Page 42 of Exile (Dance with My Demons #4)

Avery

The Ridgeview Valley Rehabilitation Home is worlds apart from Lilydale.

Our bus pulls up at the entrance, no one speaking a word as we stare out the window at our temporary new home. I hate being here already.

I remember I felt the same about Lilydale when I first arrived.

The pristine white building had offered promises of healing, the roses a stark contrast in color as though we were meant to be mesmerized by its beauty.

But inside was my own beginning of Hell.

Except… it did save me. Just in a way no one saw coming.

Instantly, I feel the different vibes. The older beige building may not look as flashy, and the only floral additions appear to be neatly trimmed hedges along the front of the property, but the sickening feeling of dread comes from inside me.

A middle aged woman floats out the white front door, skipping down the steps in dark blue jeans and a white button-up blouse. When she reaches the doorway of the bus, the driver opens it, allowing her to step inside .

"Good morning, ladies," she says warmly with a bright smile. "I'm Dell, the manager of Ridgeview Valley Home. We're excited to have you here."

Despite her welcoming demeanor, which is a nice change from Whittingham, no one seems to share her sentiments. Why would we? Lilydale was the place we went to die—in every way possible. Now, we're left reeling, trying to adjust to new changes with no resolution in sight.

Who knows what will happen next? Maybe we'll be here forever, never to see our male friends and partners again.

I refuse to live in a world without Theo, Damon, and Grey.

All I can think about is where they are now.

Maybe they are nearby, about to enter a new facility while our fates hang in limbo with someone else's decisions.

"Follow me, please," Dell says softly, jumping off the last step to the ground as people finally start descending from the bus.

I spare a quick glance toward Jillian, giving her a small sad smile as we join the line to exit.

The breeze is crisp and fresh once I step onto the gravel, finding myself in the center of the group as we huddle subconsciously together.

When everyone is off the bus, Dell climbs the steps of the building so everyone can see her.

"I understand it must be incredibly overwhelming being here," she starts.

"Especially after what you have been through.

But please be rest assured we are here to help.

We're a family at Ridgeview and here to take you under our wing.

I know many of you are hoping for answers," she pauses, scanning our group.

"And as soon as we have information, we will update you.

In the meantime, our rehabilitation team is eager to meet you and help you get settled in. "

We head inside slowly when she gestures for us to follow, a few people whispering among themselves. I stick close to Jillian, hoping the familiarity will keep my sanity in check.

Everything hurts. My heart, my body… but nothing more than my soul. It's as if it's missing three parts, no longer whole. But I promised them I'd be strong, promised that I'd get through this and see them again.

For a brief moment as I take in the high ceilings and warm brown tones of the foyer, I can't help but worry that maybe they will forget about me. What if they get out and I don't? What if they meet someone new and I become a fading memory—a ghost that reminds them of their worst nightmares?

Unlike the day I arrived at Lilydale, there's a dozen staff members waiting inside. They are all dressed casually like Dell, ranging in age with the same carefree smiles. Not a single expensive suit among them.

Dell grins at them, quickly whispering to a young man at the end of the line and taking a blue folder from his hands. She turns to us, flicking it open.

"We're a co-gender facility as well and encourage mingling.

You'll be paired up with a bunkmate. We understand that you likely have relationships with one another so we'll give you a few minutes to chat among yourselves and pair up if you'd like to be with anyone in particular.

Once you have someone, come forward and we'll assign you a room.

Each counselor here will take two pairs under their guidance and get you set up. "

My eyes scan the line of staff, before catching Jillian's eye. She understands my silent question, giving a small nod.

"I can see you all have uniforms from Lilydale.

Now, you are welcome to stay in them if you wish, however we believe in a more casual approach.

If you would like a change of clothes, your assigned counselor will escort you to our Willowbrook Closet where you'll be able to pick out some new clothing which will be dropped to your room.

We're very lucky to receive donations from the community and have quite a range.

Hopefully everyone will find some pieces they enjoy. "

I finger the bottom of my shorts, knowing immediately that I want to get these off my body.

I don't even remember what my style was before I went to Lilydale, or if I even had one.

But at this stage, I'd be happy wearing a trash bag if it meant getting rid of the gray, flimsy cotton.

Judging by the expressions of the other patients, they agree.

Dell gives us a tight smile, sensing the tense atmosphere.

"We have a camp-style buffet set up in our dining hall for you.

Your counselor will let you know the times the dining hall is open and where you can obtain snacks from, but you're welcome to explore once you are settled in.

We have recreational rooms, daily activities and optional hobby classes for you to enjoy.

The only requirements are that you are to return to your rooms by 8 p.m. each night.

The doors do lock after that to ensure the safety and wellbeing of all, but if you need anything, each room is fitted with a speaker and we have staff available around the clock.

Now, take a moment to pair up then step forward. "

A few people start to visibly relax, smiling with each other. But I quickly realize that they are the lucky ones. As I scan, I can't help but notice that the ones who lived the pain of Lilydale, like myself, Vivian, Eliana and Siobhan, we don't smile. We don't look excited.

Everything sounds like a dream. Even if you were to take Lilydale out of the equation, this is the type of place we should have been all along. Not prisoners, treated as less than because of our backgrounds. But even dreams can be disappointing.

As much as I hate to admit it, I'm still in Lilydale. Physically, I'm not. But every other single thing about me is. It's almost like a location version of Stockholm Syndrome.

I can't decide if I'm broken or just messed up.

Jillian and I step forward together, one of the counselors noticing and meeting us halfway. The woman looks to be in her late-twenties, all smiles like her colleagues in a tie-dye rainbow shirt and white cotton shorts .

"Hiya! I'm Marissa, but you can call me Ris. Are you guys bunking together?"

"Yeah," I answer at the same time as Jillian.

"Fab! Full jinxing mode—I like it. Follow me and I'll get you checked in," Ris announces, heading to the reception desk and being handed two swipe keys from the older gentlemen behind it. He beams at us, blue eyes twinkling and for a second, he reminds me a little of Dr. Markel.

Ris holds out the keys toward us. "One each because even though sharing is caring, everyone deserves their own."

Sharing is caring, indeed. But this isn't what I want.

We're taken down an open corridor at the other side of the room, my eyes finding portraits and photographs of laughing patients, families and painted artwork of seemingly important people. Well, at least I assume given they have gold engraved plaques beneath them.

"So, Ridgeview Home is very open plan like Dell mentioned," Ris says, acting as tour guide. "All the rooms are scattered through the facility rather than centralized in one area. You'll notice on your keys that there's a letter in the top right corner."

Glancing down, I see the uppercase C, nodding to confirm I'm following along with her spiel.

"A Block starts over to the left, and it goes in order," she pauses, glancing at my card.

"You lucky ducks! C is the middle block which is where we are now.

But these rooms," she points to the open doors as we pass, our eyes spotting people inside.

"Are some of our rec rooms. That's arts and crafts, this one is music, and over there is sewing. "

"You let people handle needles," I ask, confused.

Ris blinks at me from over her shoulder. "Well, of course!" she answers bubbly. "As long as they pass the counselor check and get a tick of approval and we know they will be safe, patients are free to do what they like. We're here to help heal, not hinder."

Jillian grumbles under her breath. "This is… weird."

I nod, watching Marissa's reaction but she just laughs coolly. "Totes understand why you feel that way. We heard that Lilydale was a little strict."

"Strict doesn't quite cover it…" I say. "So, we have mandatory checks and sessions?"

Opening an unlocked door for us, she points with her thumb to motion us through. "Sessions, yes. But they aren't completely mandatory. Some days, you just don't feel up to chatting and we understand that. But we find most patients are happy to take advantage of our mental health program."

"Are the patients here involuntarily?" Jillian asks.

We enter a large airy corridor, immediately blinded by sunlight. Squinting, I realize it's from the large windows overlooking a courtyard, people wandering around enjoying the warm weather.

"We get patients from time to time who are on a mandated holding period. But before they finish, we offer them a place to stay voluntarily. Most do. "

"I can see why," I mutter, shaking my head in disbelief. A young woman in the courtyard who could be our age is licking an ice cream, laughing with two guys. It's hard to grasp that they are patients at first, dressed in summer clothing and sprawled out on a picnic blanket.

What the fuck even is this place?

On the other side of the courtyard, we trek down another corridor with closed doors, and as I take note of the numbers and compare it with the key card in my hand, I realize we've arrived at some of the bedrooms.

"So, what number was it again?" Ris asks.

"317," Jillian answers for us.

"Perfect! Here we are," Ris announces, stopping in front of the door. "Who wants to do the honors?"

"You can do it," I tell Jillian.

She nods, swiping the card. "No code?"

Ris laughs. "No code. Just a single swipe."

The light flashes green and Ris pushes it open while standing back, letting us explore first. My mouth nearly lands on the light blue floor when I focus on what I'm seeing.

Two beds are on either side of the room, a window in the middle. The lack of bars is astonishing, and from here, we can see mountains.

At the end of each bed, there's a set of drawers for clothing, and an adjoining bathroom.

"We have communal showers which are open from 6.

00 a.m. until 7.30 p.m. each day, but there's a sink and toilet in all the rooms. Though if you need a shower outside of those hours, just buzz us," Ris murmurs, hovering behind Jillian and I as we look around the spacious room.

It's at least twice the size of our Lilydale cells.

"And what time do the doors open?" Jillian questions, and I bite back a smile knowing that she'll be able to let us out somehow if we need.

"5.30 a.m. We have some early morning programs for those early birds. But you're welcome to stay in your room for however long. The dining hall times are posted on the wall under the window along with the speaker."

I spot the intercom, and I'm genuinely lost for words.

"You guys are probably hungry now after a big morning. So, follow me and I'll show you the dining hall! And if we hurry, there might be some fluffy pancakes left."