Page 44 of Dream On

“Um…you don’t have to do that. Really, it’s fine.” Cotton balls confiscate my mouth. “I’m going to get a part-time job after the holidays so I can earn some money for a car. My sister works at this diner. They’ve been hiring—”

“Are you going to Natalie’s after-party?”

I frown through the swift subject change. “Oh…I was thinking about it, actually.”

Lex studies me for a beat as if he wants to say something, as if he wants to say more than he says. “Cool.”

“Are you going?”

“No. I hate parties.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.” He shuffles through his pocket and removes a pack of cigarettes. Shaking the box, he watches as three cigarettes wiggle around inside. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I—” My words itch to topple off my tongue, but I catch them before they fall. I want to ask him about that kiss. That barely kiss. I want to ask why he doesn’t like parties, why he seems so agitated today, why he comes over to my house to practice lines when we practice so much here at school. Why he’s cold sometimes, why he held my hand on the roof that night and didn’t feel cold at all. Why he shows himself to me and then hides away again before I can truly see all of him. But my courage dissolves, and I bite down on my lip instead. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lex.”

He doesn’t look at me as he turns away.

I watch him light the cigarette before he even reaches the door.

***

Two days later, I’m walking home from school, texting Misty about Thanksgiving break plans. I’m feeling good as the prickly wind beats acrossmy face, fused with drizzle. The temperature hovers around forty-five degrees, not cold enough to turn into snow just yet, but it’s a promise of the winter wonderlands to come.

I love cold weather: hoodies, beanies, snuggly socks, and fireplace warmth. Give me snowflakes over summer sweat any day.

I glance down at my cell phone as I swerve toward my property over the hill.

Misty: Want to go to the city with me over Thanksgiving weekend?

Me: Thanks, but I’m headed to Milwaukee to visit my aunt. Thanksgiving is a big family ordeal around here.

Misty: Boo.

Me: Sorry. But I’m considering going to Natalie’s party after opening night. Want to tag along?

Misty: Gasp. You’re a party animal now?

Me: I feel like I should be there, being one of the leads and all.

Misty: Well, I’m down. Is Lex going with you?

Me: He wasn’t interested. Why?

Misty: Natalie has, like, 20 empty rooms in her house.??

Me: …

Misty: You do the math.

Me: The math says you’re delusional.

Misty: Come on, you don’t want to go off to college a virgin, do you? He clearly likes you. Make him go.

My face burns despite the November air nipping at my cheeks.

I swallow down a sticky lump.