Page 11

Brody

A week later—first preseason game

“Blue 82, Blue 82, hut, hut.”

I sped to the edge of the line of scrimmage and danced on my feet, waiting. As practiced, I took off for center field, surprising the defensive ends double-teaming me. Or trying to.

“Dev,” I screamed, knowing he couldn’t hear me but hoping he might have that sixth sense we had with each other. And like that Orange Bowl game, he slipped like a runny egg in a nonstick pan, sidestepped, and faded back to throw. The ball soared like an arc in the blue, blue sky and fell in my arms. “Come to Papa.”

With the fans cheering, I motored to the end zone and scored. My teammates mobbed me, and we left the field slowly so the special teams could come out. Zeke made the kick, and we’d won our first preseason game, 31-10.

We streamed into the locker room, laughing and reliving the better plays in the game. Coach Jackson and his staff came in, and we all grew quiet.

“Nice work, everyone. Always good to start off the preseason with a win. We had some good moves and a couple of missteps. Take your time to recover, relax, and show up on Wednesday ready to go. We have some films of the Pilots to watch.”

I’d gotten a bruise on my knee that the team physician looked at and said wasn’t anything to worry about. I couldn’t wait to get into the whirlpool, and after my knee was iced, I soaked in the churning water, and then in some Epsom salts. I ached all over and after my stretch with the trainer, was ready to go home and relax. Dev and I had a night planned of takeout and watching a movie.

I glanced around for Dev and saw him with ice on his shoulder, getting a rubdown from Enzo. I figured it would be a while before they finished assessing him, and decided to head home, so I sent him a text to come whenever he wanted. I’d be waiting.

At my apartment, I stripped down to my boxers, lay on the sectional, and called Momma.

“Hey, honey. I see you won today. You played great with your new team. Everybody nice there?”

I managed a smile. Lord, she was cute. “It’s all good. And yeah, it was a good win. I’m home and just conked out on the couch, staring at the river.”

“Sounds pretty. You make sure you rest, you hear me?”

It might hurt my ribs, but her scolding had me chuckling. “Yes, Momma. I know. Like I said, I’m relaxing. Might take a nap.”

“Good idea. And you’re enjoying it up there?”

“I am. Surprised even me ’cause I didn’t think I’d like bein’ in crowds of people. But Dev’s taken me to Central Park, and we drove out to some beaches, then upstate to the mountains, where we went fishin’. That was pretty cool. It’s like they’ve got everything within a hundred miles.”

“That makes me feel better about you bein’ in New York.”

Something bugged me. “Momma, I lived in Texas when I was with the Lonestars. That was far away too. Why’re you so worried now?”

“But you weren’t living in the city. And it’s different. Lots more people, crime…and I’m still not sure.”

“Not sure about what?”

“Oh, honey, I know you and Devlin love each other, but you’ve never been with anyone else. Maybe you’re rushing all this.”

I pinched my eyes shut. Now was not the time to tell her that wasn’t true.

“Momma, I know the difference. And I know what I have with Dev is real. You just have to trust me.”

“I do. I’ll let you go rest now. Talk to you soon.”

“Bye.”

I flipped on the television, turning it to ESPN, where they were doing a rundown of the day’s games. I grinned as they showed my catch and Dev jumping up and down and fist-pumping. I stretched and closed my eyes.

Just gonna take a lil snooze.

My eyelids fluttered open to Dev pressing kisses to my face. “Hello, Sleeping Beauty.”

I yawned. “What time is it?”

“Almost eight.”

Shocked, I struggled up to sitting. “What? I slept for over two hours? Damn.”

“I had a nice time watching you.” He lay beside me. “You’re cute when you sleep. Then again, you’re always cute.”

Still achy, I rolled my neck a few times. “Cute and hungry. What do you want for dinner?”

“I’m thinking Pad Thai or pizza?”

“ Mmm . Or both?”

Dev made a face. “That’s not happening as long as I’m here.” He slid his foot up my leg. “You were so good out there today. I knew you’d be an asset to the team.”

“Thanks. I think we’re really comin’ together. This is the first time I’m playin’ for a contender, and the vibe is so different. The fans, they’re like on steroids.”

Dev snorted with laughter. “Ow, don’t make me laugh. I’m still so fucking sore, even after a whirlpool and massage. But yeah. Just wait until the regular season.”

“It gets wild, huh?”

Those green eyes sparkled as he nuzzled into my neck. “Let’s just say there are two kinds of fandoms. One is the die-hards who love us no matter what. They have season tickets, know every stat of every player, and stay with us through the hard times.”

“Yeah. Those are the best. But I get it when fans are frustrated. They pay a lotta money for their tickets and think we’re slackers if we keep losin’. I heard a lotta that. When I was with the Lonestars, they’d been rebuilding for a few years, but it just wasn’t clicking.”

He nodded against my chest. “Uh-huh. Then there’s the other kind. The ones who take it a little too far. And I know, everyone loves a winner, and these people expect New York teams to win. So we’ve got that pressure. Now add on the fact that we came so damn close last year, and we’re one of the favorites to go all the way this year. If we suck and lose, they’ll get on us like you’ve never seen.”

“Yeah. That’s how it was with the Lonestars fans. They’d boo us if we sucked.”

“Here, they’ll boo, yell at us, call us names, and tell the teams who should be traded.”

Now that I’d cut my hair for the season—something Dev vociferously protested and whined about for over a week—he played with my chest hair and swirled it around his fingers.

“They have no problem telling us we suck.” His lips kicked up. “In multiple languages.”

“I can deal with it.”

“I know. You’re tough.”

Not really. He should only know all those nights I’d spent missing him when he wasn’t with me. Phone calls and stolen weekends weren’t enough. This off-season together had proved it.

“It was like old times, playing on the same team. I never thought I’d get the chance again. Thank you for suggesting it and lightin’ a fire under my ass to make the move.”

“Having a team that works together instead of a bunch of egos on the field makes all the difference.”

Laughing, I nudged his cheek with my nose. “No ego where you’re concerned, am I right? I saw you working the crowd.”

He snickered. “What can I say? I get off on hearing the roar. But seriously? Nothing gets me more pumped than being on the field, driving for the goal line, momentum on our side and the fans giving it their all.”

Under my fingers I could feel his heart beat faster, and I nuzzled his neck. “Nothin’, huh? Guess I’m slippin’.”

“Silly. If I didn’t have you, I don’t think I’d be able to do this at all.”

He kissed me, gentle and sweet, not a prelude to sex because our bodies were way too beaten up to think about it, but reaffirming our deep connection.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, before Dev slowly sat up. “Are you happy you’re living here now? You don’t have any regrets, do you?”

“Who’re you, my momma?” As soon as I said it, I wanted to take the words back. Dev’s face fell, and his lips twisted in a fake-as-hell attempt at a smile.

“She’s still not convinced it was the right move for you, is she?” His head tipped down, hiding his eyes, but I caught the hurt in their green depths. “It’s okay. I’m not mad at her. She loves you and wants to make sure you’re okay. Like a real mother.”

“It’s not that. She worries about you too.”

“Yeah?” He raised his head and brushed the dark hair out of his sad eyes. “Like how?”

My heart hurt, knowing that he’d never received a mother’s love. Outwardly, Dev put on the face of a fun, easygoing man, someone always up for a good time, but only I knew his sensitive side. How fiercely he loved me. How lonely he was. Too many times we’d be together and I’d catch him staring into space. I knew he was thinking about his parents, wondering why they deserted him simply because he wanted to follow his dreams and not theirs.

At my hesitation, he pulled away from me. “Please don’t lie to me. You won’t hurt my feelings, I promise.” He left the couch and began to pace.

“I’ll never lie to you. She’s concerned, thinkin’ that you were my first and I never gave myself a chance to be with anyone else. Please stop. You’re makin’ me dizzy.”

“But that’s not true. You told me about the guy from the swim team and a couple of others. I knew you weren’t a virgin.” He managed a grin. “Not with the way you kissed me by the firepit.”

I’d never wanted to have this conversation with Dev because our first time had happened so fast, and I hadn’t wanted to break the magic between us. And afterward, we’d both fallen so hard and fast, it had no longer mattered, but I couldn’t lie.

“I mean, yeah. We fooled around, got each other off, blowjobs and toys…but full-on sex? You were my first.”

Shocked didn’t come close to describing Dev’s reaction. Pain, hurt, and love all mixed together in his eyes, and he returned to sit by my side.

“Baby, why didn’t you ever tell me?”

I couldn’t meet his gaze. “I didn’t want you to stop that night and have to give you explanations. I’d been thinking about you for so long, and when you showed up and kissed me, all I could think of was how much I wanted you.”

Dev cupped my face in his big, rough hands. “I would’ve been gentler, but I wouldn’t have stopped. Taking the chance to kiss you that night was scarier than anything I’ve ever done. Even going to the Super Bowl.”

“Come on, now.” I shook my head, but he remained deadly serious.

“This is our lives we’re talking about. I could give up football tomorrow, but I could never give you up.”

More soft kisses, and we lay cuddled together, watching the lights twinkling across the river. I was glad the conversation about Momma’s concerns hadn’t taken a bad turn. However she felt, my life was here now with Dev. Our phones buzzed at almost the same time. Dev pulled his out first.

“It’s Ezra. He wants to know if we’re interested in meeting him and his husband for dinner tomorrow night.”

“I’m down for it. I only met Ezra in person when I signed with him. Everything else has been virtual.”

“Great.” Dev tapped on his screen. “I’ll let him know.”

**

“This place is packed for a Monday night.” I gazed around the 2nd Avenue Deli, a no-frills restaurant that smelled like french fries, garlic, and smoked meat. In other words, heaven on a plate.

Ezra’s eyes twinkled. “It’s packed every night. People think Katz’s is the best, but that’s not the real thing.” At the approach of the waiter with a pile of pickles and bowl of coleslaw, he rubbed his hands together. “Ahh, come to Papa.”

“Excuse my husband. He’s just finished another fad diet, and this is his first meal since his escape.” Monroe—or Roe, as he told us to call him—cast a loving yet long-suffering glance at Ezra, and his dry wit set us all laughing. Even Ezra. When we heard their story, how they’d been separated as childhood sweethearts but found each other years later, it made me realize that none of us had easy lives, and we all had to work for a happiness that shouldn’t be so difficult.

I’d never been to a Jewish deli, but if the towering sandwiches and delicious smells were any indication, this wouldn’t be my last time. A bunch of people had recognized us, and after some autographs and picture-taking, they left us alone. New Yorkers were cool for the most part and gave celebrities their peace, but even still, Ezra had asked for a booth at the far end of the restaurant, away from the center of the crowd, which the management had accommodated.

Crunching noisily through a pickle, Ezra dismissed Roe’s comment about his diet. “Listen. One of my clients wrote this bestseller, and in order to properly market her, I felt it was the right thing to do.” He rolled his eyes. “But after one day, I thought I’d die. Only green juice and veggies and salads with the tiniest bit of protein. It was torture.” He spooned some coleslaw on his plate.

“You’re a meat-and-potatoes guy?” I took some coleslaw, and though it wasn’t like Momma’s, it was pretty damn good.

“I eat healthy, but it was ridiculous. Forget about that. Can I just say how much I’m loving having the two of you in the same town on the same team? Aside from making it easier for me, I can see you two are enjoying it as well.”

While dressing for dinner, Dev and I had discussed it and decided to tell Ezra. It only made sense.

Dev put a hand on my thigh, giving me a comforting squeeze, and that gave me courage to say my truth. “We are. And I think you can already guess the reason.” Even though we were separated from the main part of the restaurant, I was still uneasy and leaned forward, lowering my voice. “Dev and I…we’re together. Have been since college. And it’s been hell hidin’ it, but we trust you because…” My gaze shifted to Roe, whose gentle, encouraging smile gave me strength. “Because you’re living the life me ’n Dev wish we could. And it gives me hope.”

Roe sighed. “Normally I’d say don’t wish for anyone else’s life, but in this case, I understand. You’ve picked a profession built on brute force and power and which hasn’t yet caught up with recognizing that gay men are just as capable of playing the game as anyone else.”

Serious for the moment, Ezra wiped his mouth. “You’re both big, strong, alpha males playing an all-American sport. One day, in the not-so-distant future, I’m hoping it might be commonplace to see gay football players living out and proud, but I’m afraid that day hasn’t arrived yet.”

Roe took Ezra’s hand. “You know I’m a psychologist. Please know I’m always available for you if you ever need help or just to talk.”

Watching the waiter approach the table with our food, I held off answering until our sandwiches had been placed in front of us.

“Thank you. I hope you’ll understand if I say I hope we never have to.”

“I do.”

We ate and agreed to meet once a month to catch up. On the way home, Dev and I decided to walk a bit. We received some side-eyes, and I caught a few people taking videos.

“I thought that was fun,” Dev said, strolling with his hands in his pockets. “They’re really the perfect couple.”

At the corner of First and 70th, we stopped, and Dev called for a car. In the darkness of the back seat, I felt safe enough to take his hand.

“Is that something you might want one day?” I asked him. “To have what they have?”

Dev laced our fingers together. “It’s all I think about. Their life is goals for me.”