Page 166 of Evermore

52

Paesha

The Underground smelled of damp earth and woodsmoke, of bodies pressed too close together and the metallic tang of magic. It wasn’t unpleasant, exactly, but it filled my lungs with each breath, a reminder of all these people had sacrificed to avoid the gods that still circled them like prey, whether they hid or not. But they had hope here. And camaraderie and each other, and if it brought them peace, then we supported it.

I stood behind Archer, watching the crowd part like water before him. He moved with the confidence of someone born to command a room, though I knew better than anyone how much he doubted himself. How much his fingers ached to jiggle the coins in his pocket to feel like his old self. His golden crown gleamed in the flickering light, a physical weight to match the invisible burden he carried. I wore my own circlet, though it felt like a lie upon my brow.

They’ll learn your secret soon enough, a voice whispered through my mind, cold and cutting.They’ll see the madness in your eyes.

A queen of shadows and lies, another hissed.

I pressed my lips together firmly, terrified that I might respond aloud without realizing it. My fingers curled into tight fists at my sides, nails digging half-moons into my palms until I felt the sting of broken skin. The pain helped, a sharp point of focus to cling to as the voices clawed at my thoughts. I kept my gaze deliberately forward, afraid that if I made eye contact with anyone, they might see the chaos swirling behind my carefully forced expression.

Quill slipped her small hand into mine, her face tilted up with genuine concern. “Are you sad again?” she whispered.

I squeezed her fingers, forcing a smile that felt brittle. “Just thinking, my girl.” I carefully enunciated each word, monitoring my tone to ensure it sounded natural, unaffected.

Lying to the child now?The voice sounded like Sylvie today, mocking and sharp.How queenly.

I nearly responded, my lips parting before I caught myself. I snapped my mouth shut so quickly my teeth clicked together. The voices had changed, their purpose becoming clearer with each passing day. At first, I thought they wanted only to punish Thorne, to make him suffer by watching me descend into madness. But the longer I dealt with them, the more clear everything became. They wanted me to fulfill the prophecy that had haunted me since the beginning. Because it wasn’t only mine, it was theirs too. And they’d all died from fear of it.

Break the balance,Winter had whispered last night as I struggled for sleep.The gods are circling, hungry for your power. They’ve always known what you could do.

They wanted me to shatter everything. They hated all the gods, not just him, for the cycles of death they’d endured. And their solution was simple: use me to break the flow of power before the gods could claim my power for themselves.

They fear you, Sylvie had taunted.As they should. You were always meant to break the balance between them. Why not embrace it? Why not let it all burn?

They isolated me through fear, convincing me to hide my struggles, to pull away from those who might help. And in that isolation, their hold on me only grew stronger, pushing me closer to the edge where I might finally snap and unleash the destruction they craved.

Quill’s brow furrowed, unconvinced by my forced smile. I forgot how well she knew me, how easily she read the emotions I tried to hide. “You don’t have to be here. We could go back.”

“I’m fine.” I straightened my shoulders and lifted my chin, adopting the posture I’d seen Thorne use countless times, regal, controlled, unassailable. “Besides, we can’t leave Archer to face this alone.”

She considered this, then nodded. “He does need us.”

Despite everything, I felt a smile tug at my lips. “Don’t let him hear you say that.”

Ahead of us, Archer had reached the makeshift platform at the center of the cavern and he looked back at me with that charming smile before the crowd quieted. I could feel hundreds of eyes tracking my movement as I joined him, Quill still clinging to my hand. The weight of their expectation pressed down like stones on my chest.

They know, Winter whispered.They can see the monster you really are.

I swallowed hard, keeping my expression neutral through sheer force of will. I measured each breath, afraid that if I breathed too deeply or too quickly, someone might notice, might whisper to their neighbor about the queen’s strange behavior. Gods, I was tired. So fucking tired of fighting every waking moment, of constantly monitoring every facial expression, every gesture, every word.

“Friends,” Archer began, his voice carrying through the cavern with surprising authority. “Thank you for welcoming us into your sanctuary.”

A murmur ran through the crowd. I spotted Thea near the front, her copper hair gleaming as she nodded. Beside her stood the baker, flour still dusting his forearms. I recognized others too.

In the days leading up to our wedding, we’d made sure to be seen. To hold hands and smile back and forth, while trash talking to each other under our breaths for amusement. Archer made life easy. As comfortable as anyone should have been. But he had no idea the depth of my darkness. And maybe I should have warned him. But the truth was, I wasn’t sure I knew either. Not truly. And he would have never faltered. He loved me solidly. I could have told him I was growing a second head and he’d have hugged me and offered to find me a hat. That man was pure fucking gold.

I shifted my weight slightly, careful to keep the movement minimal. My fingers fidgeted with the fabric of my dress before I realized what I was doing. Immediately, I stilled them, terrified someone had noticed. These people were looking to me—to us—for strength, for stability. What would they think if they knew their new queen was fighting a losing battle against voices in her head?

“You may or may not know me as Archer Bramwell,” he continued, “though I stand before you now as a king.” He touched his crown with an almost self-deprecating gesture. “I know that means little to those of you from Silbath and Perth. I’m not your king.”

He doesn’t belong here, the voices hissed.Neither do you.

This is your fault, another added.Your madness will drag them all down.

I tasted blood where I’d bitten the inside of my cheek, using the sharp pain to center myself. I fixed my eyes on a point above the crowd’s heads, afraid they’d see the flicker of responses to voices they couldn’t hear if I met anyone’s gaze.