Page 8 of Everything In Between

SIX

jersey

“Oh, what a day,” I announce as soon as Roman’s gone, letting my forehead fall into the fluffy pillow on my lap.

“So . . .?” Her mischievous tone of voice has me peeking at her through my eye lashes only to see her Cheshire Cat grin.

“So, what?”

“Why haven’t you texted Hayes?” she asks. When I stare at her with wide eyes she laughs. “Did you really think I’d let it go as easy as Roman did?”

I cover my face with my hands and groan. “No, but I was hoping you would.”

She chuckles and scoots closer to me, her blue eyes sparking playfully. “Well? Do you think you’re going to?”

“I don’t know. Probably not.”

She turns thoughtful for a moment and then blurts, “I think you should.”

Her response startles me and I raise an eyebrow. “Why?”

She reaches for my hand. “Jersey, you have worked your ass off these last few months, and I can see the toll it’s taking on you.”

“I’m fine,” I assure her.

“That may be true, but are you happy?”

Her question pierces me like a knife, and I swallow thickly, hoping my voice comes out level when I answer her. “I am happy. I love my life. Tons of young aspiring artists would kill for this life.”

She gives me a careful smile which tells me she absolutely does not believe me. To be honest, I sometimes don’t know if I even believe myself. “Do you think that what happened with Corey is still holding you back?”

“Corey?” My ex-boyfriend and I broke up six months ago, so I wouldn’t think he’d have any effect on my life anymore.

“Yes, Corey. I know you had a lot of plans for what you wanted your life to look like with him. Which made it hurt so much more when he told you he didn’t want any of that with you, right?

I can understand why it might be hard to move on, both professionally and otherwise.

Why it might be hard to find joy in something you both shared after being betrayed. ”

“When did you get a degree in relationship psychology?” I tease her. When she doesn’t laugh at my weak joke, my eyes fall to my lap. I pick at my thumbnail, doing my best not to clam up at the mention of my ex. “No . . . maybe. I don’t know. It’s hard for me to think about still.”

The only time I can think about it is when the words force their way out of me in the form of a tortured cadence of lyrics. I jot them down safely in my notebook, giving them the space to exist without having to deal with the fallout.

“What if, in reaction to that, you went the complete opposite way? I’m worried that after Corey shut you out, you’ve been too quick to accept what your life is supposed to look like instead of chasing your dreams.”

I turn to her and wait for her to continue with her explanation.

“Ever since your breakup with Corey, you’ve kept your head down and done what is expected of you, putting your entire heart and soul into your work.

But what if it’s time to put all of that energy back into yourself?

I’m worried if you keep going forward like this, Cal is going to crush you—more than he already has.

Three years is a long time that you’re stuck with him and the label, and I’d hate to see you miserable that entire time. ”

“You think me texting Hayes will fix all of that?” I ask her, going back to the topic that brought all this to fruition. Texting Hayes couldn’t have such an effect, nor should it.

“No, but I think it might be something fun, give you something to look forward to outside of work, outside of the label. Maybe it’s time to move past whatever’s been keeping you back. You shouldn’t have to settle.”

Panic floods me. “You think I’m settling?”

“I think that the pressure from Cal and the heartbreak from Corey had you putting up your defenses, and so you did what you had to do to survive and get through that. And Cal has a track record of beating you when you’re already down,” Bethany says.

“But all men are not like Corey or Cal. They’re not all going to look at your relationship like a competition or see you as a stepping stone.

Somewhere there’s someone out there who will see you for you and convince you that you never have to settle for anything in your life.

That you can achieve any greatness you set your mind to. ”

“So you think texting Hayes Vogt is a good idea and I should put myself out there?”

She shrugs. “What have you got to lose?” I level her with a quiet look that says a lot. Her blue eyes sparkle, challenging me right back. “Okay, well, why don’t we make a pros and cons list? You love those.”

She has me there; I do love those. I adjust myself on the couch and reach for my notebook, opening it to an empty page and grabbing a pen. “Fine. Con: I may get hurt again.”

“Pro,” Bethany redirects, pointing at me, “he might make you happier than you’ve been in a long time.”

I scribble down her note. “Con: he’s an athlete, and I don’t do sports.”

“Pro: he’s not in the music industry, so you don’t have to worry about any conflict of interest.”

Tapping my lips with the pen, I say, “That’s actually a good one.”

“See?” Beth rolls her shoulders back triumphantly.

“Being in the same industry was a major point of contention for me and Corey,” I mutter while I write it down in the pro column. “I’ve never dated someone outside of the music scene. I have no idea what that would be like or where to even start.”

“Probably with a text message.” Bethany nudges me again.

I shake my head. “There’s not enough to sway me either way.”

“Oh, come on, Jersey. Are we really going to nickel and dime this? I say shoot him a text, say ‘hey,’ and see where it goes. Like I said earlier, what have you got to lose?” I roll my lips between my lips and she sighs. “At the very least, what harm could come from it?”

I think about it. “I guess not much. But what about time commitment? Cal still has me on that tight schedule. I don’t know if I even have the time to be talking to someone else.”

“You don’t have time to text him? It takes approximately two seconds to send a text message.”

“You know what I mean. What if it turns into something more?”

She shrugs. “What if it does? That’s down the road. All we’re talking about here is opening that line of communication.”

I bite my lip, knowing full well that she’s choosing to ignore the obvious. A singular text could turn into a much more time-consuming relationship. That could divert my focus and make things so much more difficult with Callum. “I’m not sure if that’s the right thing for me to be doing right now.”

“I disagree, but continue.” She points at the list. “Pro: Roman likes football, so he can help you understand the rules and such. Pro: he says Hayes is generally not involved in drama—don’t lie, I know that is appealing to you.”

I roll my eyes. “It is.”

“Pro: he may help you stop beating yourself up over what happened with Corey. Help you move on and find joy in your life again.”

“I have moved on,” I protest. “And I have joy.”

“Sure, in most ways. But I know you, Jersey. I know there are times when you catch yourself falling into the what ifs. And I can see how down you get after receiving a verbal beating from Cal. You may be stuck in this contract for the next three years, but that doesn’t mean that you have to suffer through those years too. ”

“You know me too well,” I tell my friend.

“Or maybe I just know you well enough. At least I hope I would after eight years of working with you. And holding the position as your best friend for much longer than that.” She winks at me and then glances down at the watch on her wrist. “I should probably get going, though. I’ve got a few errands to run before heading home. ”

We both hop off the couch and she grabs her items. I walk with her to the door and wrap my arms around myself while she finds her keys in her bag.

“I really don’t know what I’d do without you, Beth,” I say softly.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, either. I love being a part of your crazy life. Think about the Hayes thing, okay? There are more pros than cons—the list doesn’t lie.”

I nod. “I will think about it.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” I fight off a smile when she hugs me tightly.

“Okay, well keep me posted.” She pulls away and holds me at arm’s length. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I see her out, closing the door behind her and leaning my head back against the paneling.

As soon as the apartment is empty, I run myself a hot bath to decompress from the day and mull over everything we talked about, returning to the topic of texting Hayes Vogt over and over again.

Even when I try to focus on something else, anything else, my thoughts circle back to the damn pros and cons list sitting on my coffee table.

Getting out of the tub, I towel myself off and pad back out to the living room, finding the list and studying it begrudgingly.

After mulling it all over, I realize Bethany was right. The pros do significantly outnumber the cons. Or at the very least, they’re a little louder and more prominent in my mind as I consider everything. I managed to add two more cons to the list, but even I can recognize they’re weak excuses.

Taking the leap, I type out a message to the phone number he scrawled over the extra Post-it note and hit send before I can erase it.

Jersey

Hey. It’s Jersey.