Page 45 of Fair Trade

Again.

But this time, I losther.

I force my breaths to even out and start getting to work on cleaning up my mess. It doesn’t take me long, but as I replay our kiss for what feels like the millionth time, the mind-bending pain returns with a vengeance when I realize I missed the most fatal blow of all.

She finally called me Nick.

nineteen

I can fix this.

Maybe.

Sorta.

Fuck.

Goddamn it, Nick. Why did you have to mess this all up?

We were perfectly fine, dancing on the edge of a knife blade, teetering past what was appropriate for a boss/employee relationship.

And then I went ahead and kissed him. Right before I said I was sorry and walked out on him.

It was probably always going to end this way, but why did it have to be now?

This doesn’t feel over.

It can’t be.

But Nick was vulnerable enough to ask for what he wanted, so maybe it’s time I did the same.

Something that I’ve learned I need to work on is slowing down while under pressure. That’s somethinghetaught me. Yet whenhe had his body pressed against mine, I couldn’t think, couldn’t trust my own judgment, and ran to my first instinct.

To protect my image.

It sounds callous now that I’ve had a day to reflect on everything, and I think Nick and I need another conversation to really talk things through. Preferably one where we’re not touching each other. That way my brain cells can be present.

“Good morning, Marla. Is he in?” I point at Nick’s closed door.

Marla looks between the door and me, as if a wild animal might escape its confines. “Maybe you should stop by later? The boss seems to be in a bit of a mood.”

“Oh.” I drop into the extra seat by Marla’s desk, guilt consuming me.

I hear a door swoosh open and a sudden energy shift.

“No need. I’m here now. What do you need, Ms. Álvarez?” Nick stands before his open office door, more imposing than ever. Gone are the flickers of mischief in his eyes or the slight upturn at the corners of his lips.

As well as my name, apparently.

“Uh. Hi, Ni—Stonehaven. I wanted to know if you had a minute. To talk.” I clear my throat, feeling awkward.

Nick looks down at his watch and gives me a slight shake of his head. “I’m afraid I don’t have a minute to spare.” He looks at Marla. “Call my pilot and have my plane ready to go within the hour, please. I’d like to be in London before midnight.”

“London?” I ask, my voice coming out dangerously close to a shrill.

“Yes. I have an actual company to run besides this side gig, in case you’ve forgotten. And I have pressing matters that need my undivided attention,” he offers cooly.

“Noted. When will you be back? You know, in case I have to discuss business matters with you?”