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Chapter 20

Theo Glass

None of this was ever in my plans.

Not meeting Jace, not opening up to him.

Not falling for him.

None of this.

And it could all royally fuck me. This could end me. Ruin me.

Yet I wanted more. Wanted to keep splitting myself open for him so that he understood every single piece of me. So he could comprehend exactly how I functioned. So he could know why I did the things I did and why I had to keep it going until I made it all the way to the top of the food chain.

I lay in my own bed, Luke curled up by my feet. I stared directly up at the ceiling as if I were lying in my own coffin. The sun still hadn’t come up. I loved this time of the morning, where seemingly no responsibilities existed. No anxieties about the day. Nothing mattered except just being . Resting.

But still, I felt the anxiety rising. I reached for Luke and dragged him up to my face. He gave a surprised meow at being woken up but quickly settled back down.

My little buddy. I’d had him for seven years now. He had known me before I was broken, before I cracked.

He was one of the only souls I could say I truly loved. Even though he was just a cat, he had seen me through a countless number of panic attacks. Every time I felt myself spiral, I’d reach for him. He became so accustomed to it that he’d start to seek me out when the nerves began ratcheting up.

And fuck, were they starting to ratchet.

It had been two weeks now since I’d spent the night at Jace’s. Since he had found me on his computer.

Dumb, stupid, fuck.

I banged a closed fist against my forehead. Luke perked up.

“That was so stupid. Shit.”

And then I opened up to him. Laid myself bare. Gave him my deepest, darkest traumas (well, some of them, at least). I never did that, not with anyone. It was like handing over a loaded gun. Knowledge that could be used to hurt me more than an actual bullet.

But I trusted him.

The detective hunting me down.

I trusted him.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Luke put a paw out. His nails gave my forearm a little scratch. I curled into him, lying on my side, trying to control my breathing.

I wanted to text him. He was probably still sleeping, but I wanted to text him. Wanted to be back in his home. We’d hung out a few times after that, but he’d been too busy with work—with hunting for me—that I couldn’t really get to see him. Not unless I was in the office building next door, watching him.

And I’d only done that once.

Okay, twice.

It was beginning to make me feel bad. A conscience was starting to develop, like a fetus growing limbs somewhere inside me, unfurling from the nothingness that had been nesting in my chest for years and years and years. He made me second-guess everything. My life, my mission. I wanted to avenge Marielle, wanted to make her death mean something, but could I have been going about it the wrong way?

Not that it mattered. The past was the past, after all.

The buzz in my veins heightened. It was like I had swallowed an entire hive of angry bees. My bones rattled.

Jace, I just wanted Jace. I just wanted things to be solved. I wanted my sister back. I wanted this circle of fucking monsters annihilated. They were too evil for the law. None of these people even deserved a trial, much less a life behind bars. There, they’d be fed, watered, taken care of. Like walking house plants, confined to their steel and cement pots. They’d be alive. None of these bastards deserved that. Their crimes extended past the blackmail, even though that’s where the roots had taken hold. Growing into gnarly trees with twisted limbs and razor-sharp leaves.

Vicious, vicious humans. Of course I had to end them.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary…

I couldn’t stay in bed for much longer. I got out, my bedroom walls feeling like they were starting to cave in on me. Luke gave me a look like “Seriously? This early?” before he got up, stretched, and jumped off the bed. He followed me into the kitchen. I poured myself a shot of tequila. The clock on the microwave read 5:45 a.m.

“Cheers,” I said to Luke and downed the shot. It was smooth. I was tempted to take another but decided to let this one work its magic before I started to get drunk.

A sound from outside my apartment door drew my attention. It was a stumbling. A rustling of bags.

Must have been Billie. He was my eccentric, rich, older neighbor. He slept through the day and went about his business at night. Maybe he had secrets that only came out in the dark like I had?

Or maybe it was the SWAT team getting ready to barrel down my door. Now, that would be an interesting start to the day .

But there was no way. Jace was just with me yesterday for lunch. We hooked up in the bathroom stall at Luna Mexico. He wouldn’t be so nonchalant with me if he even had a whiff of an idea that I was behind Nevermore.

Unless…

Was he setting a trap? That wasn’t too far out of the realm of possibility.

I shot a cautious glance at Luke, who was drinking water from his bowl without a single care in the world. What a life to live.

“Must be nice.”

The stumbling and rustling continued. I heard a loud bang. It rattled my door. I shook.

Then came the shout. “Ow! Shit!”

Definitely Billie. I recognized that voice from anywhere. Sounded like a clown who’d inhaled helium for a little too long.

I peeked through the peephole. He was struggling to get back to his feet, groceries all around the ground.

I opened the door. “Hold on, here, let me help.”

“Shit, sorry to wake you, kiddo.”

He loved to call me kiddo. It was nice. Reminded me of some classic movie, even though he really wasn’t all that much older than me. He probably had twenty years over my thirty-two. Not nearly old enough to be calling me “kiddo.”

Still, it didn’t bother me.

“I was already awake,” I said, grabbing his wrinkled hand in mine and pulling him up. I noticed there were bruises on the inside of his wrist, like the kind made from IV needles being poked into the wrong place.

He went to go grab his groceries, but I stuck a hand out. I got down on my knees and grabbed the apples, onions, lettuce, meat, bread. A box of condoms.

Hah. Gramps still got it. Good for him.

I put them all back in the bag and handed them back to him. He smiled, but there was a weariness in his expression that hadn’t always been there.

“Everything okay?” I asked. I’d known him for the last two years, ever since I could afford to live in a place like this. We weren’t all that close, but he’d invited me over a couple of times for some wine and a few wild stories to pass the time. I felt like I had made a connection with him. One of the rare few in this world who I could say that about.

“I’m not doing all that hot, kiddo. Been going to the doctors a lot. They found some lump. Nothing to worry about, though. Should be all fine.”

“A lump? Cancer?”

“I didn’t say the C-word, and you shouldn’t, either. It’ll curse me. I had an ex-wife who cursed me once. Found chicken bones and a lamb heart outside of my door, and the next few days, I had the worst case of blue balls imaginable.”

That got a belly laugh out of me. He winced. “Drinking this early?”

Ah, shit. He must have smelled my breath. “Things haven’t been too hot on my end, either. But I can’t compare or complain. I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will. So will I.” He put a hand on my shoulder and smiled. He had a few sun splotches coloring his tan face. His salt-and-pepper hair was thinning near the front. An expensive Hermès bracelet shone on his wrist, covering a few more bruises.

“Come over sometime this week. Let’s have some wine and cheese.”

“Sounds like a plan to me, Billie.”

He squeezed my shoulder. Or at least attempted to. His strength was clearly waning.

I said goodbye to him and got back inside my apartment. Luke had retreated to his cat cave next to the couch, where he had a spectacular view of the sun rising over Central Park.

My phone buzzed across the coffee table. It was my burner phone. Must have been the fourth person I was targeting. The fourth on my list. I was getting closer and closer to the top. To the person responsible. With every person I encountered, I was able to drain out a few more drops of crucial information. I knew the name of the ring, I knew some of the top players, I knew who they targeted and why.

I just needed to know who the head of the snake was. Then, I could chop it in two.

I unlocked the phone. Read the message.

“I know what you’re doing, Nevermore. I’m onto you. If you think you’re smarter than me, then you’re very mistaken. It’s too late to stop. Now good luck surviving.”

Well… shit. Th at wasn’t good.

Another text buzzed into my actual phone.

JACE: Want to hang tonight? Just chill?

THEO: Yeah I need some air. Let’s go somewhere high.