Page 30 of Far From Sherwood Forest

Listen to nature?

Like the waterfall. The steady, rhythmic hush. The sunlight glittering off the surface of the blue pool like dazzling specks of gold.

Robin swimming gracefully through the water. Wet, glistening beads dripping down the curve of his spine. Smooth, tanned skin begging to be marked…

Fuck.

I decided to take Ivy’s advice. Coming out to the waterfall was actually a good idea because this is where all my plans went to shit. If I retrace my steps, maybe I can get back on course.

There are so many questions that I need answered. The firstof which, why did something in my brain suddenly snap?

Taking a seat on a large, moss-covered rock, I stare out at the waterfall, letting its white noise fill my head. I can see why Robin was out here. It’s peaceful and serene, a comforting contrast to the chaos inside me.

It’s beautiful. But it’s not get-my-dick-hard beautiful.

That was all Robin.

I don’t think I can blame Ivy after all. I can’t blame Brian and Spencer for their public displays of affection. I can’t claim that any of them planted seeds in my mind that only sprouted when I saw Robin here yesterday. Because the longer I sit here and imagine him swimming through those clear blue waters in front of me, the more I come to realize he reallyisfucking beautiful.

I don’t know what that means for me, but that’s a crisis for another day.

The second question is…

What the fuck do I do now?

I still hate him. That hasn’t changed. I have no plans on acting on this attraction, no matter what I decide about myself. Even though I acknowledge and accept that it’s there, does it really change anything?

Do I still want to hurt him?

Fuck. I don’t fucking know.

Thatin and of itself is a revelation that I may not have gotten had I not taken the time to come out here and clear my head of everything else.

I guess Ivy was right, not that I’ll ever tell her that.

Up until now, I thought revenge is what I still wanted. What I wassupposedto want. Becausenotwanting it feels like a betrayal to the man I was three years ago. It’s not this unwanted attraction that has me questioning it. While it does feel like the scales have been tipped, I think I’m just…tired.

I’ve spent years wanting to make Robin pay, and now that the opportunity is finally here, I truly feel the weight of all that resentment. It’s so fucking heavy. I’m exhausted from carrying it around.

“It’s nice out here, isn’t it?”

At the sound of Robin’s voice, all that weight comes crashing back and threatens to crush me.

Here I was considering letting it go. I almost forgot how comforting it was. Like a shield. My armor. A protective barrier that keeps me from falling back into the clutches of the dark shadows I existed in before Ivy found me.

I can’t ever let go of it after all.

“It is,” I answer without turning around, my jaw clenching. “I was enjoying the peace andquiet.”

If he gets the hint, he doesn’t take it.

“I come out here a lot,” he says. “It kind of reminds me of back home.”

“If you could go back, would you?”

The question comes out before I can stop it. I don’t know what makes me ask it. I must’ve been so deep in thought that I hadn’t heard him approach, but I don’t hear him getting any closer. Maybe because I still haven’t turned around and can’t see him, I can pretend I’m having some kind of imaginary conversation.

“I don’t know.” His answer is the same one I gave Ivy. “I’m glad John is here with me, but I miss our other friends.”