Page 4 of Envy
“No,” I practically shout, dread and disgust twisting my gut. I swallow against the narrow-eyed look she levels my way, forcing my voice to steady. “I mean, there’s no need to bother Jonathan with this. I only have a few boxes, and Tempest just got here. She’ll help me. The place is nice, Mother. And close enough to walk to campus.”
My mother narrows her eyes as I wave to the vacant driveway, just out of the phone’s camera shot. I swear she can sense the lie, but she sighs after a moment.
“Fine. But if your father asks, I was with you all morning.” She pauses, her lips tilting into a brief smile, as if she sees someone behind her phone, before focusing back on the screen. “In fact, we went out for an early dinner after moving.”
“Okay,” I say, not questioning it. Whatever it takes to make sure I can get out of that cursed house and start my own life.
“But you will return every night for dinner and prayer.”
“I—I can’t,” I stammer, nearly flinching when she removes her sunglasses and glares. Pressing on before she can punish me, I mutter, “I have evening classes every day.”
Mother narrows her eyes, her lips parting. I have no doubtshe’s about to tell me college was a stupid idea. That I’d be better off getting married and serving my future husband, just like Father wants. Forget about marine biology and conservation. “Global warming isn’t real anyway,” my father’s voice echoes in my head.
“But I’ve already located the nearest church on campus to each of my classes and will go straight there,” I rush on before she can protest. With this being a religious school, there were three main ones to choose from and a few smaller coves scattered throughout the grounds.
Despite what I just promised her, I wouldn’t be attending prayer. God wasn’t there when I needed him most, and the church decided on my damnation for simply being born a woman. But if my parents realize I’m no longer under their control—at least mentally—they’d never let me out of their sight.
“I’ll return on the weekends when I don’t have homework,” I add, not liking the growing silence.
Another lie.I’ve purposely stacked my schedule with eighteen units, nearly double the standard course load, just to make sure I never have to enter that house again.
“Fine,” she relents, clearly distracted by someone. Whoever it is, I hope they have a wonderful day. She pauses, tilting up her nose as she scrutinizes my appearance. Even through the phone, it feels like she’s catching every wrinkle along my cardigan. The thin spike of her eyebrow lifts, as if she’s able to see beyond the frame of the call—judging the tightness of my light blue skirt across my hips or the scuffed pair of white tennis shoes I chose instead of kitten heels.
“I’ll see you Saturday morning.”
“Thank you,” I say, feeling like each lie I’ve told is inked across my skin.
“And Evie?”
“Yes, Mother?” I mutter, wringing my hands.
“Try to look presentable. Your brother will be bringing a friend, and I don’t want to tarnish the family name with your disheveled state.”
The edges of my forced smile crumple as her barb finds purchase between my ribs.Tarnished. Corrupted. Damaged.All things I’ve tried so hard to forget, and yet they still play through my mind on a loop.
The screen darkens before returning to the black-and-white picture of theCerebra odollamblossom on my background. The suicide tree. One kernel from its fruit is potent enough to kill an adult. Despite the risk, I’ve discovered it’s strangely popular in Southern California, especially in San Diego.
Unable to help it, my gaze drifts to the nearby greenery—swaying palm trees, flowered bushes, manicured lawns—but none of the trees I’m looking for. And god, the disappointment blooming in my chest is more telling than I care to admit.
Six months ago, I’d held the toxic seed in my hands. I’d intended to crush it, and then mix it into a tea. The toxin slows a human heartbeat within six hours, meaning I could go to sleep and just… fade.
The day I’d planned on taking it was the day I got my acceptance letter to Grace University. I’d thought it was going to be another form of the prison I was already stuck in, but then my mother suggested I live on campus—and despite Jonathan’s protests, my father didn’t object right away.
Being that I’m a transfer and technically at the sophomore level, I’m lucky I found a room within walking distance. For some strange reason, Mother hasn’t pressed why I’m not in the dormitories. That’s one of the perks of coming from a wealthy family: they didn’t notice when a few thousand dollars went missing to cover tuition for online classes. I’d transferred the units I’d taken on my own with my family none the wiser. It made me wonder what else I could do without them knowing.
Starting today, I’ll be living on my own. Away fromJonathan, from the disapproving looks of my parents, and the endless sermons about how I need to beg for forgiveness for a soul that’s already fractured beyond saving.
A smile tilts the corners of my lips—the first real flicker of happiness I’ve felt in years. Grabbing my phone, I open the car door. I inhale deeply, basking in the invigorating scent of citrus and salt as I step onto the sidewalk. The soles of my shoes heat from the concrete, the rays of the full sun potent enough to have me lifting a hand to shade my eyes as I gaze upon the modest-looking home before me.
For the first time in my life, I believe there could be a future without pain. Maybe I could erase all the corrupted parts of myself, scrub clean the blemishes, expunge the sin and start fresh.
I allow myself to believe in that future—in the lie—as I start unpacking. But in the deep recesses of my mind, in the haunting blackness of my soul, I know that if I succeeded in purging all my demons… there wouldn’t be anything left.
3
SILAS
“No—fuck!” Tony trembles, eyes darting to the ring of masks surrounding him. “I took Ava five years ago. They said I could keep her as long as she met her quota each month.”