Page 33 of Embers in Autumn
When she lowered herself over me, sliding down inch by inch, my groan tore through the room, raw and guttural. The feel of her—tight, wet, perfect—had me clenching my jaw to keep from finishing right then.
Amber rode me slow at first, dragging out every second, her nails raking down my chest. I watched her, mesmerized, the sway of her breasts, the way her hair spilled loose, the glow of her flushed skin. She looked like sin wrapped in silk, and I’d never seen anything so beautiful.
“You’re mine tonight,” she said, breathless but firm, grinding down hard enough to make me shout. “Do you hear me, Dean?”
“Yes,” I groaned, my body jerking helplessly beneath hers. “God, yes, baby. I’m yours.”
Her pace quickened, riding me harder, deeper, the slap of skin and her moans filling the room. I couldn’t stop the filth pouring from my mouth, every word a prayer and a curse. “Fuck, Amber—so tight—so fucking perfect—ride me, baby, don’t stop—”
She leaned forward, bracing her hands on my chest, her hair brushing my face as she moved faster, her walls clenching around me. My vision blurred, the world narrowing to the wet heat of her, the way she used me, owned me.
“Come with me,” she gasped, her voice cracking as her body shuddered.
That was all it took. I surged against the restraints, roaring her name as release tore through me, hot and violent. She fell with me, her body shaking, her cry muffled against my shoulder as she pulsed around me, milking every drop.
When the tremors finally eased, she collapsed on top of me, both of us breathless, drenched in sweat. My wrists ached under the belt, but I didn’t care. I’d never felt more wrecked. More alive.
And as I pressed my mouth to her hair, panting, one thought burned clear through the haze.
This gorgeous, wild, untouchable woman had me tied up, undone, and begging for more—
and I’d let her do it again a thousand times over.
Amber’s body trembled against mine as she unfastened the belt. My wrists came free, skin marked red, but I didn’t even feel it. All I felt was her. I dragged her back into my arms, kissing her like I was afraid she might slip away if I gave her a second’s space.
The words tore out of me, rough and unguarded. “I loved that, baby. I fucking love you, Amber.”
Fuck, I'm an idiot.
The second they left my mouth, I saw it.
Her whole body went stiff. Her eyes snapped to mine, wide and frightened, her breath catching like she’d been cornered.
“I can’t,” she blurted, shaking her head, panic rising in her voice.
“Dean, I can’t… I said that before, I gave those words away and they broke me.
He twisted them until they cut me to pieces.
He made me feel worthless, like nothing I gave was enough.
I can’t go back to that. I cannot give them again, not when I know how much it hurts to lose everything after. ”
Her voice cracked and my heart felt like it had been split open with an axe.
I caught her face in both my hands, firm but gentle, holding her like she was the most breakable thing I had ever touched.
“Amber,” I said, my voice rough, “listen to me. Then do not. Do not say them. If those words carry that much pain for you, then never give them to me. Not once. If it keeps you safe, if it keeps you breathing easier, then never speak them. Not in a month, not in a year, not in fifty years.”
Her tears spilled over, wetting my fingers, but I pressed on, my own throat tightening.
“Stay your life with me,” I whispered fiercely.
“Stay every morning, every night, every storm and every quiet Sunday. Stay when we fight, stay when we laugh, stay when we are old and wrinkled and nothing like we are now. Stay, Amber. And never once say those words if you cannot bear them. Because I do not need to hear them. Not from you. I just need you.”
Her lips trembled, her body pressed hard to mine, her hands clutching at my shoulders like she was afraid I might vanish.
“I want you,” I went on, my voice breaking, “not the words. I want your laugh echoing in my kitchen. I want your books stacked on every surface of my house. I want Lana coming home from school and telling me about the new novel you handed her. I want to argue with you about candles and fire hazards until we are both gray. I want the quiet nights, the loud fights, the ordinary moments nobody else sees. I want * you .* All of you. For as long as you’ll let me. ”
Her tears slid faster now, and I kissed them, my lips soft against her skin.
“Do not ever say you love me if it hurts you,” I whispered. “Just do not let me go. That will be enough. That will always be enough.”
For a long moment, all I could hear was her uneven breathing, her body shuddering against mine. Then her lips brushed my ear, her voice so small it nearly broke me in half.
“Don’t let me go.”
The words broke against my chest, raw and trembling, and they gutted me.
I pulled her in tighter, arms closing around her like I could fuse us together, like if I held on hard enough the universe itself wouldn’t dare try to take her from me. My lips pressed to her temple, her tears hot against my skin.
“Never,” I whispered, fierce and certain, the kind of vow a man makes once in his life and means until his last breath.