Page 37 of Fated In Forever (Nocturne Vampire Clan #4)

EVANGELINE

T hree days had passed since my return to Laith Castle, and I had become a prisoner in my own home. Barricaded in not by walls or bars, but by the curse of my own touch.

Riordan and Blake hadn’t left my side.

Well, that wasn’t exactly true. All this time, they hadn’t strayed too far, sleeping out in the hallway in a couple of uncomfortable wood chairs, hovering like two mother hens, waiting on me hand and foot. Worrywarts .

Secretly, I was grateful, and scared and losing my mind.

Trying not to let myself wonder what might happen if I touched bare skin.

Which was why I kept the door closed most of the time, not willing to risk hurting either of them, since every time my emotions rose or fell—which was often—more of this room became something out of a low budget goth video.

I sat in the center of the bed, surrounded by the evidence of my corruption.

The silk curtains had turned to thin glass that chimed whenever the wind touched them.

The wooden chair in the corner was now carved from polished black stone, though it somehow remained warm to the touch.

Even my bed linens had transformed—the soft white cotton now a deep crimson that pulsed with their own dark life.

Everything I touched became a reflection of the realm where I should have stayed.

Beside me, on the nightstand, the pair of black swans sat, necks curved, heads touching. I’d stowed the cold iron blade in the dresser on the other side of the room, along with The Book, while the key was strung around my neck on the chain.

Close by, in case I needed them.

“You know, I kind of like it.” Blake leaned in the open doorway, a soft smile on his face. “Makes the place look like a proper vampire hideaway instead of a museum.” He’d made it his mission in life to keep my spirits up, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Just…” I kept my hands folded in my lap, kept glancing over at the pair of swans, a lump in my throat. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Well, Dravin just reported back and the rift is stable, Fiona’s almost done sealing the ley line closed, again . Nash reports no activity at either of the Silverwood compounds, and there’s been no sign of Ravok or your uncles at the ruins or anywhere else.”

“I’m not sure that’s reassuring.”

Blake shrugged, then crossed the room in two strides to sit next to me on the bed and I leaned away, scared to death he might accidently brush up against me and I’d turn him to stone. “Reassuring or not, that’s what’s happening. And Nikolai sent me to remind you you’re late for today’s lesson.”

“I’m not going.” I sighed. “There’s no sense in me going. I’m just wasting his time. He could be concentrating on bigger problems, anyway, like the rift.”

“You are not wasting his time.” Blake’s tone hardened, the hair on the back of my neck stood up, and the rug beneath the bed turned to sand.

“You are not wasting his time, Evangeline,” Blake repeated, as if he said it enough times, it might be true.

“You can control this, you just have to find the source. Once you do, it will be like driving a boat.”

“Riding a bike.” I corrected automatically. “And I’ve been trying, but there isn’t a source of this…darkness, not like my other magic. This is something different.”

And I had a good idea why. This magic didn’t come from me. The wellspring of darkness came from another realm, one I no longer had access to, and therefore, could not locate the fucking source .

Which, at the very least, was a rational reason for my constant failures.

“Hiding from the world isn’t going to help matters, Evie. And I’ve never known you to give up so easily.” Blake was quickly becoming more of a thorn in my side than a supportive mate, even though he was right on all counts.

“Did you turn your clock into stone, too?” Nikolai's voice carried that familiar note of dry amusement, but his dark eyes were serious as they surveyed the transformed room. ‘I’ve been waiting for twenty minutes.”

“I'm not practicing today,” I said defensively. “There really isn’t any reason for you to spend your time on a pointless endeavor.”

“Hmm.” Nikolai stepped further into the room, seemingly unbothered by the obvious signs of me, failing to control my magic. “And how long do you plan to live as a hermit? Forever?”

I gestured helplessly at the ridiculous chiming obsidian curtains, the blood-red linens, which were actually kind of pretty. “Look around you, Nikolai. Everything I touch turns dark. I can't control this, and there’s no way you can teach me to. ”

“Because you haven't been focusing.” He moved closer, and I instinctively scooted backward. He raised one pale eyebrow. “Do you think I've lived for two thousand years without encountering dark magic before? You’re hardly an anomaly.”

Blake shifted closer. “Nikolai, if she says she’s not ready?—”

“We’re trying something new today. We won’t keep searching for the source, we’ll deal with this another way.” Nikolai's tone was sharp, but not unkind. He looked at Blake directly. “Why don’t you come along, you might find this interesting.”

Anytime a vampire described something as interesting, usually didn’t bode well for me, but they were both right. Sitting here and watching everything transform into some version of the Underworld was doing me no favors.

We ended up in the training room, where straw dummies lined one wall like good little soldiers and the smell of blood and bleach was far too thick for my liking. Nikolai motioned me closer, and by the time I reached his side, I was a tangle of confusion.

Mostly because I couldn’t understand why he was bothering.

Or what he was planning to do.

“From what I’ve seen, the magic of the Underworld responds to emotion.” He explained gently, grasping my arms and positioning me so I was facing him, barely a foot away. “Right now, yours are chaotic—fear, guilt, desperation. Those emotions feed the darkness, give this power life, make it spread.”

“I can't help being afraid,” I whispered, not even wanting to address the guilt part, because leaving Malachi behind would take me years to come to grips with, if ever. I glanced to Blake, watching us closely, but with more curiosity than jealousy.

“No, but you can learn to channel your emotions. And you need to learn you are not the danger you think you are.” He held out his hand, palm up. “Touch me.”

“Nikolai, no?—”

“Trust me.”

I looked past him to my mate, who gave me a small nod of encouragement, and slowly, carefully, I reached out and placed my fingertip against Nikolai's palm. Oh God, he’s going to turn to stone and Aisling is going to kill me and…

Nothing happened.

I stared at the point of contact, waiting for his skin to darken or turn blood-red or something , but it remained exactly the same—pale and smooth, although I swore, right before I drew my finger back, there was a shimmer of iridescent blue.

I poked him again. And again, harder this time.

“Ow,” he curled his hand back, rubbing his palm on his slacks. “That hurt.”

“How?” I breathed.

“I’m very old,” he said simply. “Most magic has no effect on me.”

“So out of everything in this castle, I don’t have to worry about turning you into a hunk of black stone.”

“You said Malachi broke your bond. How do you know?”

“I said the magic exacted a price and that price was our bond.” I sank my teeth into my bottom lip.

“It disappeared as I passed through the portal, and I…” I rubbed my aching chest, and my shirt—borrowed from Angel, and saying ‘I Don’t Bite On The First Date’—began turning dark red. “I haven’t felt our connection since. ”

“What about your mating bond?’ Nikolai asked, without a shred of subtlety. “Do you still feel that?”

I…” I dipped my head. “No, that is gone as well.” Blake’s sharply withdrawn breath had the floor beneath my feet turning into a sheet of slick, black glass and my shoulders dropped. I seriously had to be the world’s worst mate.

“I…thought it was the shock of coming back, or whatever this darkness is inside of me, but it’s like they just aren’t there anymore. I can’t feel Riordan, either. It’s like our connection is gone. I keep hoping both connections would reappear, but so far…nothing.”

“You should have said something,” Blake’s throat bobbed, his wounded gaze piercing straight through me. I forced myself to meet his eyes, even though I couldn’t stand to see the pain there.

“I…”

“Stop talking and concentrate .” Nikolai pressed his palm against my upper chest and I looked over at Blake in alarm. Usually this was the point where he’d go full-fated-mate on someone, but he just stared at us intently, like he was waiting for something momentous to happen.

Maybe for me to punch Nikolai in the nose, who knew.

“Just relax. Close your eyes. Focus on where I’m touching you.”

Oh, I focused, cracking one eye to make sure Blake wasn’t hurling himself across the room in a red eyed rage, and slightly bemused when I found…he wasn’t.

“Bonds between mates run deep, some deeper than others,” Nikolai explained.

“And by that, I mean, I don’t attach any more meaning to one kind than the other.

Some are different, in how they link two people together.

Bonds developed over longer periods of time, for example, instead of instantaneously, through biology.

Souls and hearts and blood, Maker bonds, and those forged through friendship.

All are important, and none take precedence over another. ”

The place where he touched me was heating up, just below my collarbone, where my pulse hammered wildly at the base of my throat.

I sank down into myself, past the ever-present fear of Ravok returning, past the fear that we were about to all get swallowed up in a giant rift—a definite reoccurring nightmare—and something shifted inside me.

“There,” Nikolai murmured. “Did you feel that?”

“Mmmm.” The change wasn’t so much a shift as a loosening , like my pants were too tight after a big meal, and I was finally home on my couch and could unbutton them. Everything inside me relaxed, moved back into place, back to where it was supposed to be.

That place in my chest that had been empty and cold for three full days began to fill back up. Filled up in the most delightful, familiar way. So delightful, I gripped Nikolai’s wrist and flattened his palm tighter against my chest which earned me a look from Blake I knew we’d be discussing later.

Ad nauseum. For hours .

“I think they’re back, the bonds—” I looked over at a definitely unimpressed Blake. “The mating bond is back.” I gave it a tug, just to check, and he lurched toward me, his eyes widening.

So was my bond with Malachi, although that one was painfully tight, as if it was stretched to the limit. That connection squeezed and pinched, hard enough I could barely breathe, and I pressed my hand to my belly.

It hurts because you are separated by realms. Nikolai explained . This is what Draven was trying to protect you from. Crossing over didn’t erase your bond, Malachi placed a blocking spell on your end of the connection, so you wouldn’t suffer, once you came back .

That lying…

“Now.” Nikolai said aloud. “We will begin again. The source is in a different realm, but now you have a means of finding it by following the bond to where it ends. Find the source, then you shall be able to control your magic.”

“Sure. Easy peasy.” I muttered, but I concentrated, following his directions, and there...far off, like looking down a long, dark tunnel, something shifted deep inside of me, and the magic took notice.

“Now,” Nikolai clasped his hands behind his back, that stern look back on his face. “We’ll begin with the simple task of locking the darkness down, so you don’t destroy my castle, every time your emotions shift.”