Page 53

Chapter 53

I showered off Jeb’s blood whilst Bastion and Benji disposed of his body via a quick trip to the Coven incinerator. As I stepped out of the shower, I felt clean but utterly lost.

Oscar had made me an orange juice and he held it out to me, looking uncertain. I stared at it but didn’t take it. ‘You knew? You knew she’d used black magic?’

Frustration was visible in every line of his body. ‘It’s not like you think. What she did was for the greater good, Amber. She’s a good woman.’

‘She used evil magic. Yes or no?’

He grimaced then nodded. ‘Yes. As did you, once,’ he pointed out softly.

The wind went out of my sails. ‘Yes,’ I sighed. ‘I did – when I was young and stupid.’ I had saved Jake’s life using black runes, brought him back from the brink of death, but he had never been the same. I had often blamed the black magic, the runes, but I should never have painted them on him. I should have let him die, but at the time I couldn’t.

‘Your mother was young once, too,’ he murmured. ‘She was trying to do what was right.’

‘The end doesn’t justify the means.’

‘Doesn’t it? That’s a question for each of us and our own measure of what is right and wrong.’

‘Can you tell me what she did?’

He shook his head, ‘She made me swear—’

‘—an oath.’ I sighed. Mum sure did love her oaths.

I had seen first-hand with Abigay what the cost of breaking one of Mum’s oaths was: death. So, although it half-killed me, I didn’t press Oscar.

The silence that stretched between us was tense and heavy, its weight like an anvil on my chest. My heart hurt and I suspected Oscar’s did too. I didn’t want that for him; it wasn’t his fault.

I’d been meaning to raise something and now seemed like the perfect time so I broke the silence. ‘I saw you.’

‘What?’ he asked, confused. ‘When?’

‘When Jeb broke the clearing on my mind. I was focusing on recovering forgotten memories from my father. Some of the memories given back to me were the ones that had been cleared from me, but others were forgotten ones. Forgotten memories of my other father – forgotten memories of you. I remembered you brushing my hair for school and putting it in a plait. I remembered you doing maths homework with me at the dining room table. I remembered you sitting with me while I practised my runes.’

I cleared my throat. ‘From the moment you entered my life, blood relative or not, you were always there for me. I want you to know how much I appreciate that, Oscar. How much I appreciate you .’

His eyes filled with tears and he looked away so I couldn’t see them. ‘Hey,’ I said firmly, ‘don’t be ashamed of your tears. You’re allowed to have big emotions too.’ I was channelling Bastion.

He swallowed hard and looked at me nervously. ‘For the longest time I’ve wanted to ask you something.’

‘Anything,’ I said simply. Oscar had killed ogres by chargrilling them, flung flames around like a pyrotechnician, defended me against all and sundry – yet now he looked uneasy. ‘Anything,’ I reiterated firmly, touching his hand.

‘If you’d like to – and you don’t have to – but if you’d like to it would be okay with me if you wanted to call me Dad. Sometimes. Not all the time, of course – you’re older now. And only if you want to. I wish I’d said something when you were younger, but I didn’t want you to think I was trying to replace your father.’ He was rambling, anxious about my reaction.

My vision swam with tears and a rock took up residence in my throat. I gripped his hand more firmly and nodded. ‘I’d love to … Dad.’

He nodded back and suddenly both of us were fighting tears. The absurdity of it made me choke out a half-laugh. We were ridiculous; this wasn’t a hand-holding situation. I stepped closer for a hug. He took me in his arms and kissed me lightly on the forehead.

After several long minutes of silence he said, ‘Should we visit your mum?’

‘What’s the point?’ I asked, my voice hitching with despair. ‘She hasn’t known either of us in days. Her condition is worsening suddenly and I don’t know why.’

Oscar’s face tightened as he sighed and stepped back. He knew why. If I wanted the truth out of Mum, I needed to speak to her and the only way I could do that was to heal her fractured mind. I had tried so many potions but I’d been trying to achieve the wrong thing. I had focused on curing mental illnesses when what I needed was to heal the temporal rift in her mind. Nothing like a tall order .

Luckily, I had some ideas.

Oscar brushed some stray hairs out of my eyes. ‘The point is to go there and love her. Even if she doesn’t know you, she’ll know that she’s not alone and that’s worth a little heartache for us.’

He was absolutely right. ‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘For everything. But now I need some time alone. You visit Mum, if you want to. I’ll visit her soon, I promise. I want to – I need to. I know you’re right.’ He was right. It was always worth the heartache to see her; even if she didn’t know me, I knew her, and being with her buoyed me up even on the hard days.

Oscar kissed my cheek and went to the door. ‘I’ll stay outside until Bastion is back.’ I didn’t bother to argue.

Alone, I went into my bedroom and opened the cupboard to my safe. ‘What are you doing, Ellie?’ Frogmatch’s voice piped up, making me jump.

‘The impossible,’ I answered grimly.