Page 4 of Falling for the Mountain Man

Zaria

I think Kallie knows.

The look she gave me when she caught what almost could’ve been a kiss, there was something in her eyes. Something that’s been weighing down on my chest since.

I can’t be greedy and reach for what I want, not without risking losing something too good.

The situation I’m in feels like a lose-lose. I risk losing my best friend if she’s disgusted by the idea of me getting closer with Ryder. Then, I’ll have no reason to stay in her life, resulting in my drifting away from the West family.

If I don’t chase after the hope that he might feel something for me, then I’m going to have to continue this game of crushing my feelings and pretending I don’t feel anything.

“Kallie?” Whispering her name, the air mattress I’m sleeping on groans beneath my weight as I shift to sit up.

After eating a full meal, she declared she was calling it early. Now, while she’s resting so peacefully, I’m unable to do the same.

She doesn’t respond, not even her breathing shifts.

I want to bring up the topic and explain my side of things. Maybe if she understands that I truly want Ryder, that this isn’t some kind of spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, then maybe…she’ll understand.

She has to understand. There has to be a way for me to get what I want without losing everything.

Trying her name once more with the same result, I groan under my breath and consider lying back down.

Tomorrow, we’re going back to Arizona. Already, this trip has felt like a blur. Why couldn’t all of this have happened during our winter break? At least then, I would’ve had weeks to prepare for this kind of talk.

Everything would’ve been easier if he’d just not leaned in and gotten my hopes up.

With not an ounce of exhaustion in my body, I get up. Silently, I leave her room and enter the dark hall.

It doesn’t take long before I’m seeing a hint of light. Following it, I’m led to the dining room.

Ryder’s sitting at the table, surrounded by his laptop, some papers, and a cup of coffee. The steam smells like hazelnut, and I can’t tell if it’s the drink that’s making my mouth water, or the man himself. With his back to me, I take in the broad state of him.

It’s no surprise that he’s a wall of muscle. Even if he has been stationed behind a desk since I’ve known him, he still must spend plenty of time keeping his body in shape.

I’ve never seen a man like him. While Kallie is trying her hardest to meet someone back at university, I couldn’t find someone like Ryder even if I searched in every nook and cranny.

Not that it matters, I wouldn’t waste my time looking for something second best, not while I have him right here, all the way in Montana.

Walking forward, I creep across the floor without making a sound.

Hovering behind, one look over his shoulder shows that he’s writing out emails.

Next to him, a notepad with handwriting only this man can read.

Breathing in, he smells like the bar of soap in the shower. Must’ve slipped in after dinner.

He smells really good.

“It’s kind of late, isn’t it?”

My question makes his shoulders jerk and his head turn toward me. So close, I’m the one stumbling back a foot.

“Can’t sleep?” Somehow, I keep my voice steady despite having only a couple of inches of space between us. “Everything alright?”

He turns back, his fingers returning to the keyboard. “Yeah, just trying to get work done. It’s the only reason I got away with playing hooky today. Tomorrow, too.”

I stir where I stand, unsure if I should drift to the living room so I don’t distract him, or if he’d let me sit at the table.

I can’t believe how much I’m starving to share the same space as him. Embarrassingly enough, I’d get comfortable on this man’s lap if he let me. Only then would my inner needs be satisfied.

“Some coffee is left in the pot if you’re thirsty. It won’t help you fall asleep, but it helps alleviate this restlessness. I’m assuming you’re on edge about leaving?”

He reads me like a book, and he’s not even looking my way.

“Something like that.” Not able to lie to the man, I don’t want to outright spell out the truth. I’m already fighting a war not to let everything spill right out every time we’re left alone with each other.

Drifting over toward the counter, I glance over my shoulder to see him looking my way despite his fingers continuously moving. I wish I had the power to multitask like that. Unfortunately, with this man involved, I can’t do anything else at the same time. I’m useless when it comes to him.

Finding the cups in the same spot, I pluck out one that’s familiar. Drifting toward the pot, I feel his eyes with every step. It’s a miracle I don’t spill the coffee once I get my fingers wrapped around the handle.

“Shame we have to fly out so soon.” Stirring my cup, I watch the creamer disappear into the coffee and breathe in the sweet smell. “This isn’t going to help my lack of sleep in the slightest, but hey. At least I’m not spending this night alone. I’ve got you.”

Like the wall I’ve built to keep my feelings contained suddenly has large jarring cracks running through it to let out a little bit of the truth without the ability to stop a confession from seeping out.

For a short moment, it’s complete silence surrounding us with the exception of my spoon against the glass as I keep moving. If I stop, I’ll have to turn around and face him after saying something so daring.

There’s the creak of a chair and the thump of footsteps. I hardly get enough time to turn before he’s suddenly right here. Right within my reach. Just like earlier, but without the risk of getting caught. That is, if we’re quiet.

“Ryder…” His name comes out so wobbly, so unsure.

He looks…frustrated. Exhausted. Like he’s been fighting a battle for a long time, and I’m not helping out in the slightest by speaking freely.

“You have no idea how hard it is to keep my distance, Zaria.” He groans like he’s in physical pain. Even more when he reaches out for me, his fingers grazing my heated cheek in one slow stroke. “I’m trying my hardest to be a good man.”

“You are a good man.” My lungs burn as the obvious truth comes out of me. “You’re you.”

He cracks a smile, a small, devastating thing that feels like a direct punch to my heart. It throbs, a painful, beautiful ache in my chest.

“You’re young, Zaria.” His brows pinch together, his gaze tracing every feature of my face as if memorizing it.

“So gorgeous. It’s a miracle those college boys leave you alone.

They should be falling at your feet. You deserve someone you can grow with, not someone who’s already lived a lifetime without you. ”

My skin tingles, burning under the weight of his compliment. I never dreamed he saw me that way. But the practical words that follow are a cold splash of reality, tightening my stomach into a hard knot.

“I don’t want them.” The confession is a whisper, a dangerous truth expanding in my chest, stealing my air. I have to let it out. My fingers curl into tight fists, nails biting into my palms. “I want… I want you. I don’t care about the years. The only thing stopping me is…Kallie.”

He nods, his expression somber. She’s the thread that binds us, the reason and the obstacle all at once. Without her, we wouldn’t be standing here in this breathless, small space. He wouldn’t be cradling my face as if I were made of glass.

“I’ll talk to her.” He says it like a vow, a solution that sends a treacherous bolt of hope straight through me. The idea of him lifting this weight from my shoulders is so profoundly tempting that it makes me dizzy.

His thumb lifts, brushing the curve of my bottom lip. The touch is feather-light, but it sends a shockwave of pure heat straight to my core, a prickling awareness that coils low in my stomach. My breath hitches, a tiny, betraying sound.

“We shouldn’t.” The words leave me, weak with a ghost of a protest I don’t truly feel.

“I know.” His voice is a low, rough murmur.

Yet he doesn’t move. He just holds me there, his eyes narrowed and hungry, tracing the path his thumb just took.

His gaze drops to my lips, lingers, and my own part slightly on a shaky inhale.

“But I want to, Zaria. There’s nothing in this world I want more right now. ”

I know that if we do anything, I’ll be gone. There won’t be any changes of pushing Ryder from my mind and moving on to someone else.

As if there’s any chance to begin with.

Even if I’m denied this man, no one will ever come close to making me feel this way again.

So, even if I know I should wait, I can’t help it. I lift on my toes and I kiss him.