Page 32 of Falling for Raine
“Continue.”
“Uh, I…he—” I licked my lips and melted into the upholstery in defeat. “We were secret lovers.”
Silence.
Hushed conversations, faraway laughter, and the clinking of silverware filtered through our private bubble like background music. It was comforting in a way, but it wouldn’t last.
“I see. May I ask what happened? Off the record, of course.”
I sighed heavily. “I don’t know what to say. I had an affair with my boss and in spite of the professional complications, I had zero regrets…until I found out he’d lied about—everything. Including his marital status.”
“You had an affair with a married man?”
“I didn’t know he was married,” I insisted. “Damian didn’t talk about his private life at all. He was stoic and quiet and…nice. I worked for him for three years before he mentioned that he and his wife had separated. I didn’t think anything of it. I liked him, but I didn’t think of himthatway. He was ten years older than me and geez, I thought he was straight.”
“He wasn’t.”
“No. Like I said, I didn’t know and I’d been reassigned to aid another professor, so it was over. But he requested me to assist on an archival piece for the Motion Picture Academy and…things gradually changed. Nothing would have happened at all if he hadn’t told me that the separation hadn’t worked and he was in the final stages of a divorce. He wanted to keep our relationship quiet at work. He wasn’t ready to come out to his colleagues…and we were working together, so it seemed reasonable. Coming out is a very personal thing no matter how old you are.”
“True,” Graham agreed, tilting his chin slightly.
“I was born out and my mom loves me no matter what, but I have close friends who went through hell with families who didn’t accept them. I even know people who’ve lost jobs and friends because of their sexuality. I would never put anyone in jeopardy. But God, I was such an idiot.” I shook my head ruefully. “I believed everything he said. I didn’t question that we were always at my place and that he rarely had weekends free. I took what he gave and figured it was a matter of time till things settled down.”
“And that never happened.”
“No, I found out through the office grapevine that Damian was still very much married and that his beautiful wife was expecting their first child. I was in the break room when a fellow professor congratulated him. Apparently, they’d been trying to get pregnant for years. Everyone knew…except me.”
I braced myself for the accompanying stab of pain that came whenever I thought about that awful chapter of my life, but it didn’t come. Don’t get me wrong, the guilt, horror, anger, and gut-wrenching heartbreak were there…they simply took a back seat to Graham Horsham. He loomed larger than my past mistakes somehow.
He was the sort of man who took up space without saying a word. He didn’t have to. His pursed lips and arched brow said it all. No doubt he was thinking I was a fucking moron and a coward and?—
“The professor sounds like a world-class prick,” Graham huffed.
I chewed on my bottom lip and nodded. “Yeah, but I’m not exactly innocent. I should have done my research. I used to be an expert at hunting for clues and sifting through Google entries like an academic Sherlock Holmes. I lost my edge along with my common sense, which I guess happens when you’re dedicated to a fantasy.”
“You believed what you were told by someone you respected and…he let you down.”
“It wasn’t just about me, though. He betrayed his wife…withme,” I yelped. “That makes me a horrible person by default.”
“Does it?”
“Yes. I should have put the clues together. I should have asked probing questions. I should have known I was being used. Maybe I did. Ignoring reality is my specialty, but I never meant to hurt anyone,” I finished in a barely audible tone. “I swear.”
He let silence gather and this time, I was grateful for it. If I hadn’t just spilled my guts and revealed my deepest regret, I might have been tempted to fill it with my usual stream-of-consciousness chatter, but it felt like too much work and I just didn’t have it in me. I sat quietly instead and tried to connect the dots.
I mean…seriously. How did I get here? My one-night stand turned out to be my boss. Again. Except Graham was nothing like Damian. He was a tall, suave, handsome, and powerful executive, not an ordinary-looking academic with a god complex and an aversion to the truth. If anything, Graham was brutally honest.
And intense.
His sharp gaze was unnerving. I couldn’t read him at all, but that was okay. He knew the worst of me now. There was a very good chance I’d never see him after tonight, so I wasn’t sure why I’d bothered with uncomfortable truths. On the other hand, it felt nice to set my burden down for a minute.
“You’re hard on yourself, aren’t you?” he asked, ripping me from my reverie.
My eyes snapped to his. “I…maybe a little.”
“More than a little,” Graham hummed. “Anyone can get lost in ‘should haves’ and ‘would haves,’ but what’s done is done. There’s no point in punishing yourself. You’re here now…and you still haven’t told me why you conned your way into an executive assistant position. Atmyfirm, no less.”
I winced as I briefly glanced away. “I was desperate to get as far away from LA as possible, and London won. My best friend Winnie’s sketchy brother-in-law owns the law firm I told you about. I asked Milo for an extra-fabulous referral and wound up getting one so good that it convinced Julia to hire me. And…here we are.”