Page 18

The adrenaline hadn't subsided for a second, not when I knew things could get so much worse.

"Fuck!" I slammed my fist into the steering wheel the longer I was stuck in my own head. If Blake hadn't been there, I could have died, but what really had my stomach in knots and my heart feeling as if it was being stabbed was the thought that it could have turned out differently. It could have been Blake on the ground, staring up, lifeless.

"Hey, we got out of there," Blake said.

I shook my head and relief was a sweet moment that was instantly tainted with the what-ifs. I couldn't stop imagining Blake dead, and it was fucking with my head.

"No, I shouldn't have brought you."

"What the fuck?" Blake punched my arm, and I swerved slightly, nearly taking out another car next to us. "If I wasn't there you'd be dead."

I shrugged. That was part of the risk I took daily. I openly smiled in the face of death, but I wasn't smiling now.

"Don't be a dick. You were just happy that I was there to save your ass, now you're going to get angry?"

"Yes!" I knew it didn't make sense. I mentally screamed to shut my mouth to stop while I was ahead but my mouth moved anyway. "You were at risk. It was just supposed to be a hand off, nothing more."

"Yeah, so? I went because I wanted to and I'm glad I did." His feet slid off the dashboard and hit the floor. "Are you bipolar or something? You know as well as I do that you wouldn't have walked out of there without me.”

Fuck, he wasn't seeing it. He wasn't understanding the issue. "That doesn't matter."

"Like fuck it doesn't," Blake shouted. "Why are you on a goddamn mission to die?"

"I'm not."

"You sure about that? You're over here telling me I shouldn't have come, knowing you'd be dead if I didn't. Seriously, am I supposed to pretend I don’t see how depressed you are every day?”

I shivered. He wasn't wrong and I knew that. I made a hard right turn, heading further into the city. I checked all the mirrors, making sure no one was following us. This uneasy feeling wouldn't leave me, and the longer I drove, the more I recognized it for what it was.

I was scared.

"Quincy."

"Shut up!" My grip tightened on the wheel, the cuts over my knuckles and fingers sprouting fresh blood. "You don't understand shit. You think because you're playing fucking family with your newfound ‘brothers’, all of a sudden you know how this life works?" Bile burned the back of my throat.

No, no, no.

I needed to take it back. I needed to explain to him what the fuck was going on in my head. "You don't know shit."

The silence that followed was deafening. A part of me wanted him to lash out, to shout back at me. To curse me out like usual. Fuck, I'd settle for a few punches; something was better than nothing. Somehow, the silence was ten times worse than any bruise or bullet wound. I peeked over at Blake. His body was ramrod straight as if he was holding himself back. A muscle in his jaw ticked as he ground his teeth.

Say something.

My stomach twisted in knots. I opened my mouth to say any of the thoughts swirling through my head, but instead, I shut my mouth. I forced my gaze forward as we pulled up to a red light. The moment the car came to a full stop, Blake moved. I expected him to get out of the car, instead, his fist crashed into my face. Pain blossomed over my cheek.

"Fuck you. Go die for all I give a fuck." Blake opened the door.

I should let him go. He was in more danger around me, but my chest throbbed in an ache that overshadowed any of the bruises and cuts on my body. It felt internal, like no amount of medicine or bandages could fix it.

And yet my instincts screamed at me not to let him walk away. I grabbed the back of his collar and yanked him inside. His back hit the stick shift. He twisted around and swung at me again. There was no room in the car to dodge. I took the brunt of the hit.

"Let me go," Blake growled.

The throb in my chest intensified at the thought. There was something wrong with me. Maybe I was stabbed or my old wound was acting up. It happened from time to time.

Blake thrashed against my hold, slipping free for all of five seconds. His foot hit my chest as he scrambled for the door again. I grabbed his ankle and snatched him toward me. His fists slammed into me and I ignored every single one of them until I had him on my lap, pressed against the horn. The blaring noise wasn't strong enough to penetrate the sound of my blood rushing.

I collected both of his wrists in my hand and slammed my head forward. His shout of pain echoed through me.

"Let me go." Blood lined the cracks in Blake's mouth, there was a split on his lower lip that was slowly dripping blood.

"No."

Blaring horns sounded off around us and a few curses were aimed our way as people went around the car. I still focused on Blake. He wouldn't even look at me. His eyes were glossy and he continued to try and break free of my hold.

"Baby girl?—"

A glob of spit and blood hit my cheek as Blake glared down at me. At least he was looking at me again. "Fuck you, don't call me that. You don't want me here anyway."

That wasn't true. I shook my head. "That's not what I meant."

He grinned at me. It was cruel, and I wasn't sure I'd ever seen him look at anyone like that. "Fuck you. I thought you gave a damn about my stuff. I told you what it meant to be close to them in confidence and you throw it back in my face? I dont give a fuck what you meant. Let me go. Now.”

Vibrations started on my lap, and I glanced down. I switched Blake's wrists to one hand, not willing to let him go. Benito's name was on the screen of his phone.

"Shit." Now wasn't the time for this, we couldn't stay sitting in one spot. "We're going to talk about this later."

Blake laughed. It was void of the airiness that it usually held. "We aren't doing shit together."

I had to fight the recoil at his words. At some point, Blake had become a constant around me; there wasn't much we didn't do together. It was strange to think I'd go back to what I knew.

"Don't try and leave," I warned as I let him climb off my lap.

He wouldn't be Blake Vitale if he didn't try and escape. His hand wrapped around the handle as I started to drive again. I didn't put it past him to jump out of a moving car. I intertwined our fingers and held onto him like my life depended on it. Blake tried to pull free, and when that didn't work, he dug his nails into the cuts on my knuckles. I welcomed the pain. I probably deserved that and more, but I wasn't letting him go.

Blake pulled out his phone the further we got into the city.

"Answer it," I said. We couldn’t avoid his brothers. They’d get to the end of whatever went wrong down there. I needed to contact Daiki and see what the hell that was. My stomach dropped, I needed to get Blake somewhere secure before then.

"You don't get to tell me what to do."

Fuck, it was like starting all over with him. I glanced at him as I kept driving. "Doll, we?—"

"Suck my dick, asshole."

I grinned. "If it would make you feel better, I'll gladly do it until I get lockjaw."

"I'm never touching you again."

The pain was back and flaring in the middle of my chest with a vengeance. I smiled through it, not willing to acknowledge it even for a moment.

"Blake—"

"Where are you? Are you okay?" Benito's voice cut through any thoughts that were threatening to spill out. I snapped my mouth shut as Blake avoided my gaze.

"Yeah, we made it out. Thanks to me."

"Gin told me you're a fire bug. If I didn't know you were my brother before, you certainly are now." Benito let out a relieved sigh. "Where are you?"

Blake simply grunted at Benito’s words. Seemingly unphased at his praise. "Being held against my will."

"What?"

Blake tried to pull free again and I tightened my fingers around his. I didn't give a fuck if I broke them, I wasn't letting him go. "He's with me," I chimed in.

"And that is where, exactly?" Benito grunted. “Harlow, sit down so I can talk.”

"Are you injured?" Harlow interjected.

"No,” I lied. My rib cage burned, but it was probably nothing more than bruising.

"What happened?" Benito asked

I shook my head at Blake and he surprisingly shut his mouth. A part of me expected him to disregard any instructions that came out of my mouth at this point. "We're headed your way now and we can talk then."

"Okay, do I need to call Melony?"

I did a cursory glance at Blake. There was no way I could afford her right now, but for him, I'd make it happen.

Blake turned and met my gaze briefly. I gestured at the phone and he huffed in annoyance. He hit the mute button. "What the fuck do you want now?"

"Are you hurt anywhere?"

"No, not that you care."

The bitterness in his tone sliced up and down my spine. I tried to shrug it off, but the feeling wouldn't let up. I pulled over and slammed on the brakes in a random parking garage. No one was following us. I'd checked every turn, and I was certain they were probably dealing with the fire Blake left behind.

I grabbed his phone and unmuted it. "No, we're both good, a few scratches, nothing more. We will be there in thirty." We were only a few minutes from his place but I needed to talk with Blake. It couldn't wait.

The moment Benito confirmed and hung up, Blake punched me again and slipped free of my grasp. He was out of the car and walking away from me before the pain even registered.

"Goddamn Vitales." I was out of the car and sprinting after him without a thought. "Where are you going?"

"Back home."

A bubble formed in my stomach, threatening to burst. I shouldn't be happy to hear him say he wanted to go home.

"I shouldn't have ever come to New York. This whole thing was a mistake. I'm taking the first bus back to California."

Wait, what?

I got a hold of Blake, not at all shocked when he tried to hit me again. I dodged one fist only for another to come at me. Blake's knuckles slammed into my nose and my head snapped back as pain flared over my face. I dropped his wrist and instead grabbed him by the throat. I slammed him against the nearest car, not giving a damn if the alarm went off or not.

"Try that shit again and I will break every single bone in your fucking hand."

Blake glared at me. There was something in his eyes I'd seen pointed my way plenty of times by other people. Coming from him, it felt wrong.

Hatred.

"You're not going anywhere." I said.

"I'd rather face jail time then spend another second with you."

Jail time? It didn't escape me that we still had no clue why Blake had come to New York in the first place. I'd assumed Benito would find out sooner or later. Or Blake would tell me when he was ready.

"What did you do?"

"It's none of your goddamn business." Blake went to kick me, and I tightened my hand around his throat.

You are my business.

I grunted at the kick to the balls curling in on myself. I swung and punched Blake in the stomach before he could take a step away from me. He fell to his knees sucking in gasps of air.

"Fucker."

Pain seared through me as I grabbed the back of his collar and dragged his ass back toward the car kicking and shouting.

"Let me go."

I stopped outside my car and opened the passenger door. "Get in or I'll make you."

We'd done more damage to each other than the Russians had. Blake scrambled up and met my gaze, not blinking as he stood his ground. "Go ahead. I've already killed today, why not add you to it?"

I glanced down at his hands, they were still covered in blood and I had the craziest urge to grab them and wipe them clean. Or at least cover them with my own blood.

"Yeah, you want to stab me? Then do it." I stepped closer until our noses were a breath apart. I almost anticipated the cold steel sinking into my flesh. It would be better than whatever the fuck I was feeling right now. “I’ll still drag your ass back into the car. Bleeding out and all.”

The moment stretched on as we stared at each other.

"Is this what Benito has you doing? Hanging out with riffraff?" Cesare's thick Italian accent cut through the tension like a serrated knife.

My back stiffened. I'd let my guard down thinking for a second we were safe. I turned to face Cesare Vitale.

"You look a mess. The ones who did this to you better be in a worse state," Cesare pointedly said to Blake.

I stepped in front of Blake, blocking him. Four of Cesare's men stepped forward with guns in their hands.

Cesare sauntered over toward us; each step was meaningful as he got closer. My stomach twisted in knots, but I didn't dare look away. He didn't stop until he was an arm’s length away.

"I saw you put your hands on my blood," was the only warning I received from him. He nodded and his men moved toward us.

There was no use in denying anything, but if he thought I was going to abandon Blake because of his threats, he was sorely mistaken.

"How did you know we were here?"

Cesare didn't bother looking my way as he pulled out a cigar. "Blake, either you put him in the ground or I will."

"He's not worth the time," Blake said, cutting into me deeper than any blade ever had.

Cesare's laughter was heavy and rough as if he didn't do it often. "L'ingenuità vi farà uccidere." He switched to English all too quickly. "Come here."

I raised my hand, stopping Blake. "We have somewhere to be."

"You going to stay here with this mezza razza inutile?" He pushed up his sleeve slightly to check his watch as if he had a million other places to be.

I'd been called worse, but it still stung as Blake moved around me.

"Blake." A gun was pressed against my temple for the second time today. It was starting to become a norm at this point. I didn't turn to look at any of the men aiming at me. I was solely focused on Blake.

"Uccidetelo. Voglio che sia fatto nel modo giusto," Cesare ordered.

"What did you just say?" Blake looked around, his brows furrowing.

Cesare sighed. "Nothing to worry about. I thought I told you to work on your Italian." He cut the tip of his cigar before lighting it.

"I haven't had time." For a short second, his gaze met mine. He looked away too quickly for my liking. "Don't kill him."

Cesare's brows nearly kissed his hairline. "Thought he wasn't worth it?" Cesare watched his son too intently.

I swallowed back my warning. If Blake let any weakness show in front of that monster, he'd take advantage of it in a heartbeat.

"He's not, but we don't need heat from the yakuza."

Cesare blew out a cloud of smoke and waved off Blake's concern. "They don't need him. His life is worth little. "

"Blake, let's go," I said, holding back the turmoil of emotions that wanted to override me. Cesare's words were nothing more than stones that hit me on a daily basis, but Blake standing by his side hurt more than anything.

"Still, I don't want to hear Benito's husband's mouth." Blake, just like his father, refused to look my way. It was as if I was nothing more than an obstacle standing there.

Cesare nodded. "You have a point there. That headache would only make matters worse." He gestured toward his black SUV. "Your brother needs to put a leash on that one, but he doesn't listen no matter how often I warn him."

"Blake!"

Don't go. Stay.

Please.

It felt like I was invisible, disappearing into another mess. Again.

Cesare jerked his head toward the car and the gun was removed from my head. The others aimed my way disappeared as they headed to the other cars.

"Non sarete vivi a lungo. Non sono l'unico che ti vede per quello che sei. Inutile."

Blake disappeared in the SUV with his father and drove away from me. There was a vice grip on my lungs as air became scarce. My back hit my car and I slid down until my ass hit the ice cold ground. Even that didn't rattle me. Everything felt as if it wasn't real and at the same time all too real.

My phone vibrated in my coat pocket and I pulled it out just as it stopped. I stared blankly at the multiple missed calls from Harlow and Benito. There were a few from the other brothers, and I knew they'd called to check on Blake.

Harlow's name lit up the screen again and I had half a mind not to answer. The last thing I wanted to do was hear his voice, not when I felt like this. I was at the bottom of the fucking hole and there wasn't a way out in sight.

"Quincy, you two were supposed to be here already," Harlow shouted over the phone.

I shook my head and slammed it back against the car. Fuck. Fuck.

"Quincy?" The note of concern in Harlow's voice did nothing to the despair that crushed me under the heavy emotion.

"I—" Words caught in my throat and I swallowed them down. "Blake went with Cesare."

Benito's curses could be heard in the background.

"Okay, where are you? I'll come get you," Harlow offered.

"Like hell you are, we will send Tony," Benito shot back.

"I'm good. He's better off far away from me."

Harlow grunted. "That's not what I asked."

"Stop!" My chest tightened. "Stop pretending you give a fuck. Stop being there when you aren't." Pain was all I knew and felt as it twisted into something ugly inside of me. "You left without so much as a backward glance."

That wasn't true, Harlow hadn't had a choice in the matter. He'd been forced to marry Benito but it didn't erase the abandonment that I felt. It wasn't even something I gave a damn about now, but with Blake walking away from me, it dragged up all those old feelings and forced them on me.

I stood up and headed for the driver's side. There were too many emotions twisting inside of me. I couldn't hold onto a single one of them. "Don't worry about me anymore. I’ll handle my own shit."

Alone.