Page 13 of Far From Sherwood Forest (Far From #3)

I didn’t sleep last night. At all.

Even though I live on the park grounds, I’m late to work because I didn’t want to get out of bed. I laid there as long as I could, desperately hoping I could get just five fucking minutes of sleep. It never came.

It didn’t help that the image of Robin pinned beneath me kept flashing in my mind, and every time, my dick thought I’d do something about it. It practically begged me to, staying hard most of the fucking night. But I never did.

Now I’m exhausted and frustrated when I enter the office to have my morning coffee before my first patrol. Laura glares at me from behind her desk but says nothing. Silent treatment. I’m okay with that. Thrilled, honestly.

Everyone better stay out of my fucking way today.

The second I take a seat in my office, before I can even have my first sip of coffee, my phone rings.

Of fucking course.

When I see it’s Ivy calling, I can’t decide if it makes my mood better or worse. Neutral, I guess. And, right now, she’s the luckiest person in the world for that considering I still blame her a little for how I acted yesterday.

Answering the call, I don’t bother with a greeting. “You sure have been calling me more than usual.”

“Have I?” she asks like she doesn’t know it’s true.

That makes me even more suspicious.

Before I asked her to help me transfer to this park, we hadn’t spoken in months. I know she’s eager to know what’s going on between me and Robin. Maybe she wants vengeance for me as much as I do, but I can’t help feeling there’s more to it.

I grind my teeth together and say her name like a warning. “Ivy.”

“Whaaat?” she whines. “Is it really so bad that I’m invested in this? Besides, I gotta check in and make sure you haven’t landed yourself in jail yet.”

“Well, Robin’s still alive, so…”

“So you must be having a lot of fun playing with him then.”

I sigh and lean back in my chair. “I’m actually not having fun at all.”

The first night, sure. I had fun making him bleed. Since then, he’s gained the upper hand. For fuck’s sake, I couldn’t even sleep last night.

If I was being honest with myself, there were a lot more images in my head than of what actually happened that kept me awake.

I’ve never been one to have much of an imagination, but my mind sure was running wild.

I’ve also never been attracted to a man or thought about having sex with one, so I have no idea how my brain was able to conjure images like that.

Oh, how far I’ve fallen from prayer to depravity.

Mostly, I hate myself because it’s fucking Robin Hood . But…

If I was still a religious man, he’d make me want to sin.

And there it is.

The damning of my soul.

“What about these plans you said you have?” Ivy asks, breaking through my spiraling thoughts. “Maybe you should focus on one of those. What’s on the list?”

I run my hand down my face and scratch at my beard just for something to distract myself.

One of the things I hate most is how quickly those thoughts about Robin came to me and how they’re refusing to leave me alone.

I don’t want to think of him that way, but now that those thoughts are there, they just keep burrowing deeper.

“Come on, Henry,” Ivy says when I haven’t answered. “You’ve opened up to me before. Talk to me now.”

It’s the sincerity in her voice that makes me give in, something only she has the power to do.

“I was going to make him feel as alone as I felt.”

“And how were you going to do that?”

I hesitate, letting out a heavy breath before answering. “Take away the one person he cares about here.”

“That John guy?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” she says, “I don’t know how much I approve of you killing someone who’s innocent in all this.”

“He’s not innocent,” I argue, my voice turning harsh. “He left me on that hilltop too.”

“Okay. Fine.” Her voice has taken on a familiar, placating tone. If she were anyone else, it would piss me off. With Ivy, it actually works on me. It always has. “So what happened to that plan?”

I shake my head and shrug even though she can’t see me. “I don’t know. I was trying to figure out when and how to do it, but…”

Then my fucking dick got hard for Robin Hood, and I’ve kind of had more pressing issues to deal with.

“It doesn’t feel worth it right now,” I finish instead.

It all must be fucking with me more than I thought because I’ve gone from being in one hell of a cranky mood to sulking about it instead.

“Henry?”

“What?”

She must have caught the change in me too because she says, “Don’t you dare give up again.”

My jaw clenches at the reminder.

“I’m not giving up.”

“Good.” She falls silent for a moment, then asks, “Would you go back? If you could?”

I have no idea where that question came from, so it catches me off guard.

It’s not that I haven’t thought about it.

I have, but I never dwell on it for long.

What would be the point when I have no clue how to get back or if it’s even possible?

Would I be any happier being back there than I would be here?

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “There’s not anything for me here, but I don’t exactly have anything for me back there either.”

“Hey, I resent that.”

I roll my eyes, but I know she deserves more credit. Not everyone has the ability to pull someone out of places as dark as the one I had gone to.

“No, you’re right,” I tell her, lacing my tone with a hint of sarcasm. “I suppose I have my revenge keeping me here. But even that has gotten all muddled up.”

“Alright, smartass.” Her voice loses its gentle edge and returns to its cheerful self. “Then what you need to do is reevaluate. You need to clear your head.”

She says it almost like she knows why I need to clear my head, but of course I’m not going to mention that because then she’ll know there’s a reason that I’m not telling her. And I’m not telling her.

“You have the perfect job for it too. Go outside. Get some fresh air. You’ll be amazed what a little time in nature can do for you.”

“Says the computer geek,” I mutter.

“Who also happens to own a cabin out in the middle of nowhere.”

I scoff. “Fair point. But I think I get plenty of nature as it is, Ivy.”

“I’m sure you do. But, this time, maybe listen to it instead of scowling at it.”

I let out a breath through my nose that’s almost a laugh. “I’ll try.”

Hanging up, I pick up my cup and take a drink, getting a little grouchy all over again when I get a mouthful of lukewarm coffee.

Listen to nature?

Like the waterfall. The steady, rhythmic hush. The sunlight glittering off the surface of the blue pool like dazzling specks of gold.

Robin swimming gracefully through the water. Wet, glistening beads dripping down the curve of his spine. Smooth, tanned skin begging to be marked…

Fuck.

I decided to take Ivy’s advice. Coming out to the waterfall was actually a good idea because this is where all my plans went to shit. If I retrace my steps, maybe I can get back on course.

There are so many questions that I need answered. The first of which, why did something in my brain suddenly snap?

Taking a seat on a large, moss-covered rock, I stare out at the waterfall, letting its white noise fill my head. I can see why Robin was out here. It’s peaceful and serene, a comforting contrast to the chaos inside me.

It’s beautiful. But it’s not get-my-dick-hard beautiful.

That was all Robin.

I don’t think I can blame Ivy after all.

I can’t blame Brian and Spencer for their public displays of affection.

I can’t claim that any of them planted seeds in my mind that only sprouted when I saw Robin here yesterday.

Because the longer I sit here and imagine him swimming through those clear blue waters in front of me, the more I come to realize he really is fucking beautiful.

I don’t know what that means for me, but that’s a crisis for another day.

The second question is…

What the fuck do I do now?

I still hate him. That hasn’t changed. I have no plans on acting on this attraction, no matter what I decide about myself. Even though I acknowledge and accept that it’s there, does it really change anything?

Do I still want to hurt him?

Fuck. I don’t fucking know.

That in and of itself is a revelation that I may not have gotten had I not taken the time to come out here and clear my head of everything else.

I guess Ivy was right, not that I’ll ever tell her that.

Up until now, I thought revenge is what I still wanted.

What I was supposed to want. Because not wanting it feels like a betrayal to the man I was three years ago.

It’s not this unwanted attraction that has me questioning it.

While it does feel like the scales have been tipped, I think I’m just… tired.

I’ve spent years wanting to make Robin pay, and now that the opportunity is finally here, I truly feel the weight of all that resentment. It’s so fucking heavy. I’m exhausted from carrying it around.

“It’s nice out here, isn’t it?”

At the sound of Robin’s voice, all that weight comes crashing back and threatens to crush me.

Here I was considering letting it go. I almost forgot how comforting it was. Like a shield. My armor. A protective barrier that keeps me from falling back into the clutches of the dark shadows I existed in before Ivy found me.

I can’t ever let go of it after all.

“It is,” I answer without turning around, my jaw clenching. “I was enjoying the peace and quiet .”

If he gets the hint, he doesn’t take it.

“I come out here a lot,” he says. “It kind of reminds me of back home.”

“If you could go back, would you?”

The question comes out before I can stop it.

I don’t know what makes me ask it. I must’ve been so deep in thought that I hadn’t heard him approach, but I don’t hear him getting any closer.

Maybe because I still haven’t turned around and can’t see him, I can pretend I’m having some kind of imaginary conversation.

“I don’t know.” His answer is the same one I gave Ivy. “I’m glad John is here with me, but I miss our other friends.”

His answer makes me grind my teeth, but I say nothing.

“Then again, I honestly kind of like it here. It’s a simple life.

No evil princes. No vigilante justice. No sheriffs trying to hunt me down and kill me.

Oh wait.” He laughs, but it quickly fades when he realizes I’m not going to join in.

He sighs and continues. “It’s not one tragedy after another here. Here, they’re only nightmares.”

I scoff. “What nightmares could you possibly have?”

“I fought in King Richard’s Crusade, Henry. Did you forget about that? I came home to find my father dead and our estate seized. I could’ve easily blamed you for that, but I didn’t. I knew Prince John was pulling all the strings.”

“You don’t blame me?”

“No, I don’t.”

I push myself off the rock and finally turn around to see Robin standing a few yards away, leaning his back against a tree. He’s not in shorts this time, instead wearing jeans and a gray jacket. My boots crunch over dead leaves as I approach, stopping when I’m two feet in front of him.

I tilt my head, studying him. Judging by the innocent glow in his eyes, he doesn’t know. He couldn’t know.

Or he would blame me.

And maybe that’s exactly what I need.

“Even though it was my sword that killed him?”

His face falls as his eyes widen. His Adam’s apple bobs with a swallow, but it doesn’t stop his voice from coming out dry and scratchy. “What?”

The corner of my mouth twitches. “You still want to talk through our shit?”

His chest rises and falls faster, a flush creeping into his cheeks. He shakes his head like he can stop it from being true.

Ivy really was right. Coming out here did help because now I can clearly see the answer to all my problems. Robin will hate me now, maybe nearly as much as I hate him.

That awful attraction will become completely irrelevant.

And if he wants to fight back? When and if I do get my revenge, it’ll make it all the more sweet.

Robin doesn’t speak. His jaw tightens. His hands curl into fists at his sides, like he’s still trying to hold on to whatever version of me he thought he knew. Or the one he had hoped I turned into.

When he hasn’t said anything in over a minute, clearly in shock, I reach up to pat him patronizingly on the cheek, twice, and not gently.

The touch sends a bit of an electric charge through me that I ignore.

Even as I practically slap him and cause his head to jerk, he barely flinches, his eyes staring at nothing, still in a state of trying to process the bomb I just dropped on him.

“Let me know when you’re ready for our next battle, Robin.”

I turn away from him and walk off through the trees. The heavy silence follows me until something breaks it—something big—moving just ahead.

I slow, eyes scanning the underbrush.

And then I see it.

A massive shape shifts from the shadows, and a low, rumbling growl vibrates through the air. Not ten paces away, the beast’s dark eyes lock on mine as I come face-to-face with a six hundred pound grizzly.