Page 13 of Exquisite Monster

Varísettled into the bed with the book, and I quickly washed. She was right. I needed to rest. Even though I’d slept for days andhadbeen resting, I still didn’t feel right down here. I didn’t feelwhole.

I wasn’t sure if it was because I was human, and being so far underground wasn’t natural for me. I missed the sky and the wind on my face. I missed the sun.

It was entirely possible that’s why I felt weaker than I ever had.

Very possible.

But it wasn’t the truth.

The truth was something I didn’t want to think about, but at the moment I couldn’t hold it back. I wrapped myself in a clean robe and sank into the nest of a bed, curling around myself, and finally, allowing them to enter my head.

I hadn’t allowed myself to say their names. Justthemormates, because the second I allowed their names into my head. Their faces, scents,voices?—

We will find you. I promise.

Pain surged through my chest, memories coming hard and fast now that I’d breached the barrier holding them back. I’d felt their fear, their anger, their heartbreak at having to give in. Even though they’d tried to hide it, I felt it through our bonds, and I felt it now like an echo.

Tears gathered beneath my closed eyelids, slowly slipping out and down my skin.

The truth was, I felt weak and exhausted because they were gone. Because they were now a part of my soul, and we were separated. If it was like this for me, how bad was it for them, being apart from me?

Were they all right? Was Andaros taking out his anger at me on them? Were they… were they being tortured?

A sob broke free, and I covered my hand with my mouth, not wanting the sound to travel through Gleym’s home. Dragons had much better senses, and I didn’t want her to hear my tears and think me weak, no matter if I was.

Soft little claws picked at the skin of my arms asVaríclimbed over me. I was wrapped around myself, but he steadily forced himself underneath my arms until I was wrapped aroundhim. His head rested beneath my chin, and he purred like he knew it was what I needed.

It only made me cry harder.

Endre.Sirrus. Zovai.

Would it be easier if I could feel them so far away? Would it make me feel worse if they were in pain and unable to do anything about it? Would it help them or hurt them if they could feel me?

They knew I was alive. I knew that because I knewtheywere alive.

Those words Sirrus said slipped into my mind.We will find you. I promise.

Would they be able to find me down here? Would they be able to find me at all if Andaros held them hostage? The monster that had once been my betrothed… he’d been planning what to do with captive dragons for his whole life, and I was no fool. He wanted them for a reason, even if I didn’t know what it was.

They had promised to find me, but I wasn’t going to wait here and hope Andaros made a mistake that would free them. I’d never been someone willing to wait for the world to make my decisions for me, and I wasn’t going to begin now simply because it hurt and I was heartbroken.

I faced death at the hands of dragons, risked the wrath of kings by poisoning my own womb, and faced down the most powerful beings in the world for a chance at happiness.

There was every chance this path would still take my life, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to walk it.

They were going to find me, but I would find them too. We would find each other. Whatever came after, we would face it together. Or we would die together and meet in the stars.

Calm eased through my chest at the decision even as the tears still flowed.

With Gleym’s help or not, I would find them.

They were held captive by a monster. Well, I could be a monster too, and I would ruin myself if it meant getting them back.

SnugglingVarícloser, I let my memories of them float through myhead until the tears eventually stopped, and I slipped down into sleep.

“You are different,” Gleym said, observing me.

I brewed one of the recipes from the book she’d given me, but without the book in front of me. She wanted me to memorize it? Then I would. This was a potion of mending. Whether it was a small cut, a chipped rock, torn fabric, or a broken bone.