Page 20

W ith tears trailing down his face, Foxx softly rasped, “You’re still alive. I saw you.”

Even though he said what he knew to be true, the apparition of Cindy didn’t disappear. She continued to stand there, looking down on him, her eyes full of anger.

As did all of the others on the blasted platform that was currently burning his bare skin as he sat balled up on it, right at the water’s edge, his arms wrapped around his knees. Foxx couldn’t call them people. They were more like shadows of their former selves, gray and almost see-through.

Everyone who had died while he’d laid there and listened to their vitals drop, and everyone after, who he had not been able to save, were standing around him, judging him for living. Even the few who he now knew were alive were there. Though, them silently accusing him, with hatred in their eyes, was better than them speaking it all out loud. They’d stopped talking almost a month ago.

Foxx knew this was a dream. It had taken time for him to grasp that knowledge, as he’d kept having it in various nightmarish forms. But once he had, the knowing made it easier. It hurt still, but he could have them unnoticed now.

Foxx could keep himself calm enough that the only one who would ever know about them was himself. When they’d dropped in frequency, with the stress and chaos that had surrounded Harlow’s change, he’d thought he had been getting better. Unfortunately, they picked right back up after the council had agreed to his demands. It was stupid how less stress in life meant more in sleep…

His gaze slowly flicked around to all of the faces, there were more there now than when the dreams first started. More than what there had been just days ago, with Maverick’s new victims adding to the total.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I tried. I did. But…you all dying was not my fault.”

Silence was all that followed his words now, but still he kept trying.

He sniffled. “You aren’t really here. This is just my guilt conjuring you up, but…can’t you…” He let out a shuddered breath. “Just do me a favor and go away, hmm?” Foxx hiccupped. “I just want… I want to forget now…” More tears trailed down his face as his voice started to shake. “I don’t know how to make you all go away…”

Foxx frowned as an odd ripple seemed to go through the ghostly crowd.

“No!” he screamed, while leaping to his feet, when beyond reason, they began to part, but instead of crowding further together, those nearest the edges stepped right off without hesitation. The smell of burning flesh rose up as he watched them submerge under the holy water, their skin melting, much as it would when hit with acid.

“No, STOP!” Foxx cried. Desperately, he grabbed onto one of the figures and tried to hold them back from following. He was dragged forward, only stopping the man he held from going in for a bare second before being forced to let go, or be taken in with him. One by one, the others stepped off the edge.

Sobbing hard, Foxx dropped to his knees as the last person disappeared under the now murky blood-red water.

“Sunshine…”

The hair at the back of his neck rose at the whispered word that had come from behind him. Whimpering, Foxx slowly looked back. Scrambling to his feet, he took a step back, sobbing hard. “No…please… N-not y-you—ah.”

But Charity was there…or at least…part of her was. The lower half of her body missing, blood was dripping down from her eyes and lips, and her blonde curls looked wet as they laid around her face.

The woman stared blankly as she sang again, almost tauntingly this time, “Sunshineee.” And then she began to drag her torso forward, a large, angry slash of blood being left behind in her wake.

“N-no.” Foxx shook his head, taking another step back. “Please, stop!”

But she didn’t, she just dragged herself closer and closer.

With tears so thick he could barely see the horrible apparition, he looked for a moment longer, before taking the final step off the ledge. Foxx’s eyes closed as he fell into the holy water.

Harlow was jerked awake by the terrified scream that was let out right beside his left ear.

He looked wide-eyed out into the room as the Foxx started to thrash against his chest, before sliding off him completely. It took a second for his sleep-addled brain to realize the screams were actually wailing sobs. Rubbing at his eyes with a groan, he sat up.

Harlow stared at the vampire—who seemed to be fighting something or someone—for a bare moment, before grabbing the crying, naked and still asleep man by the shoulders and tugging him into a sitting position.

“Foxx!?” he rasped, voice hoarse.

When the vampire didn’t react and continued to struggle, he pulled him to his chest, holding the man tight in his arms, not letting go, even as the vampire started to claw at him. “Foxx, it’s okay, it’s okay. It’s just a dream. It’s just a bad dream. I’m here,” he murmured stiffly, even when the man drew blood.

It had been a while since Foxx had last woken up screaming… A month, maybe two… He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised they’d come back after what happened with Charity. From all the vampire had told him, they were caused by his misplaced guilt, so it would have made less sense for them to stay away.

“Foxx, please, you’re going to end up hurting yourself,” he rumbled softly, a tight, uncomfortable feeling forming in his chest when the man’s screams ramped up.

But just when he was starting to worry they’d have security called on them, the sound stopped and Foxx froze. A sob followed a shuddered breath, before the vampire finally sagged. “H-Harlow.”

“Shhh, I got you. Always,” Harlow promised, while Foxx wrapped his arms around him, the man burying his face into his shoulder.

Listening as the vampire’s elevated heartbeat slowed, while the wetness on his skin grew with Foxx’s tears, after a moment he asked, “More of the same, or…something new?”

“S-same—” Foxx’s words cut off briefly as his breathing stuttered, and he pulled back to look up at him. “—but different.”

“Charity?” Harlow snagged a tissue from the nightstand and wiped the vampire’s red nose, holding it to let the man blow into it, before tossing it into the trash near the bed.

“Y-yes,” the man whimpered.

“Just when they’d gone away too. I…” Harlow trailed off. Whatever he’d been about to say blanked as the vampire’s gaze averted suspiciously. “Foxx…?”

“Y-yes, just as…they'd gone away…” Foxx repeated his words, but pulled further away, scooting off his lap, clearly nervous.

“Hell, they didn’t go away at all, did they?” He rubbed his face and groaned. “You just found a fucking way to hide them.”

The vampire remained silent, but the guilt on his face told him well enough. “Why, Foxx, why?”

“I…didn’t want to bother you? And…at one point, I became more or less aware while in them, and it made them…not as bad. And they never lasted all night, so…”

Harlow let out a frustrated growl. “So I never noticed because by the time I fucking woke up, all evidence of you crying would have been gone, is that it?”

He should have known they’d stopped too abruptly. They’d been dealing with the shit from his change, and everything else that was going on, so it was frankly dumb as all hell of him to not realize that Foxx just moving past it didn’t make fucking sense .

It wasn’t like there had been much progress therapy-wise to account for it. They’d seemed to be getting worse, and then suddenly they were just gone. Harlow had assumed it meant Foxx was good to go, but he had fucking assumed wrong.

Hunching slightly, Foxx wrapped his arms around himself. “I…”

“Foxx, don’t do it again. Don’t hide them from me ever again.”

Foxx stared at Harlow, searching for answers on the dhampir’s face. Harlow’s expression would have been entirely neutral if it wasn’t for the tick in his jaw that told him the man was clenching. Yet, the tick didn’t tell him anything besides that the man was irritated. “Why?”

Harlow frowned. “ ‘Why?’ ”

“Why…do you want to know about them? Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t?”

Foxx swallowed as the man’s gaze grew intense. He wouldn’t say it was angry, but he wasn’t sure exactly what he was seeing. Foxx was just…confused.

Why would Harlow want to know about any of it? Even normal people wouldn’t want to know about something like recurring nightmares, so why would Harlow, when they definitely made the man uncomfortable? Wouldn’t it just be better if he kept it all to himself?

Hands clenching his sides, he averted his gaze and looked down, wincing as he spotted the scratches on the man’s chest. “I hurt you.”

“They’re already healed,” Harlow said, sounding unconcerned. “Foxx, I want to know when you are hurting, when you are sad, if something or somebody made you cry, or angry, because you are mine. You are mine , Foxx.”

“But…” He bit his lip. “I don’t…get why you would need to know all of that…”

“You don’t?”

Foxx shook his head, hunching further .

He flinched as the dhampir’s hand tucked underneath his chin, not fighting him when Harlow lifted his head up, making him look at him again. Yet, Foxx found the eyes staring back at him unnerving. Intense… The man’s eyes were too intense over something that shouldn’t matter.

“I don’t like seeing you cry. And you, knowing that, hid it from me. But, Foxx, do you know what’s worse than seeing you cry?”

He leaned into the man’s palm when Harlow cupped one side of his face, before hesitantly asking, “What?”

“Knowing you’ve been crying and purposely keeping it from me. Sure, I don’t like when you’re sad, but at least if I know, I have a way to try and make it better. A chance to fix it. I need to know when you are unhappy, or crying, or scared, or sad, because if I don’t, and you keep these things hidden, how long before it becomes too much to be with me and you just walk away?”

His eyes widened at that. “I wouldn’t! It wouldn’t affect us, I promise! My emotions don’t matter!”

Harlow’s hand dropped away from his face as the man let out a laugh of clear disbelief. He almost instantly missed the warmth.

“I think you’ve misunderstood something, Foxx. You see, I need to keep you. I’ll kill to do it. I want you to be with me willingly, but I think, at this point, I wouldn’t be able to let you walk away. You’ll likely have to kill me if you ever want to be rid of me.”

The dhampir tsked.

“‘Emotions don’t matter’—ha. Foxx, the only emotions that do matter to me are yours! I can’t tell you I love you. I don’t think I am capable of feeling what normal people would call love, because I don’t even know what the fuck it is. Nor do I know if I ever will.

“But I do know that I care, and the only way I can show you that I do feel something for you is by trying to help you stay happy, or by making you happy when you are sad. I can’t fucking do either of those things if you are hiding your emotions from me!”

Foxx gnawed on his bottom lip, hesitating as he thought on what to say about all that. He did wonder if Harlow’s need to try to ‘fix’ something that maybe couldn’t be fixed was due to his discomfort. As for the rest… Well, the man was worried he’d try to walk away one da y, so Foxx supposed it only made sense that the dhampir wanted to keep him happy.

He had already accepted that Harlow would never tell him that he loved him. Foxx didn’t need it anymore. The worry that what the man was giving him was not enough…it… At least, Foxx didn’t think it was there anymore. So really, Harlow was putting too much weight on the things Foxx felt. But…apparently, even if he wasn’t worried anymore, Harlow still was…

“I-I don’t want that anymore. I don’t care if you never say that you love me. I’m happy with what you do give me. It’s not something you need to worry about. S-so?—”

“Foxx, whether you want that from me or not, it doesn’t change anything. You are mine to care for. Mine to comfort. And I am failing at both if you are by my side, pretending to be happy, while hiding what is hurting you.”

Foxx had thoughts on that, mostly along the lines of some emotions only being a burden. But he wasn’t sure if the thoughts were right, and he was starting to feel too tired to argue.

Knowing that if he said what he was currently thinking out loud, an argument would be all he got, Foxx instead asked, “You…want to comfort me?”

Harlow smirked. “Yes, Brat. I want to comfort you. You don’t have to tell me specifics if you don’t want to. But when you’re sad, tell me. During the day, I’ll hold you, feed you if you want, take you to some craft fair, plot revenge on whoever the fuck made you sad, and just be there for you, even though we both know I won’t have the right things to say.

“At night, wake my ass up. Cover my damn shirt, or my bare chest if that’s the only option, with your tears and snot, while I hold you tight, and again, say the wrong fucking things.”

Foxx chuckled sadly, brushing a tear away as it trailed down, even as his heart did a happy little flip at the man’s words. “You say the right things.”

The dhampir scoffed, “Bullshit.”

He smiled, and then his stomach rumbled. Great, hungry and sad now … Ugh, he really wanted a? —

Foxx eyed Harlow speculatively. “D-do you really want to comfort me?”

Harlow lifted a brow in question. “Yes?”

“C-could we…maybe…go get a grilled cheese? And…milk?” He sniffled. “I’d really like some milk…”

The man chuckled. “And a grilled cheese?”

Foxx nodded, sniffling again.

“Go get dressed.”

He sent the dhampir a beaming smile, moving to do just that when he had a thought. “Gavin! W-we need to ask him if he wants to go!”

Harlow just stared blankly at him. “Why?”

“Because he’s family!” Foxx cried. For some reason, his tears that had almost stopped started right back up again. “We can’t leave him behind. Wh-what if he wakes up and finds us gone?! Or if he’s hungry? How do you think he’d feel being l-left behind?!”

The man’s brow pinched. “I likely shouldn’t point this out, but I’m going to. Why do his feelings matter when you think yours don’t?”

Foxx couldn’t answer that. Because he wasn’t sure he knew the answer, only that it was true. “H-he’s family!” he repeated, as that’s all he could think to say as the tears continued to come.

Harlow stared for a moment, before finally saying, “Fuck it, fine! I’ll go wake his ass up. Stop crying for him!”

Gavin’s eyes snapped open, suddenly finding himself awake and filled with dread. He felt a sense of abject terror for the first time in a long ass while as he stared at the figure looming over him. A high-pitched scream slipped out of his mouth of its own accord, but the sound cut off the moment he realized who the fuck it was.

“Holy shit, Harlow!? What the fuck?!” he snapped on sitting up. Gavin patted his own chest, trying to calm his racing heart .

“Get up, we're going out to eat!” Harlow barked.

Gavin blinked. “W-what?! What time is it?!” he asked, even as he jumped out of bed and tugged on his discarded pajama pants.

“Near 7am,” the man grunted. “Hurry up.”

Pulling his shirt on, then his hoodie over the top, he hesitated while eyeing his shoes and discarded socks. Gavin quickly opted for slipping his feet into his blue bunny slippers instead. They had treads…they were shoes enough. He was way too unawake to wear actual clothes right now.

Harlow oddly didn’t comment on his choice of shoe wear, just turned and headed out the door.

Gavin watched the dhampir disappear down the hall before sighing and rushing after him. “Why are we going out at 7am to eat?”

His eyes narrowed when Harlow didn’t answer. Grabbing onto the man’s arm, he smiled as the dhampir growled, “Get off.”

“Not until you tell me why we are going out to eat at 7am, after at most only five hours of sleep. Likely it was less for you, since I know you and that vampire of yours weren’t sleeping most of the time. And more importantly, why did my ass get woken up when I’ve already—” Gavin cut off as they stepped into the parking lot and he spotted Foxx.

The vampire’s eyes were wide and glossy, with redness underneath, the same color his nose currently was. He was also dressed like a sad bear. Well, Foxx was just sad, and in a bear-shaped sunsuit.

Light blue, the inner part of his bear ears were rainbow, and over the onesie there were fluffy white rain clouds, with one large cloud-shaped belly pocket. The lower half of his legs were also rainbow, as were the paw pads on his gloves, while his boots were white with a little rainbow heart on the front of them.

As his gaze did several swipes up and down the man, Gavin couldn’t help but assume that the vampire’s outfit fully explained why Harlow hadn’t commented on his fuzzy blue bunny slippers.

“Everything…okay?” he asked slowly.

Foxx’s bottom lip trembled. “Y-you don’t want to go?”

Feeling the full weight of the death glare Harlow was sending him, even without looking over and seeing it, Gavin blurted out, “I-I do! I do want to go. Yes, I am very hungry.”

Not that he would have said no, even without the possible impending harm to his body. Gavin wasn’t sure he had it in him to be mean to a sad cutie pie vampire with freckles and dimples. Maybe if Foxx was an asshole, but so far, it didn’t seem as if he was. Yet something had obviously upset the man, and he was wisely not going to upset him further…even if he wasn’t hungry.