Page 81 of Every Day of My Life

He smiled, then his smile faded. “Forgive me.”

“For what?”

He took a deep breath. “I’ve obviously failed.”

She shrugged lightly, though she hoped he didn’t suspect her of belittling his effort. “I have no memory of it, if you’ll have the truth. Will you tell me of it?”

He rubbed his hands over his face. “There isn’t anything to tell. I arrived as we were fleeing into these woods, scarce managed tokeep my current self from plowing into you and my former self as I did so, then I hid myself in a normal fashion and waited for events to unfold.” He paused. “I didn’t realize how many men there were.”

“I’m surprised I was so interesting to them,” she said lightly.

He lifted his eyebrows briefly. “I’m not, but that doesn’t change the fact that I failed.”

“Nay, my love, you retreated to rethink your plan,” she corrected. “There is no shame in that.”

“But you still went—”

“I know.”

He bowed his head for several minutes in silence, then looked at her. “Can you forget it?” he asked, looking thoroughly devastated.

“Oliver, I did long ago. It was brief.”

“I’m not sure I can bear to hear the details,” he said very quietly.

“I wouldn’t give them to you even if you asked,” she said. “Not those, at least.” She thought about that for a moment or two, then looked at him. “Is there anything else I could tell you about the night that might satisfy your curiosity, at least?”

He looked at her in surprise. “Do you remember anything about that evening?”

“I don’t remember how many there were, or who was there save Tasgall and Kenneth, shrieking themselves hoarse as they dragged me away half senseless.”

“Did you hear anything else? Anything unusual?”

“Besides the sound of you clunking your head against the threshold?”

He winced. “Please don’t remind me. I’m still suffering from that particular headache.”

She smiled. “I’ll leave that then.” She stretched her memory back to that particular evening that was so fresh for the mansitting across from her, then shook her head. “I was so shocked by watching you fall that I didn’t think to listen. They also pulled me away from the doorway so quickly that I didn’t see you lying inside the croft.”

“Perhaps I wasn’t.”

She nodded. “I suspect that’s true.”

“I didn’t mean to leave you behind,” he said very quietly.

“It wasn’t your fault.” She dredged up a smile. “What else can I tell you?”

He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and looked at her seriously. “I don’t want to be indelicate, but did you… you know.”

“Pay attention to who had stabbed me?” she asked

He winced. “Yes.”

“To be honest, Oliver, I don’t remember much of what happened after I lost you. There was a great deal of pain, but I think most of it came from knowing I wouldn’t have you.” She paused. “Though the dying was—”

“Mairead, don’t,” he said quietly. “You don’t have to talk about it.”

“I’d rather not.” She smiled. “I did shout a handful of those words you mutter under your breath at them as they lit the wood.”