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“Back together? That doesn’t make any sense, Marlow. Aside from you, Blair is the only other person I’ve ever been with for more than one night. How could I get back together with someone I’ve never even dated?”

Marlow doesn’t say anything. The skin on her cheeks and chest is bright red and she’s fighting back more tears.

More softly, I add, “It’s probably just some woman I spent the night with forever ago passing through town and hoping for a repeat performance.”

“That’s hardly any better, Ryan.”

“Okay, well what did she look like?”

“Short…freckles…dark brown curly hair…”

Bonnie.

But why would she say that we’re together?

Marlow said she was talking to the bartender, and suddenly the pieces start to fit together. I breathe a sigh of relief and reach for Marlow’s hand. Her fingers rest limply in mine.

“Marlow, this is a misunderstanding.”

She studies my face for a second and pulls her hand away from mine.

“So, you know her?”

“Yeah, it must have been Bonnie. She’s a friend of mine. Well, not even a friend, really. I just helped her out by pretending to be interested in her to make Eric, the bartender, jealous. She had a thing for him.”

Marlow chews this over, allowing a moment to pass before she speaks again.

“You two never hooked up?” she asks.

“No…well, sort of. We went home together once, but she spent all night talking about Eric.”

The skin on Marlow’s chest deepens a shade.

“Marlow, please trust me: nothing happened between Bonnie and me,” I say.

“Nothing except you wanting to have sex with her, but feeling guilty about the fact that she liked someone else?”

I sigh, wishing I could either rewind and explain things differently or fast forward to see where this conversation is going to end.

“It’s not like that. I just…”

“And if she has such a big crush on the bartender, why would she tell him that she’s dating you when he’s basically begging her for a date?”

Marlow stands up before I can answer. She’s pacing across the room, blotting her eyes with the heels of her hand. I push away from the table and trail behind her at a cautious distance.

I could tell her all about Bonnie and Eric’s terrible date.

Bonnie filled me in one night when we ran into each other at the bar.

Turns out, Eric is the hipster asshole I always thought he was.

Surprise, surprise. But none of that matters.

This isn’t about Bonnie or Eric. This is about the fact that Marlow will never really trust me.

No matter what I do, she’ll always have doubts about me. About us. And no matter what we do, we just can’t seem to get this right. I want to fight for her. Every single cell inside my body wants to go to her, tuck her into my arms, and kiss her until she forgets about all of this.

But I can tell that Marlow doesn’t have any fight left in her. It’s in the slump of her shoulders, the tension around her eyes. She’s already made up her mind and I don’t think there’s anything I can do to change it.

That doesn’t mean I won’t keep trying.

“Marlow, there’s only you. Even back when you and I were just pretending, there was only you. I haven’t touched another woman – or even wanted to – since you and I have been together.”

Her arms are wrapped around her middle protectively.

I know she’s trying to decide whether or not she believes me, and it fucking guts me.

I worked so hard to get to this point with her, where I actually thought I had broken through that icy shell of hers and gained her trust. I don’t know what else I can do to convince her that there is no one else but her. Now or ever.

The look on Marlow’s face right now tells me I’ll never get the chance to try.

The wall of ice is creeping back up around her rapidly. I can see the blocks piling up in front of her, thicker and higher than ever before. When Marlow exhales a deep breath, I can feel the chill of her words even before she says them out loud.

“Ryan, I just think between this…and the Kayla thing…” she starts.

“Kayla? Are you serious? You know that I hardly ever even spoke to her. Are you really holding that against me?”

Marlow sighs and shakes out her hands.

“No, I’m not holding it against you. I know you didn’t provoke her, but my point is that there will always be some woman chasing after you.”

“And I’ll always be giving all of my attention to you. I don’t care about those other women. I’ve never given you any reason to doubt me or the way I feel about you.”

“I know, but I just don’t…”

“You don’t trust me,” I finish for her.

Her gaze drops to the floor as she shakes her head slowly. It’s infuriating, the way that she just disappears behind her wall of ice. When she does, Marlow becomes as unreachable as the North Fucking Pole. And for all of her ice, I’m fire. It’s coursing through my veins and burning to my core.

Words that I already know I’m going to regret bubble up like lava. Despite my best attempts, I can’t force them back down. I’ve given this everything that I have. Given her everything that I know how to give. And for all my efforts, Marlow never budges an inch.

“Well, if you honestly think that I would even think about touching another woman then you haven’t been paying much attention. All I fucking see is you, Marlow. But I’m done trying to convince you. If it’s easier for you to just push everyone away, then I hope you enjoy being alone.”

Marlow is a stone pillar as I walk past her and out the front door. She doesn’t even breathe. The red flush in her cheeks has crept up her temples, around her ears, down her neck, and to places I can’t see. Places I’ll never see again.