Page 52 of Emani's Way
There’s a roar of “alright” and “God is good” before the crowd settles back down to listen to my Daddy continue his sermon.
“I’ve come to you today to ask you for forgiveness. You see, I have been called to be a leader. I was called to preach the word of Gawwd! Can I get an amen!”
“Amen! Yes, pastor!”
“But as a man. I have fallen short of my calling sometimes. And I have asked my God for forgiveness, but now I need to ask it of you.”
“We forgive you, pastor.”
The congregation is yelling out their absolutions before they even know what the sin is. It makes me wonder if these people are actually listening or if they are just here to be seen and heard.
“I want you to know that if you can find it in your heart to forgive a sinner that I was, that I will be forever grateful. Because as long as you can forgive me, I will be here to lead this church.”
“Amen! We have all been sinners.”
Again, the congregation is for everything my Daddy is saying. However, I noticed that the three musketeers are all frowning. My gaze shifts to Maddox and he raises his eyebrow, and when I look at Amari, she has the same look.So, I’m not the only one who sees the sour faces.
“My wife has stood by my side for forty years. She has been the first lady of this church and a pillar of our community. Mrs. Tina Jackson has been a godsend. She raised four girls without batting a lash, and I love her for it.” My Daddy gives my Mama an adoring look, but she shifts uncomfortably in her seat.
“But one of those girls, she didn’t birth.” My Daddy pauses, and the murmur of the crowd gets louder with questions. “My wife raised our baby girl as her own once we reconciled from our separation.”
I can feel eyes on me, but I don’t shrink down like I normally would. Like they expect me to do. I sit up straighter and hold my head higher.None of this is my fault, and I will not shrink into myself.
“Lord knows when we were about to file for divorce, circumstances pushed us back together. Our marriage wasn’t perfect thirty years ago, but it’s more loving than it has ever been. I couldn’t ask for a more loving mother, wife, andfirst ladyfor Mount Zion Avenue Baptist Church.”
My Daddy calls for my Mama, and she slowly gets up. He pulls her into a tight hug and whispers in her ear. The smile plastered on my Mama’s face is forced, and her body is so rigid she could pass for a mannequin.
The congregation is eating it all up and applauding and hollering out, amen. I would laugh if it weren’t so tragic. But the look on Zuri, Darrius andmy Mama’sfaces are enough to make me smile.
I don’t know what they agreed to, but my Daddy telling the congregation about me was probably not part of it. It is very clear that Dr. Miles Jackson has no intentions of giving up his church or position, especially when he called Mama thefirst lady. I thought her head was going to explode.
“Well, I wasn’t expecting any of that,” Maddox says once church is over.
“I don’t thinkanyonewas expecting that,” I chuckle.
My Daddy can rest knowing that his wife and oldest daughter can’t engage in a hostile takeover of the church, but that doesn’t mean everything is right with our world. Our family is completely broken, and I don’t know if it can be repaired.
***
“I’m glad you all invited me here tonight. I know you’ve needed space and time baby girl, but I missed you,” my Daddy hugs me tight.
I relish his bear hug even though I’m still upset with him. But he’s still my dad, and I’m doing my best to forgive him.
“I’ve missed you too, Daddy.”
I lead him inside, where everyone is chatting and mingling. Since we aren’t spending Christmas at home, Maddox and I decided to have all of our friends and family over for a holiday get together before we leave for Mexico.
I invited Amari and Naomi, but that’s it. I haven’t talked to Zuri or my Mama since that night at my parent’s house. I’m working on my trauma in therapy, but it might take years before I can forgive them… if ever. My Mama treated me like trash my entire life, and neither of them had any qualms about using or hurting me in their quest for power. I might change my mind one day, but at this point, I don’t want to see either one of them again.
“What your Mama and sister did was… I still can’t believe they put you through that. I’m sorry, Emani. I’m sorry I wasn’t man enough to tell you the truth.”
“What happened to my birth mother? Is it true she just left me?”
“No, sweetie. She died from complications in childbirth. Autumn never got to meet you. She really was a wonderful woman. You remind me of her sometimes.”
I nod, but I stay quiet. I’m not sure how I feel about any of this information. But I won’t stop my Daddy from sharing his story.
“She didn’t have any family left. It was just her, so it never crossed my mind not to keep you. Even if Tina didn’t want to raise you, I would’ve never given you up.” I get teary-eyed at his declaration, and we end up hugging once more.