Page 45

EZRA

“ Y ou must not return to The Sanctum.” The hooded dude talking to me is smaller than the big Watcher who laid down the law, but no less forbidding.

He followed Owyn Maddox and I into the parking lot and stopped us.

I look past him, trying to catch a glimpse of Lysander inside Maddox’s office, but the windows are darkened by shadows.

It feels so wrong to leave without him.

“What?” I finally register what he’s saying. “My job is there, man.”

“Shit.” Maddox pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry, Ezra. He’s right. The Protection Agency will go full scorched earth with Syril if you go back to The Sanctum. They’re on high alert now. Honestly, Zagoth is going to be pretty pissed at me about the whole thing, too.”

“What do you mean, scorched earth ?” I demand, feeling the life I’ve built slipping between my fingers.

They’re really going to do this.

They’re really going to take everything.

“We will be forced to shut down the dryad’s business.” The Watcher sounds sympathetic. “You must not underestimate the threat of the azeroths. Clean yourself of fairy dust and stay in the human quarter of the city. Otherwise, they will be able to trace you. Use this.”

He shoves a small green bottle at me. I stuff it in my pocket, too angry to look at it.

“How long? When can I see Lysander again?”

The Watcher shakes his head silently. I look at Maddox.

“I don’t know. I can’t promise anything. I’ll talk to Zagoth, but…” He grimaces. “It’s better if you lay low for now.”

I want to demand why the hell he sent me to The Sanctum in the first place. I want to make him and the Watcher see exactly what they’re ripping away from me.

I want to march back into the office and grab Lysander and take him home.

But Lysander begged me to leave.

It’s not his fault this hurts so much. It’s not the fault of this Protection Agency, or even Owyn Maddox. I wish I had anyone to blame besides myself for falling in love.

Maddox takes my amulet.

“I’ll give it back to Syril for safekeeping,” he tells me. Part of me is pretty sure I’ll never see it again.

It doesn’t really hit me until I’m home, and then it’s like I can’t breathe.

I can’t go back.

The apartment is empty when I get in. Thank god.

I couldn’t face Fitzie like this. I feel like such an idiot for nurturing my little crush and letting it grow out of control, letting it spiral into something big, and real, and heartbreaking.

I knew Lysander wasn’t for me. Besides being a whole-ass part of the royal family, his demons are all too real, and I’m helpless to fix that for him.

I wanted to close my eyes and pretend it wasn’t gonna kill me when this inevitably blew up in my face.

I wanted to pretend it wouldn’t hurt him .

But I know how he looks at me. I felt his despair when he went limp in my arms, his face horribly blank except for a fraction of a second where it all shone through. Fuck. I couldn’t help the words that tore out of me in the moment. What if I’ve made it worse?

It’s the truth though.

I love Lysander. My sweet, gorgeous, scorching hot prince. I’m in love with him. And I don’t know where the hell to go from here.

Fitzie gets back in the afternoon. I hear the door open and his borrowed keys clatter on the counter. There’s a thud as he kicks his boots off. I bury my face in the pillow. Maybe he won’t notice anything’s wrong.

I don’t really want to talk.

I haven’t even thought about how this is gonna affect my bank account. If I can’t go back to The Sanctum, I can’t earn a paycheck. Can’t do rent. Can’t make my payments to the non-profit. I’m gonna need another job, but the thought makes me want to crawl into a hole.

There’s a knock at the bedroom door, interrupting my self-pity session.

“Ez, are you alive?” He actually sounds worried.

I cover my head with the pillow.

“Orion told me what happened. I’m coming in.”

Damn it. I knew this would be a side effect of introducing Fitzie to Orion — both of them are gossip hounds, and obviously nothing’s a secret in the monster world. I want to be glad they’re getting along, but right now it just hurts. I leave my head stuffed under the pillow, not ready to face him.

Fitzie gets on the bed with a sigh, his knees stabbing me in the ribs accidentally.

“Only you, Ez.”

“Fuck off,” I mumble into the mattress.

“I don’t think I will.” He snorts. “I’m generously not saying I told you so.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“So, what, you’re not allowed to see him anymore? Smells like bullshit.”

I groan at hearing my own words pitched back at me. “It’s their law.”

“Is this some kind of Meghan Markle crap? You’re good enough to work for monsters but not good enough to marry into their royal family?”

“It’s not like that.” I toss the pillow away with a sigh.

He’s not going to leave me be, and part of me admits I love him for it.

“They’re trying to protect their whole world.

If something happens to me, things could go really badly for them.

What if a bunch of humans decided to take up the pitchforks? ”

“Okay, but that’s not your responsibility,” Fitzie points out. “We live in civil society. There are laws against that kind of thing.”

“It’s not my call either, though.”

Fitzie sighs and falls silent. The cover shifts every so often while he tugs it back and forth. A wave of deep sadness rises through my chest.

“Plus, humans aren’t exactly known for their massive tolerance of different types of people, are they?

Case in point.” I wave at myself. “And not to make this weird, but… you haven’t even put on the amulet once.

The only other human I know who’s part of this world is Owyn Maddox, and he’s clearly a bit of a wacko.

Who’s to say the people in charge wouldn’t come after them with pitchforks?

I can’t blame them for not wanting to take the chance. ”

“Okay, first of all, there’s a big difference between chasing monsters with pitchforks and being a teeny, tiny bit scared to see what they really look like.”

I look over at Fitzie, who’s staring at his toes. “You’re scared?”

“Shut up. What did I say?”

I grab his legs, shaking him gently. “I was scared too. It’s fine. I don’t want to pressure you.”

“It’s just a lot,” Fitzie mutters. “My best friend tells me monsters are real, then suddenly one of them is your boyfriend and others are my friends — and some of them are hot as hell. I just don’t want to ruin anything.”

“Hot as hell, huh?” I narrow my eyes. “What’ve you and Orion been up to?”

Fitzie snorts. “Ugh, not him. He’s a switch and I’m a gold star power bottom, thanks very much — never put my dick in a man’s ass, never want to.”

“T-M-I,” I groan, falling back to the bed.

“The point is, this sucks and I don’t get why it’s your fault.”

“I could’ve left him alone.”

Could’ve resisted putting my hands on him. Could’ve done the sensible thing and not taken him to the river. Could’ve made sure we didn’t leave the safety of Syril’s territory.

“Your boyfriend might look air-headed, but he’s actually pretty fucking smart and a whole-ass adult,” Fitzie snaps. “He made the same choices you did.”

“You weren’t there. I did the same thing Jasper did to me — I came on strong and didn’t let up till he was in my bed.” Or till he was begging me to stay in his bed, because I’d made him depend on me.

“The difference is that you were a teenager!” Fitzie says, exasperated. “Jasper was a decade older than you and barely waited until you turned eighteen before he sunk his nasty little claws in. Lysander knew what he was doing.”

“How do you know?” I mutter.

“Because.” There’s a rustle, and Fitzie smacks me in the chest with something. I take my arm away and grab at the papers before they scatter over the bed.

“What’s this?”

“My new apartment. Brand new. It has a doorman. There’s a view of the river from the balcony — you kinda have to squint to see it, but still.”

I flip through the papers, disbelief rising. “You rented a place? You’re staying?”

“No, your boyfriend rented a place for me. At first I was pissed, because it’s typical overbearing rich kid stuff. But then I figured, why let that get in the way of a sweet apartment on someone else’s dime?”

His casual attitude hides a lot of history. Fitzie hates two things: this city, and having to depend on other people. Well, and feelings. And his shitty dad. Point is, I could never in a million years have predicted he’d let someone else pay rent for him.

The papers crinkle in my hand as I sit up. “You’re really staying?”

Fitzie makes a face. “I’m staying. At least for now. Who knows, maybe it’ll grow on me, like a fungus. Clearbrook Heights is pretty far from that asshole , at least.” That asshole being his dad.

I launch myself at him.

“No!” he shrieks, trying to push me off, but unfortunately for him I’m still bigger and stronger. I pin him to the bed with a hug for as long as I can get away with before he manages to squirm away. “Get your gross emotions off me.”

I squeeze my eyes against the stupid onslaught of feelings. I’m not gonna cry — because Fitzie would strangle me, but also because I’m not sad.

I’m hurting and my heart aches. But I can be better than just sad.

“I can’t believe you’re staying. I can’t believe Lysander is paying for your condo! See, he likes you.”

“No, dumbass, he likes you . He wants you to be happy. If I get free stuff out of it, I guess I can’t complain.” Fitzie adjusts the curls I ruined by squashing him. “Anyway, it’s not all about the life of luxury. I still need a job.”

Fitzie pries me out of my bed and forces me to watch Unnatural with him on the couch.

He bitches through five episodes, which is a minor miracle because usually he has to turn on some drama-filled reality TV show after just two.

I don’t even complain when he starts giving the characters stage directions.

“You’re supposed to look sad , not constipated. Your girlfriend just turned into a werewolf and ate your cousin. You should be freaking out! Emote!” He turns to me. “Hey, are werewolves real?”

I shrug. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Getting Felix to stay in Greenriver means more to me than Lysander could know. But on the other hand… he must have understood, at some level. Maybe I’ve been so focused on taking care of him that I didn’t realize he also takes care of me.

I roll my head to the side and stare at Fitzie. “You gonna find a job at a dance studio?”

“Nah. I think I’m done with that part of my life.” He shrugs stiffly. “Orion said he knows someone who needs an event manager, so I guess it’s time to put that dumb diploma I got in college to use.”

“Who does Orion know that could get you a job?” I sit up.

Felix flashes me a guilty look. “They might be a monster.”

“Might?”

“Well, I won’t be able to tell, will I?” he says testily. “Orion says they don’t care if I wear the necklace or not. I guess we’ll see.”

I let it go. Orion is ultimately a good guy, even if he can be a bit of a loose cannon. I trust him.

Besides, just like Lysander, Fitzie is a whole-ass adult.

“I’m happy for you,” I tell him. “And if you’ve got any questions about how to woo a hot piece of monster ass —”

Fitzie hits me with a cushion. “No!”

Fitzie’s not gonna go the dumbass route like I did and fall for one. I don’t regret it, though. Even now. Not for a second.