Page 31 of Exes That Puck (The Honey Badger Puckers #4)

I canceled on Josh at the last minute. Even gave him Lola’s address to pick me up, then backed out when I saw his car pull into the parking lot.

Lola peers out her apartment window, watching Josh sit in his car.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” she says gently.

I peek out the window and sulk. “I can’t do this.”

She grabs my shoulders. “You don’t have to. Nobody is saying that you do.”

I nod, remembering Zeke’s words from our fight. “It feels like he gave me an ultimatum. Like if I don’t sleep with Josh, Zeke will be pissed at me.”

Lola rolls her eyes. “He’s not going to be mad, Kare. He’s going to be relieved.”

I shake my head, tears streaming down my face. “I think it’s really over this time, Lola.”

She pulls me into a hug, letting me cry into her shoulder. After a few minutes, I pull back and wipe my face.

“I need to go home. Grab some clothes and probably apologize to Payton.”

“Good idea,” Lola agrees.

I wipe my eyes. “Okay. I’m calling that Uber.”

She watches me and teases, “That’s like your number one app.”

Back at my dorm, Payton’s at her desk with textbooks spread everywhere. She looks up when I walk in.

“What are you doing here?” she mumbles.

I cut straight to chase because getting the cold shoulder pains me. “Payton, I keep fucking up. Please be patient with me.”

She rolls her eyes and huffs. “Can we not do this right now?”

“I need to apologize about yesterday. You were right. I’m being a bitch because of shit with Zeke, and—”

“That’s just it, Kara. I am so tired of hearing about it!”

“I get it!” I shout. “I fucking get it! I see now that I have a big problem. I’m not being a good person, not a good friend, not a good girlfriend, and I want to change, but I’m stuck in this sick cycle, and I don’t know how to get out of it.”

Payton shakes her head, clearly at the end of her patience.

I walk to my bed and sit, defeated. I murmur, “I haven’t shared this with anyone, and I’m going to share it with you.”

Something in my voice makes her look up with concern. “What is it?”

My mind drifts to memories I usually keep buried. “Do you love your mom?”

She nods. “Of course.”

“This doesn’t excuse my actions. I’m just fucked up over it. I don’t share this with anyone because it’s hard.”

“You don’t have to tell me—”

“Zeke doesn’t even know, okay?” I add.

That makes her quiet. She waits patiently as I inhale, trying to find the courage. She finally doesn’t have a look of disgust and annoyance when she looks at me.

“My mom is...” The words stick in my throat. Even thinking about the moment I found out makes me feel lost and attacked, like everything’s a lie. “My mom is…” I wipe the snot rolling out of my nose. “She’s not my real mom.”

A tear slides down my face.

“I lived my entire life thinking she was, but it turns out she’s my aunt. My real mom’s sister.”

“Your aunt?”

I nod. “And it just... fucked me up. I went from guy to guy in high school. Fucked over all my friends. I thought college would be different, and it was, but then I found Zeke. That’s when my mom—my aunt, whatever—told me how much I reminded her of my real mom.

Reckless and in love. That’s when shit started going downhill with Zeke.

I started spiraling, and I…” Fucked everything up that was good in my life.

Payton’s eyes widen, but she stays quiet.

I wipe my tears and snot. “I was the one starting a lot of the fights. Don’t get me wrong, Zeke has his shit, for sure, but I went off the rails.

Everything he said, I thought he was picking me apart.

I didn’t feel good enough. I thought he was lying to me all the time.

I was so insecure, and I didn’t tell him why.

It was too much, and I don’t know if it’s been Zeke at all or if it’s just been me spinning things around, trying to prove my mom––aunt––wrong. ”

“Where’s your mom now? Your real mom?”

I suck in a breath. “She died when I was six months old.”

Payton gasps. “How?”

“Drinking and driving. Car accident.”

“And your dad?”

I shrug. “I don’t know who he is.”

“Holy shit, Kare.”

“Yeah, so I’m sorry. I tend to do this with people I love. I just push everyone away. I start stupid fights. But I don’t want you to be mad at me. You’re like the one best friend that I have, and I want that it to remain that way. I love you as a best friend, Payton. I’m so sorry.”

She stands and opens her arms. We hug as I cry on her shoulder, finally letting out years of buried pain and confusion.

It’s exactly what I needed. She sees me now—how broken I am—and understands.

We stay like that for several minutes until I finally stop crying and pull back.

“You should tell Zeke,” she says softly.

“What? No.”

She nods. “I think you need to.”

I wipe my face with my sleeve. “He thinks I’m with Josh right now, so he probably wants nothing to do with me.”

She reaches over and wipes the remaining tears from my cheeks. “Call an Uber, Uber girl, and go to his house.”

“What?”

“I understand you so much more now. Maybe he will too. Plus, you love him, right? Go to his house and tell him.”

I offer a slight smile. “I think you’re right.”

I grab a change of clothes and throw them in my bag while Payton watches. The tension between us has completely dissolved, replaced by the kind of understanding that only comes from real vulnerability.

“Thank you,” I say. “For listening. For not judging me.”

“That’s what best friends do,” she says simply.

I pull out my phone and call an Uber. While we wait for the car, Payton and I sit on her bed talking quietly about lighter things—classes, weekend plans, anything that isn’t heavy or complicated.

When my phone buzzes with the notification that my ride has arrived, I take a deep breath.

“What if he doesn’t want to see me?”

“I doubt that,” Payton says. “I think he’ll want to see you. Even if you guys don’t get back together, you both need closure.”

I nod, grabbing my bag. “Wish me luck.”

“You don’t need luck. You just need to be honest.”

As I head toward the door, I feel lighter than I have in weeks. Not because everything’s fixed, but because for the first time in my life, I’m ready to stop running from the truth.