Page 4
“Hi, Mommy! I miss you! When are you coming home?”
Smiling into the camera, I looked into the sad eyes of my six-year-old daughter, Briley. She was the apple of my eye and the reason why I got up for work most days. I could not wait to have her back in my arms.
“Soon, baby.” My smile faltered when she poked out her bottom lip. “Hey, my girl… don’t do that.” I could feel my sadness rise as I pleaded with her. “You’re going to make mommy cry, and I thought we were both big girls here.”
“I am a big girl.” She sat up straighter at the table, causing my mother and I to chuckle. “I just miss you, is all. Nana June is the only one that plays dress up with me because Papa Joe said he’s not putting on a dress.” She frowned for a minute and appeared to go into deep thought as she tapped her chin. “But he wears a gown every day?—”
“It’s a robe, little girl,” my dad cut her off. I could hear the disdain in his voice as he entered the kitchen and the conversation. I assumed he didn’t have any judicial duties today because he was dressed down in a Champion sweatsuit. “I was going to ask you if you wanted to take your bike to the park today, but since you want to gossip about me to your mother?—”
“Nooo!” she squealed and giggled as she wiggled out of the chair. “I love you, Mommy! Me and Papa Joe are going outside!”
Watching her grab my father’s hand and drag him from the kitchen, I called out to her and told her I would call her before bed. I was so thankful for my parents because being a single mom in a demanding career field wasn’t easy. Often, I wonder if the job is worth missing the quality time with my child, and I’m starting to consider that it’s not.
“Those two are going to drive me up a wall.” My mother giggled as her face came into the camera. “You look tired, baby. Is it anything you want to talk about?”
June Atkins has been more than just my mother in the almost thirty years of my life. She’s also my best friend and truest fan. She’s supported me through every endeavor, and although one would think that is the normal reaction of a mother, I’ve seen girls and women who have not been so blessed in the “mom” department.
Settling back against the headboard, I sighed heavily as I propped my phone to the side of me. I could feel tears blur my vision before I even opened my mouth. “Am I a bad mother? Her father is barely present in her life, and I’m always working. Yes, she has the love of you and Dad, but she needs that from her parents too. I think when I come home, I’m going to stay for a while. Briley deserves stability, and I think it’s time for me to have the same.”
Having a job that moves you from state to state at any given time isn’t ideal when you're the sole guardian of your child. When I was growing up, my parents always made time for me, and I never knew what it felt like to not see them every day. That daily interaction fostered the strong relationship we have today. I never doubted my parents’ love for me, and I couldn’t help but to compare my childhood to the one I was creating for Briley.
My father was a federal judge, and no matter how stressful his job was, he made sure that our house never felt the effects. He was not only an amazing father but also an amazing husband. Watching him love my mother over the years has made me want the same kind of love from a man. Unfortunately, I had already messed that up between my career and poor decisions with me. I wanted the same experience for my child, so I felt I was failing Briley.
“I tell you all the time that you’re a wonderful mother, and I mean that.” My mother gazed at me lovingly as she sipped her morning tea. “As a parent, you have to make sacrifices when it comes to home life and your career. Being a single mother isn’t easy, and you have a village behind you that will support you every step of the way. Yes, I know you want to be home more with your child, but the sacrifices you’re making now ensure that she has a brighter tomorrow. Never feel like you’re a bad mother because you’re not even in that ballpark, love.” She gave me a stern look, and I nodded knowingly. “Now… if you want to come back home and settle down with a nice man, I’m here for it. When was the last time you’ve been in the company of a man that wasn’t for work? I know you’re backed up.”
“Maaaa!” I screeched, causing her to laugh. If I had a lighter complexion, I know my face would be beet red from embarrassment. “A man is the last thing on my mind. You see how Briley’s father did me.”
When I met Bryce, he was so charming and charismatic. Although he was a few years older than me, he was so handsome. During a business conference seven years ago, I was fresh out of college and on the road all the time doing internships. At first, I thought bumping into him that night in the hotel lobby was the best night of my life. He’d helped me with my bags and even offered to have dinner with me at the hotel’s restaurant. I didn’t see any harm, even though he was a stranger, because he was so kind. I accepted the dinner reservation, and we laughed the night away and ended it together. That weekend, we sexed each other as if we had been lovers for years. After exchanging numbers, we vowed to stay in touch and even meet somewhere when time allowed. It wasn’t until two months later that I found out I was pregnant.
When I called him and told him he was going to be a father, he hung up on me. I tried calling him back, but my number was already blocked. I was devastated, to say the least, and didn’t know what to do. I was twenty-three, barely in my career field, and had no life experience or time for a baby. It was a couple of weeks later, at a charity ball I attended with my parents, that I found out the reason he didn’t want any parts of my child or me. He was married with a family of his own. The night that I thought was my best suddenly turned into my worst, and I’d yet to forgive myself for being so na?ve and reckless.
“Bryce is a bitch, Denim!” my mother spat, jarring me from my thoughts. “That man is a sad excuse for a husband and father, and I wish I knew some people that would break a few bones of his for me!”
“Mama! You’re married to a judge!” My eyes went wild at her revelation, causing her to shrug. “You can’t say stuff like that.”
“Girl, that’s your father… not mine.” She rolled her eyes and continued to sip her drink. “Your daddy or Bryce’s ass doesn’t scare me.” She paused for a moment before asking, “Bryce came by to visit the other day. He brought Briley a toy, and she barely acknowledged him. He blamed you…”
“Me?” I scoffed as I grabbed my phone and rose from the bed. I was off today and didn’t want to spend it inside, so I was about to shower and run some errands. “He’s the one that acts as if his child doesn’t exist… as if I’m the reason he will be deemed a cheater once the public knows about his outside baby. I don’t care what he says, Mama. That’s on him—not me.”
When Bryce finally came to terms with the fact that we were having a child together, he wanted me to keep quiet because of his marriage and his being a public figure. He never introduced himself to me as a married man because, if he had, I would have never had dinner with him when we met, let alone sleep with him. What makes matters worse is even though he denied Bri in the beginning, he still tried to sleep with me during and after my pregnancy. He was still trying to this day. I was so ashamed that I had found myself attached to a married man, and I felt as if I had failed my daughter by bringing her into this world in this situation.
“Girl, you know I told him to get the hell out of my face.” Her screen went gray, which let me know she had an incoming call. “This is your aunt calling for the second time this morning. Let me call you back, baby.”
Agreeing to speak later, I continued walking through my room and gathering my things for my shower. I was frustrated with what Mom told me because how dare he blame me for his shortcomings as a father. The more I thought about it, the more heated I became. Finding his contact in my phone, I put it on speaker and placed it against the tiled wall behind the sink. It didn’t take long for the rings to echo throughout the room. Right before the voicemail could come on, he picked up.
“Denim…” He huffed as if I was annoying him. “I’m busy right now and?—”
“I don’t care about any of that!” I cut him off and glared into the phone as if he could see me. “Please share the reason for you telling my mother I’m the reason my child doesn’t fool with you. What efforts have you made in the last years to show my baby that you give a fuck about her?”
Usually, I’m calm and sensible, but when it comes to my daughter, all that goes out of the window. Excusing himself to whoever he was with, I could hear his background become radio silent. Crossing my arms, I tapped my bare feet on the tiled floor and waited for him to respond.
“First of all… watch your tone when you speak to me. I’m not one of those thugs that you’re used to.”
“Stop acting like a bitch, and I won’t speak to you like one.”
“See, this is why I need to spend more time with my child. I refuse to have her subjected to your hostile behavior and think it’s okay. The more you keep her away from me, the more she feels like her little combatant attitude is okay. I want you to start sending her with me. My wife and I were talking, and we feel it’s best if she stays with us.”
Slowly, I dropped my arms to my sides and tried to control my breathing. “Repeat that shit one more time for me…”
“You heard me.” I could hear the smugness in his voice, and I’m glad this was a phone conversation. If in person, I probably would have put my hands on him. “You’re never home and have your parents raising our daughter. She barely knows me because you won't let me see her?—”
“No!” I cut him off. “She doesn’t know you because the only way you want to see her is if you can have sex with me, and I’m not going for that! Had I known you were married, I would have never let you touch me.”
He chuckled menacingly. “Did you ask? If I recall, you were drunk and all over me, baby. I gave you what you cried to have: premium dick. Now, as I was saying… Rebecca and I have talked. I want Bri living here full-time. You can come to visit her whenever you want and spend every other holiday with her. It won’t be any different than the arrangement you have with your parents.”
I wanted to curse him and let him know how he had me fucked up, but he was right. That is the exact arrangement I have with my parents, and it makes me sick. I’m away more than I’m home and hearing him say it lets me know that now more than ever, I needed to get my shit together. There was no way I was allowing Bryce to have full custody of my child.
“Bryce, fuck you and your wife.” I gritted my teeth as I leaned on top of the counter and spoke into my phone. “That lady has made it clear to me on more than one occasion that my child is a bastard… that she’s filth and will never be welcomed into her marriage or her home. You expect me to just let you have her ?”
“Be that as it may…” He ignored my statements as if they held no weight, “Bri is mine just as much as she is yours, and if you don’t want to be amicable about the situation, we can take a different route.” He paused before adding, “When are you coming back from California? I can fly out and see you while you’re there. Maybe we could?—”
Beep. Beep.
Disconnecting the call before he could finish, I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. So badly did I want to fly back home and show my ass, but I know I can’t do that. Causing a scene wouldn’t help me or my baby. Bryce can talk as much shit as he wants, but he knows I will die before I hand her over to him.
Once my breathing was under control, I continued my routine and started my shower. Before getting in, I said a small prayer that my job assignment ended soon so I could return home to my daughter. God knows I love my job, but it’s not worth me potentially losing my child, especially to her bitch of a father.
* * *
“Ms. Atkins, the report you wanted is on your desk like you asked.” Jasper looked up from his laptop once I entered the office. “Also, someone by the name of Nate has been calling nonstop for you this morning. What’s that about?”
Giving him a small finger wave as I balanced my coffee and briefcase, I entered my office without answering his question. My assistant could be a nosy little something, but I tried my best to keep the lines of personal and business uncrossed. I wasn’t sure why Nate was blowing me up like he had been. He and I have barely spoken since that awkward night at his house. Placing my things on my desk, I got myself situated and powered up my desktop as I checked my phone for any missed calls or messages.
“Today is a good day to have a good day… Let’s do this.” I breathed through the office jitters as my emails loaded while reaffirming myself. I was good at this job, but that didn’t mean I was eager to clock in every day. Working as a clerical administrator for one of the top agencies in the world is one of the most trying jobs I’ve ever had in my life. The countless phone calls and emails drove me crazy, but I always do what I need to do.
“Dee speaking,” I answered my ringing desk phone. “How can I help you?”
“Good morning, Denim. I hope you’re working on that special assignment. If you weren’t going to be able to wrap it up promptly, you should have just said that, and I could have assigned someone else to the file. You assured me you could get this done.”
I rolled my eyes at the nasal voice of my superior, who was now breathing into my ear as if he’d just run a marathon. “And I meant what I said, sir. You gave me a timeframe to have it done, and if I’m not mistaken, I’m still in that window.” I was trying so hard to keep the attitude from seeping through my voice.
“I know what I gave you. This case is big and?—”
The clearing of someone’s throat caused me to snap my head up from my computer screen. Before me was Nate, looking like the fine man he knew he was. Dressed in a cream button-down and burgundy slacks, he looked like he’d stepped straight out of a magazine. His lineup was so clean you’d think the barbershop was in the lobby. Regardless of the weird space we were in, he was still fine as hell.
“Denim!” Hearing my name shouted in my ear caused me to jump, but I didn’t take my eyes off Nate as he placed his hands in his slacks and looked around my office. “Did you hear what I said?”
“Not at all,” I answered honestly, my eyes still on him. “I have a guest, so I have to go. I’ll be in touch.”
“I hope I’m not interrupting,” Nate said, his back to me as I disconnected the call. He walked over to the window and peered at the people below. “I’ve been calling you all morning.”
“As you know, I don’t arrive at work until after nine.” I swiveled my desk chair around to face him. “What are you doing here? It’s been days since we’ve spoken.”
Slowly, he turned to face me, and my breathing hitched slightly. Nate was a very attractive man, and his energy was, at times, suffocating, and not in a good way. His face remained neutral as he made slow strides toward me. Standing directly in front of me, he lifted my chin and brought my eyes to meet his. He stared at me momentarily before he dropped his lips on top of mine. Tonguing me down, with dominance, I couldn’t help but reciprocate his actions.
“I’ve missed you…” he spoke between pecks as he gripped my cheeks. “Why haven’t I seen you in three days?”
Although he and I were still getting to know each other, I felt he was too aggressive with me at times. I’ve been enjoying the company and adult conversations, but his smothering me early on was a red flag that I wasn’t ignoring. He’s been very vocal about us having sex, but we haven’t gotten close to crossing that line since the house situation. A big part of me was screaming not to have sex with Nate, but every time I thought about our first encounter, I couldn’t help but drool over us going all the way.
“I’ve been giving you space to miss me…” I said with a smirk, hoping that would suffice. “The night I came over was a little weird, but I guess we can move past it. Maybe you could come to my place, and I can cook for you this time.” I tried to push back and put space between us, but he wasn’t allowing it. “What’s wrong?” Eyeing me intently, he angled his head and just stared. His hands lowered from my cheek to the top of my breasts, and goosebumps formed along the way. “Nate…”
Instead of answering, he continued his quest and unbuttoned the top of my blouse, allowing my black, laced bra to be on display. Glancing toward the door, I was thankful it was shut and locked. With my eyes trained on him, I waited for him to make his next move.
“You know you’re sexy as hell?” He licked his bottom lip as he freed my right breast from its cup and pinched my nipple. “We could be having a lot of fun together, but you want to duck and dodge me.”
“Nate…” I moaned as his free hand made its way under my skirt. I knew he could feel the heat radiating from my middle because I was turned on something serious. “What are you doing?”
He shrugged as his hand continued to creep up my skirt. “Had you answered my calls, I wouldn’t have to come to your job to do this. Now, I’m going to have to do here what I wanted to do inside the privacy of my home.”
Before I could object, he was sliding my panties to the side and easing his middle finger into my pussy. My walls instantly clenched at the intrusion. Gripping his wrist, I threw my head back and bit my bottom lip to keep from screaming out.
“Please,” I begged as he moved in and out of me slowly. “W-We can’t do this here.”
He smirked as he continued his assault, inserting another finger, causing me to buck. “Too late, love. The quicker you come, the quicker I can go. You gone sit here and tell me what I can’t do, or are you gonna give me what I came for and send me on my way?”
“Ugh!” I cried out as he dropped his head onto my chest and damn near swallowed my entire right breast. I palmed the back of his head and rocked against his fingers as he continued to invade me. I’ve never been one to do this in a work setting, but he caught me off guard. I wasn’t putting up much resistance because part of me wanted this—a part that was larger than I cared to admit.
“That pussy so fuckin’ tight,” he mumbled into my breast as he latched on like a newborn. “I knew this pussy was going to be something serious from the moment I saw you.” His hand moved faster and faster, and so did my hips. “Go ahead and give it to me, Dee. Give me that nut, girl.”
Holding onto his wrist for dear life, I locked my legs and began to tremble as his fingers fucked me to ecstasy. Throwing my head back, I shut my eyes tightly and bit into my fist to keep from crying out. Even though Jasper and I were the only ones in this office, I still didn’t want him to hear my screams of pleasure.
“Shit!” I panted as I came down from my release, still trembling at the hands of him. “Fuck, Nate.”
He chuckled as he kissed my chest. “Not yet, but soon. Good thing you have a bathroom in here… you made a mess.” Pulling his fingers out of me, I watched as he placed them on his tongue and licked my juices clean as his eyes stayed on mine. “Just as sweet as I remember. Check it… I have to go out of town for a few days, but when I come back, I expect to see you.” Smirking, he bent down and placed a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll call you later.”
Dazed, I watched as he walked across my office and left the room. He didn’t even look back to see if I was okay. I sat there and thought about what happened before I came to my senses. Jumping from my seat, I hurriedly went into the bathroom to get myself together as best as I could. As I washed up, I eyed the flustered woman in the mirror and cursed at being so weak. One moment of pleasure could have jeopardized so much, and it wouldn’t have been worth it. After reprimanding myself, I left the en suite bathroom and cursed once I locked eyes with a smirking Jasper in my office.
“You still don’t wanna tell me the tea on Mr. Nate?” He crossed his arms and eyed me. “You might not want to say anything, but the way he had you moaning, I bet your coochie does.”
Ignoring Jasper, I cursed myself once more and went back to work. What happened with Nate was a mistake I wasn’t too sure wouldn’t happen again. He said he’s going out of town for a few days, which gave me time to get things in order and ready for his return. He told me he was going to see me when he got back, almost as if I didn’t have a choice. Little did he know, I had a surprise already waiting for him. He seemed to be all in about me, and I was hoping he was ready for the next phase in our little relationship as much as I am.