Page 30

C hapter 30

Naya

The dock creaks behind me, sending my heart racing as I whip around. My breath comes a little easier when I spot Grey approaching, a pair of sweatpants draped over his lower body, along with a winter jacket zipped up tight against the cold.

“You will freeze to death if you stay out here.” Grey’s raspy morning voice brings warmth through me as he settles down beside me.

“I don’t really feel anything,” I answer truthfully, staring unseeingly at the lake.

Dressed in just a T-shirt and sleeping shorts, I’m surrounded by the soft cascade of falling snowflakes on the dock.

The large lake before us stretches far, its water glittering under the first fall of snowflakes for the day, landing on the surface as if it’s their safe place. Trees surround the lakes on each side except for this one, where there’s a small wooden dock. The early dawn brings a cold chill in the air—no one was awake when I left the cottage. It’s a serene desolation in front of me, in which nature’s beauty and winter’s harshness collide with each other in a wondrous moment.

It’s been three weeks since we arrived, and daily sessions with Camila have been tremendously helpful. She’s provided me with coping strategies, like focusing on something other than the urge to pick at my skin, doing something else instead. Hiding at Everlee’s place away from civilization has been a much-needed respite for both of us, but I know our peace is only temporary. Impending doom hangs over us like the snow up in the sky. It has no other choice but to fall, soaking the ground with its snowflakes. The news channels have gone quiet, and there’s been no mention of searching for the three refugees who started the fire, especially after Emilio’s mysterious disappearance. Still, I know we can never truly be free in the same country where everything happened. It’s too much of a risk.

My feet dip into the cold water, sending a jolt of ice across my body and causing a shiver to crawl over my spine. Yet, I let the water cascade over my skin, allowing the numbing pain to wash over me. It’s my attempt to stop the relentless urge to pick at my skin, even when I desperately need to.

Grey wraps a blanket around my shoulders—one I didn’t even realize he had with him—before he lifts me up as though I weigh nothing. My legs straddle his waist on each side as my back is turned to the lake. My forehead rests against his as he presses his lips to mine, pouring all his agony, fear, and desperation into the kiss. It’s a kiss full of emotions so overwhelming, it will drown us if we can’t control them.

“I tried not to wake you when I left,” I admit, the wind stinging my face with every gust.

“I woke up when I noticed you weren’t beside me.”

A deep sigh escapes me. “I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like I’m drowning in this lake with no way of ever resurfacing, with no one even noticing I’m gone. I’m fucking drowning, Grey, and not even Camila can save me.”

“Then I will be the lifeline that pulls you up, the wave that pushes you back to the shoreline. I told you, you’re mine, little doll, and you’re not getting rid of me. I will be here even in your darkest moments. Even if you try pushing me away.”

In his eyes, I see a mixture of reassurance and possessiveness, as if he owns and dominates every part of me.

“We don’t know what the future will bring, but I will be here on every step of the journey. We will make it, together, like we always have,” he says.

“Everlee and Draven are willing to help us,” I murmur, trying to steady my thoughts.

“I don’t like him.”

“You don’t like anyone,” I say, smiling faintly at his scowl.

“Except you. Only ever you, little doll,” he says. “Come to think of it, next week is Christmas.”

A deep churning fills me—I haven’t heard that word for years. I stare deep into his sapphire eyes, feeling a twinge of unease in the pit of my soul.

“I haven’t kept track either— Everlee told me. She wanted me to ask if it was okay to bring over two of their trusted friends for dinner.”

The thought fills me with anxiety, but I nod anyway. What’s the worst that can happen?

Before I can dwell on it, Grey lifts me in his arms, carrying me toward a secluded spot by the lake, far away from the cottage. His lips find mine in a slow, gorgeous moment. He pulls away too soon, leaving me shocked and speechless, waiting for his next move. His eyes sparkle with mischief as he gives me a cocky smirk, surveying my body from head to toe, taking in every inch of my half-clothed body.

“Are you going to be a good little doll?” he rasps, causing my cheeks to heat. Nodding, I lick my lips.

His mouth quirks into a lopsided grin before he sets me down, leaving me standing a short distance from the tree. He leans back against the trunk, eyes never leaving mine. I stand there, waiting for his next command, anticipation swirling inside me like wildfire, igniting every nerve.

The cold seeps into my marrow, and it’s obvious I wasn’t thinking clearly when I left the bedroom earlier. I just needed to escape to the outside, to stifle the voices in my head and to drown out the nightmares. Goosebumps skitter across my arms and bare legs, exposed to the cold’s biting touch after I dropped the blanket when Grey lifted me up.

His sapphire blue eyes stare at me with such intensity before he speaks up, the wind gripping his words, amplifying their intensity.

“Come to me on all fours,” he simply says, with a playful grin hinting on his lips.

My eyebrows shoot up in shock, though part of me isn’t surprised. After all, this is Grey—unhinged, wild, always pushing me to the edge, loving the thrill of taking us both to the brink. His eyes meet mine, and something heats in the pit of my stomach as I wait for him, still shocked. When he looks at me like that, I can’t help but feel a pull toward submission.

“Did you not hear me?” He levels me a hard glance, and I quickly shake my head.

“But it’s winter!” I protest, glancing down at the lush grass that hasn’t yet been overtaken by the falling snowflakes. The thought of crawling toward him on all fours, my knees bare and exposed to the cold, damp ground, sends ice through my veins as I gulp.

“Does it look like I care?” he asks, still staring at me with that arrogant smirk of his.

The thrill of his words makes exhilaration rush through me at the same time as I feel hesitant. I want to submit to him and see where this will go. Grey always evokes feelings within me that I cannot ignore.

My panties are soaked as I lower to the ground, hurting my knees in the process as the coldness instantly chills me. I don’t break eye contact with Grey as he adjusts his pants, his hard bulge visible, which only spurs me on. I begin crawling, the frosty grass cutting into my knees and palms. The pain is a welcome reprieve, and I suddenly understand his intentions with this all.

He knows how much I crave pain to feel anything , and he’s using that knowledge in his own way to help me. A flutter of warmth ignites deep within me at the thought.

In less than a minute, I’m kneeling right before him, still captivated by the intensity in his gaze. The heat in his eyes ignites a rush of desire that spreads through me like a wave, pooling in my core.

Grey growls his approval, gripping my chin as he crouches down, still towering over me. A shadow falls from his his imposing frame as the tree behind him adds to his mysterious allure. I struggle to stay still as the frosty grass bites into my skin with a pain that I desperately want to get rid of. I try not to wince, but he catches the discomfort on my face. Lowering himself even more, his face is just inches from mine, his minty breath grazing my lips as he speaks.

“Beg, doll. Beg to stand up.”

I swallow down my pride, my thighs already slick with anticipation as tension builds between us.

“Please, Grey. Can I stand up?” My voice trembles, betraying my desperation.

Looking at me, he smirks with delight. “I will think about it.”

A wave of frustration crashes over me, as does a flicker of rage at his denial. Without waiting for his stupid permission, I stand up, giving him a defiant smirk. I grab hold of his neck, fingers tightening just enough to make him groan, and my hand slides down, gripping the bulge in his sweatpants. I squeeze his hard cock through the fabric, and a delicious moan escapes him.

“Feisty little doll,” he whispers.

I squeeze his length harder, my other hand still wrapped around his throat. With one quick motion, I tug his sweatpants down to his knees, maintaining eye contact as I spit into my palm. I slowly stroke him from the tip down to the base, his head thrown back in pleasure from the building tension radiating between us. My strokes remain teasingly slow until his hips instinctively buck toward my hand, seeking more friction. I flash him a smile, and something seems to switch in his expression—now, he’s the one smirking.

Before I can react, he seizes me by my throat while pushing my back against the tree trunk with enough force to have me stumbling backward.

“You think you could dominate me?” he scoffs. “Think again, little one.”

His fingers find their way beneath my shorts, pushing them and my panties aside before he plunges his digits inside me. A moan slips from my lips, delicious desire shooting through me. I’m fucking soaked.

“Stroke me,” he commands.

My hand finds his hard cock once again, stroking it gently while his fingers push inside me. I’m already on the edge of coming as he keeps hitting that sweet spot. My stomach clenches, even more so by the way he squeezes my throat, choking me. He removes my ability to breathe properly, but it only heightens the intensity.

“I’m near,” I stutter out as my moans fill the nature around us, the leaves rustling in the wind.

He continues to finger-fuck me, faster and harder with each time, bringing me both pain and pleasure. The pain makes me feel alive after having felt dead on the inside for so long. Grey is the only one who makes me feel , even when I don’t want to feel anything.

“Come for me,” he moans as he brings me to the edge.

I collapse against the tree, my body shuddering. My movements become sloppy as I stroke him, overwhelmed by sensations. I come with a cry, tears brimming in my eyes from the sheer emotional force of the moment.

He hastily pulls down his sweatpants, entering me with a thrust that has me screaming out, hoping Everlee and Draven can’t hear us from the house. My back is pushed against the tree as he fucks me gently, ensuring I feel every sensation, even the emotional ones that make me want to break down in his hold.

“My little doll takes me so well. You were fucking made for me,” he moans, kissing me deeply as he’s buried deep inside me.

He brings me pleasure unlike no other. “Grey,” I moan.

“I love the way you moan my name. Every inch of you is mine, as I am yours. Remember that when life feels tough,” he says into my ear, and I shudder at both the cold and the pleasure rippling through me.

His hand finds my clit, circling it with precision, causing another orgasm to build like a crescendo. He bends his knees more, getting into a better angle, and I soak him in. Soon enough, his movements become harder, sloppier, as he kisses me like there’s tomorrow.

“Come with me,” he whispers, and I do—oh, do I fucking do as we together fall over the brink of death.

His muscles tighten and his spine goes rigid as he fills me completely. He looks at me with a dazed expression before pulling me into a deep, consuming kiss.

“I know you feel horrible after everything that has happened. I do too,” he starts, making sure I’m listening to his every word. “It takes a monster to destroy a monster. And you, my love, have ruined me. I fucking love every inch of you. You drive me crazy and push me to become a better man.”

I don’t know how to reply as my insides cave from his wondrous words. “I love you too.”

The snow falls at an increasingly faster rate, now covering the treetops as well as the ground. It’s only now that the adrenaline from the moment catches up with me, and my body trembles from the coldness washing over me. Grey lifts me in his arms, heading toward the cottage as the morning sun grows brighter with the day. The crunch of snow under his shoes fills my ears and forms a harmonious melody I haven’t heard in what feels like years. I take three deep breaths to calm myself—another strategy Camila taught me.

“Don’t go out alone again,” he grumbles in my ear, his voice laced with poignant concern.

“It felt too suffocating to stay inside.”

“At least write a note next time. You had me worried as fuck,” he says, making sure I notice the seriousness in his expression.

A slight wave of guilt fills me, knowing how much he has suffered too. It probably scared the shit out of him when he saw I wasn’t with him. We’ve already lost each other before.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him truthfully, not able to meet his gaze.

We’ve endured horrors I can’t even begin to process, and I don’t know how we will ever be able to recover from it all—not even with therapy—but fuck if I won’t at least fight for us.

Even if it takes everything I have.