks. “He deserves to hear the truth from you. but I’ll be right beside you, because I will always have your back.”

* * *

The scent of aged wood and spiced wine curled around my senses like a warm blanket, but there was no comfort in this room today. Every muscle ached dimly, like some old, forgotten injury was still nagging at me, and though I hadn’t taken the time to look in a mirror, one cheek was more tender than the other.

I stood stiff in the center of the dimly lit office, the flickering light casting restless shadows that danced like accusations across the walls. Blake waited in the shadows behind me, Riordan was seated across from me, the weight of my own guilt pressing down on my shoulders.

I’d prepared myself for this moment—playing the words over and over in my head, shaping them into something kind enough to soften the blow. But no matter how I wove them into something less ugly, the truth remained sharp and jagged.

There was no lessening the betrayal I had committed.

“You look better, Evie.” Riordan’s eyes were warm, even kind as his gaze tracked over me. “When you dropped out of the sky…what the fuck was Draven thinking?” He set the tiny, glowing globe on the desk between us. “Did you even know what this is?”

I peered at the thing, remembering finding the little glass sphere in my family’s vault months ago, Alistair’s gloating when he’d taken it back from me. “No, but Silas used this at Ebonshade House to escape. So it’s a device that allows you to dematerialize. There must be magic trapped inside.”

Rohr nodded. “Witch magic, according to Fiona. But you have to guide this relic with intent, which is why it brought you here, then dropped you. You could have died.”

No, Malachi sent me here , I wanted to say, but kept quiet.

I approached the desk, touched the globe, the surface still warm to the touch. “He slipped this around my neck and did what he could to get me out of there quickly. He was badly injured, we both were. We have to get him back, Riordan. Before Ravok kills him.”

Riordan tipped back in his chair, his face unreadable. “Give me a good reason why, and I’ll think about it.” Okay, fair enough.

“Because Malachi is the only one who knows Ravok’s weaknesses, how to kill him. Once Malachi’s dead, since Ravok can see the future, we’ll never stay ahead of him. We blew our chance yesterday, but without Malachi Draven, we won’t get another one.”

I swallowed. “But there’s something you have to know before you decide. I fed from him and I slept with him, and I made that choice, but I never—ever—wanted to hurt you.” I turned to Blake.

“ Either of you. I love you both so much, I can’t imagine a life or a future without you, but I did this. I… cheated .” My heart ached with every whispered admission and Riordan still hadn’t said a single word.

“I wasn’t forced or coerced, or controlled, this was my decision, and if you decide you want me out of your life, I completely understand.” I dipped my head so he didn’t see the tears gathering in my eyes again. “I’ll leave today, and you would never have to see me again. If that’s what you want.”

Even worse, my out-of-control emotions were causing my magic to rise, a shadowy wave of unfurling darkness that had me clenching my hands, clamping every bit of my control down over them, smothering the churning power.

Right now, the last thing we needed for my own sins to come alive, right in front of us.

“But we can’t let Malachi die, and that’s not some selfish decision, that’s the truth. Ravok isn’t like anything I’ve ever…” My words trail off when I realized who I was talking to. “Well, I suppose out of all of us, you know what a monster he is, don’t you?”

“Silver, look at me.” Somehow, Riordan was right in front of me, tall and imposing and I didn’t want to look. Didn’t want to face what I’d done. But he pinched my chin and forced my eyes to his, dread twisting in my stomach like a nest of snakes.

“I forgive you.”

I blinked, a shiver of foreboding tingling over my skin. It couldn’t be that easy. “You can’t just forgive me,” I muttered, trying to make sense of this.

“Neither of you can just… forgive me . You need to punish me, or hate me, or… something . Make me suffer. Make me pay. I did something terrible.”

“Not everything in life is a gauntlet of pain and you’ve been through too much for me to ever add to your burden.” He brushed his lips over my forehead, leaving me even more unsettled and confused. “Punishment is for those who deserve it, not you, Evangeline.”

“But I…”

He leaned closer, lips pressed to my ear, big hands coasting down to cup my ass. “If you truly want to be punished, I can think of about a hundred ways to discipline you. Starting by spanking this sweet ass with my bare hand until it’s as red as your face is right now. But if you really want to save Draven from his own fucking fate, my idea of punishment will have to wait.”

“Wait. You’re…agreeing to help?” I spluttered, ducking my head to hide my burning cheeks.

“ We are agreeing. Despite the fact Draven is a rat bastard who cannot be trusted, he is the only one who knows how to kill Ravok, so yes, unfortunately we need him.”

“We’ve fucking said those words before,” Blake grumbled behind me.

“Yes, unfortunately, we have.” Riordan’s head snapped up a second before there was a soft knock on the door. “Come in, Fiona.”

Oh God . Poor Fiona. Only then did it hit me…I’d lied—by omission—to her about my magic. Not a stellar way to begin a friendship. She slipped through the door like a flicker of fire, her loose, red hair falling to her waist, her dress a shimmering sweep of bronze.

“Are you all right?” I asked, since the last time I’d seen her, she’d been frozen in place by Malachi’s magic.

“Quite fine, thank you. It takes more than a little glamour to harm me,” Fiona said breezily, her gown curling around her ankles as she came to a full stop, her gaze narrowing on the dark haze in the air around me, nose flaring. “Evangeline, we were worried… what are you ?” She recoiled, taking a step back, her golden eyes flaring.

A faint shadow stained the air around me, filled with shifting faces too elusive to see—unless you were looking.

“Apparently, a necromancer, according to Malachi, courtesy of the Bloodmoon Coven. I truly thought I had fire magic of some kind,” I explained, my cheeks heating. Again . “I mean, I knew the fire wasn’t normal, but I was only five when mom locked my power down, and the last time I saw my magic…it was…normal. Now it’s different.”

“Necromancy?” Fiona’s eyes darkened, in direct contrast to her pale face. “There was no necromancer in the Bloodmoon Coven, except…” She clamped her lips together and Blake and Riordan exchanged a narrowed look.

“Give me a few minutes to go over some preparations with the king, and I will find you after,” she murmured, her smile forced. “We can discuss your magic, and I will replace the block, though right now, your power seems to be quite depleted.”

“Well, I did try to kill Ravok. Twice.”

That only made her lips thin out more, and I made that my exit strategy as I headed for the door. “I’ll go check on Angel.”

None of them tried to stop me.