Page 33

CHAPTER 33

NOVA

I believe I’ve spent a lot of time in churches. Even if I can’t remember the place, day, or time, or what I was wearing. What the verse was or how the altar looked.

It’s a feeling. A knowing understanding that I’ve been in God’s house many times before. And chasing that feeling is exactly why I’m here now.

Elliot is beside me, sitting completely silent, his shoulders squared. He looks more comfortable than the last Sunday we were here, but there’s still a tension to the way he sits. Nerves clearly present.

Pastor Ford steps out of a door off to the side of the altar, his gaze sweeping the sanctuary. When he sees us, his eyes widen, but he smiles warmly.

“Elliot Hunt. It’s good to see you, son,” he greets.

“Pastor Ford,” he greets.

The pastor turns to me. “And Nova. It’s good to put an actual name to your face.” He offers his hand, so I shake it. “Word travels fast in this town. I believe we knew your real name mere minutes after you found out.” After releasing my hand, he takes a seat in the pew in front of us then turns. “How are you both doing?”

“Feeling a bit lost,” I admit.

“This is the perfect place to be when you’re lost,” he says, casting a quick glance at Elliot, who remains staring straight ahead.

I long to reach over and take his hand in mind, hopefully offering some assurance that he’s not the only one feeling the weight of being within these four walls. But aside from the kindness he’s shown me since Milo died, he’s made it clear that’s not what he wants, so I keep my hands in my lap.

“I’m struggling with the fact that I’ve lost so much. I can’t remember anything about my life, not my family, friends, the place I grew up. Whether or not we had a dog.” I shake my head. “Someone who cared about me died today, and I couldn’t even offer the assurance that I would remember him because I don’t know who we were to each other.”

“You think just because you can’t remember who you were that you won’t remember who he was?”

I shrug. “If memories are so easily lost, who knows?”

Pastor Ford smiles softly. “God’s plan is a mystery to everyone but Him. What we have, though, is His Word. His promises. You are in the middle of a storm, Nova, but it doesn’t have to take you under.”

I snort. “It definitely feels like it might.”

“And at times, it will feel that way. But just a little faith can move a mountain. Yours can get you through what you’re dealing with now. He can calm the storm.”

“Why take my memories, though? If I’m meant to stop—” I trail off, not wanting to say too much. “If I’m meant to do good, then why erase everything and everyone I’ve ever known?”

Pastor Redding lets out a sigh. “I wish I had an answer for you, Nova. What’s happened to you is a horrible tragedy. But that doesn’t mean something beautiful won’t come out of it.” He smiles at me and glances at Elliot again. “Oftentimes, God takes what is broken and creates a masterpiece like only He can.”

* * *

Elliot’s on monitor duty tonight, so I make an extra cup of coffee and carry it into his dad’s office where he’s been watching the cameras since Tucker headed to his house.

Both Ruth and Tommy retired to their rooms an hour ago, and I’ve been up in my room, unable to sleep. So I decided to make good use of my time and use the laptop Tucker loaned me to research ways of helping me remember my past.

My hope is that, if I can just remember, then there will be someone else we can go to for help. Someone who will be able to take that thumb drive, make the arrests, and then I can go on with my life.

I step into the office and pause in the doorway, my heart leaping within my chest.

Elliot is bare-chested, his eyes closed, as he does decline sit-ups on a bench in the corner of his father’s office. Every muscle in his body is tense, his skin gleaming with sweat. The bullet wound beside his heart is still red and raised but closed.

My mouth dries.

The ink from his left sleeve spans over his chest, nearly hiding an older puckered scar. There are four more scars along his chest and abdomen, and I recall him telling me he’d been shot multiple times before.

I swallow hard. Oh my. He’s gorgeous. Stunning. And I can’t seem to tear my gaze away from the pure power he displays with every movement.

Before he catches me gawking, I clear my throat. He opens his eyes and finishes his current sit-up. Then, he gets up and retrieves the shirt he left on the back of the chair. “What are you doing up?”

“I couldn’t sleep, so I thought you could use some coffee.” I carry it over to his desk and set it down beside an open Bible.

“Thanks.”

“Sure.”

Elliot checks the cameras then retrieves a bottle of water from a mini fridge in the opposite corner.

“Any word on the search to find us help?”

“I’ve notified some guys I know in Maine. They’re looking, too, but since we have to be careful who to trust on this one, they’re doing some extra digging.”

“That’s good.”

“Thanks for the coffee,” he says again. He’s dismissing me, asking me to leave without actually asking. I nearly listen, but I really don’t want to be alone. Especially if it means I can’t be here with him.

“Thanks for taking me to the church today.”

“You already thanked me for that.” He crosses his arms and leans back against the desk. I can’t help but drink him in. The pure masculine strength that is Elliot Hunt. While he is quite wonderful to look at though, there’s more to him than what’s on the surface. The haunting darkness in his eyes has captivated me from the moment we first met.

“I know, but I wanted to say it again.” I move around the room, studying photographs on the walls of his father and all of them out on the ranch. There are pictures of all five of the Hunt brothers in uniform with Lani standing in the center in her scrubs. They all look so happy. I turn toward him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“How did it feel being in church today?”

“Excuse me?”

“How did it feel?”

“The same as when I was there with you on Sunday.”

“Which was?”

He eyes me, clearly trying to understand why I’m asking him. “A bit nervous,” he finally says. “But a step in the right direction.”

I nod in agreement. “It felt like home for me. Like even though I can’t recall the names of my family, I’d found my way back home.” I look over at the Bible. “You’re reading?”

“I lost myself for a while,” he says. “As you know. But I’m working on getting back there.”

“Is Renee the only reason you stopped going?”

He eyes me, expression unreadable. “We’re just diving into all the hard conversations, aren’t we?”

“I want to know more.”

“About what?”

“About you. About why you pulled away from the church. About”—I swallow hard— “Renee.”

“Why do you want to know about her?”

“She mattered to you.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Doesn’t it?” I ask. I know I hurt him, but these walls, they’re killing me. “I want to know you better.”

“Why?”

“Are you seriously going to make me spell it out?”

“Yes,” he replies, pushing to his feet. “Because I offered myself to you. I opened myself up, and you threw it back in my face when you left with him. So yes, Nova, I want you to tell me why. I want you to be honest with the both of us.”

I close my eyes, tears stinging the corners. My heart is so heavy it might as well have been pumped full of lead. “I told you, I made a mistake. I’m sorry.” When I open my eyes again, he’s running a hand through his hair.

“I don’t need your apologies.”

“No? Because you don’t seem to understand how absolutely sorry I am for what I did. How, even as I was making that choice, I knew it was the wrong one.” I take a few steps closer.

Elliot’s nostrils flare, and he crosses his arms.

“Even if Brett had turned out to be everything I’d thought he was at first, if what he’d told me was the truth, he was still a choice someone else made. I’m not her anymore. It just took me too long to realize it.”

“And what, now that your fiancé turned out to be a murderer, you’re interested? I’m not a second choice, Nova. I deserve better.”

“You were never my second choice, Elliot. I may not remember anything, but I do know that.” I take a step closer then remain where I am. If he wants what’s between us, then he can take the next step.

And if not? Well, I’ll deal with that if I have to.

“From the moment I woke up on that horse and saw you holding me, I’ve been drawn to you.”

“Then why did you walk away? Was it really just obligation?”

“It was that and hope that, if I returned to my old life for even a little while, I’d remember who I was. I didn’t feel whole. I still don’t. But I’m beginning to think that doesn’t matter. Not in the way I thought it did.”

He uncrosses his arms, and his expression turns tortured. “Nova?—”

“Please, Elliot.” Risking my pride, I step forward. “Please don’t close me out again.” I reach up and place my hand on his chest. “Please, Elliot,” I repeat, this time my voice barely above a whisper.

He slips a hand around the back of my neck and pulls me closer. Heat twists in my stomach, a burning desire that only he stirs. “I won’t let you go again, Nova. If we take this step forward and you try to leave, I’ll track you down.”

I look up into his eyes and smile. “The same goes for you.”

Elliot slams his mouth onto mine, and the broken parts of me come back into place. Even if I can’t remember who I am, all I need is right here. God brought me to Elliot Hunt for a reason, of that I’m sure. He saved me and brought me home.

My cell rings, killing the moment between us. I pull back and take it out of my pocket. I read Crew’s name as it flashes across the screen. “Hey, this isn’t a good time. Can I call you back?”

“I can’t guarantee he’ll answer.”

The blood turns to ice in my veins, all the desire I’d felt moments ago gone like a puff of smoke on a windy afternoon. I level my gaze on Elliot then place the phone on speaker. “Brett. Where is Crew?”

“Still breathing,” he replies. “For now.”

“What do you want?” I know better than to tell him to leave my friend alone, that his fight is with me, because Brett won’t operate that way. He’d thrive in knowing how rattled he’s made me.

“You know exactly what I want, Nova. And until you get it to me, I’ll be hanging onto your buddy. We have some catching up to do, anyway.”

“If you hurt him?—”

“I’ve already hurt him,” he replies. “And if you don’t do exactly what I say, I’ll finish him off then head over to deal with the rest of his family.”

I hear a muffled plea, and I can’t help but imagine Crew, bound and gagged, struggling to get free so he can protect his family.

Elliot grabs his phone and fires off a quick text.

“Then tell me what to do. But if he doesn’t make it out of this, you should know—neither will you.”

“Big threats for someone who doesn’t even remember her own middle name.”

How did I ever even consider marrying this man? “Tell me what you want.”

“Bring me the drive in one hour. I’ll be waiting in the creek at the park. And come alone. Don’t even think about bringing the cowboys. They’d be in well over their head, anyway. You’d be marching them straight to the gates of hell. Goodbye, darling. I’ll be seeing you soon.”

The call ends, but my focus is elsewhere.

Darling. The word sparks an assault on my mind.

Plunging me headfirst into a memory.

* * *

Pain is a reminder that I’m still breathing as I sprint through the trees. It’s not my first choice, running barefoot through a Texas forest, but he left me no option after bringing me out here.

The Lord is my Shepherd; I have all that I need. I start repeating Psalm 23. My mother told me to write it on my heart for moments just like this.

Tears sting my eyes.

He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams.

Every move is agony, but I keep going. Keep moving.

He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to His name.

I have to keep fighting until there’s no more breath in my chest. I won’t go down without a fight. Too much has been lost already, and if something happens to me, the truth will also be buried six feet beneath the cold, hard ground.

Ahead, I can see the bright illumination of headlights on the highway. Hope fills me with renewed strength. If I can get up to the roadside, I can get into a car before he reaches me. Then I’ll be able to survive. Then I can get help.

I push harder. Faster. I’ve got this.

Until—I slide to a stop at the edge of a river.

Water roars, blocking me from the highway. Thanks to the heavy rains we’ve had over the past couple of days, there’s no hope of me getting across without being swept away. Still, maybe ? —

“I told you I’d find you. I will always find you.”

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for You are close beside me.

Dread coils in my belly as I turn to face my attacker. His smile is sinister, his eyes dark. How I ever trusted him, I’ll never know. Unfortunately, it’s a mistake that will likely come at the cost of my life. “What, you don’t think you can take me on without that?” I ask, eyeing his weapon, trying to keep my tone level.

Your rod and Your staff protect and comfort me.

He raises the gun and levels it on me. “I have nothing to prove to you, darling. I gave you a chance. You failed. Now I have no choice. You gave me no choice. Why couldn’t you just take the deal? Why couldn’t you play ball?”

“You know me well enough to know I never would have gone along with it. You sold your soul, and that’s something I’ll never do.”

You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil.

“Always dramatic. Things could’ve worked out. I’m sorry, but you’ve truly not given me any choice.”

My cup overflows with blessings. Surely Your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life…

A single tear slips down my cheek. If this is the end, at least, I stayed true to myself. At least, I didn’t—a gunshot echoes through the trees, and the bullet tears through the flesh of my abdomen. I fall backward, hitting the ground with a heavy thud.

I can barely breathe, every muscle in my body contracting with the pain.

It hurts so bad.

So bad.

I’m going to die here. Amongst towering trees and the scent of wet dirt.

Get to the creek. The words echo through my mind, and I glance behind me. The creek is a few feet away. It’ll take a miracle to get there before Brett kills me.

Still, I scoot back a bit.

Brett moves closer and stares down at me. “We could have had it all, you know. All you had to do was bend just one of those ridiculous rules of yours.”

“You mean the rules that kept me from becoming a dirty cop like you?” I continue moving slowly, trying to keep my moves calculated so he doesn’t sense my desperation for escape. I’m not sure how, but I know that, if I can just reach it, I’ll be free. Maybe, just maybe, God will save me so I can save them.

“Don’t you see it? Look where playing by the rules got you!” he roars, pointing at me with the gun. “Bleeding on the ground.”

“If you think for a second that Ivan is going to save you, you’re an even bigger fool than I thought.”

“Ivan needs me. He needs someone on the inside.”

“Ivan is sadistic. He likes to play with his food before he devours it.” I should know. I’ve worked alongside him for over a year. Playing the game, waiting for my escape.

Brett’s expression twists. “I’m sorry it has to be this way. I’m already in too deep, Nova. There’s no going back for me.”

“Yes, there is,” I insist. “You can help me take him down.” I keep scooting every few seconds. I need to keep him talking long enough to reach the water. “We can do it together.” The lie is vile on my tongue. I’ll never forgive him for what happened to Sam.

The image of my partner, kneeling in front of me, tears in his eyes as he stared down the barrel of a gun, will haunt me forever.

“It’s too late,” Brett insists. “I’m sorry, Nova, but this is it.”

Gathering what little strength I have, I sweep my leg out and knock him off his feet then plunge into the river. Cold envelops me as the current carries me away. Brett roars my name then fires his weapon in my direction.

But I’m already out of range. My last thought is the final line of Psalm 23.

And I will live in the house of the Lord forever .