Page 11

SAINT

I lay there in the darkness, listening to the rumblings of my Drake.

He was mostly silent now, in a kind of dream state that he mostly entered at night.

I had often wished he would enter it more often.

It was much more peaceful when he was “sleeping”—though I did still feel his dreaming emotions, like catching the murmurings of a madman as he sleeps.

I didn’t know what to do, but I felt I needed to talk to Avery.

He deserved to know the truth about my Drake and his past crimes, though he had been kind enough not to ask.

But I had to wait until he came to bed—I couldn’t speak to him in front of the rest of his Coven.

I couldn’t even speak to him in the light, I decided.

It was better to have this conversation in the darkness—easier to tell him what I needed to say when I couldn’t see the horror that would surely appear in his eyes as clearly as I could have, if the lights were on.

So I waited until he came into our room and slipped off his robe and slippers and slid between the sheets. His bed was directly beside mine, with a nightstand separating them, and his movements were quiet and stealthy, as though he was trying not to wake me.

I took a deep breath, trying to nerve myself for what I had to say. He probably didn’t want to talk to me at all, but I owed him an explanation and I would be damned if I was too cowardly to give it.

“Avery?” I made myself say, my voice a low rumble in the dark. At least it was all my own, without the double echo of my Drake’s voice behind it. He still slept, thank goodness.

He jumped, his bed creaking at his surprised motion.

“Saint?” His voice was higher than my own but still mellifluous. I liked the way it fell on my ears. In fact, I liked everything about him, I admitted to myself, which was probably one reason why it was so hard to know that he probably hated me now.

“I…need to speak to you,” I said, uncertain how to put things. “I know you don’t want me to, but there are certain things we need to talk about.”

He stiffened, going rigid beneath his blankets.

“If you’re worried I’ll try to jump your bones just because I’m a ‘lover of men,’ please don’t be,” he said icily.

I knew what this particular euphemism meant, but it surprised me he would bring it up now.

“I’m not worried about that,” I told him. “But I think I owe you an explanation.”

“For saying what you said, you mean?” Avery demanded. “Don’t worry, Saint—I’ve heard everything I need to. I’m going to be moving out to another room tomorrow. I just didn’t have time to gather all my stuff tonight.”

“You’re moving, are you? Ah…I’m not surprised.

” But his words still felt like a punch in the gut.

I was glad my Drake was asleep and hadn’t heard him.

“I suppose you’re going because you fear me,” I added.

“I don’t blame you at all, though I promise my Drake would never harm you as he… harmed the others.”

Killed, more like—but I couldn’t bring myself to say the word.

In the dimness of the room, Avery frowned at me.

“What are you talking about? I’m moving out because of what you think of me—not because of your Drake. Though I admit it is kind of scary to have him, uh, like me so much,” he added in a low voice.

“He feels very protective of you,” I murmured. “Very…drawn to you.”

Inside a little voice asked me if I was talking about my Drake being drawn to him…or myself. I pushed it away.

“Yes, I could tell,” Avery said, frowning. “Sorry about that. It must be hard for you to have your Drake being drawn to someone you can’t stand yourself.”

“What?” I sat up in bed, looking over at him. He was lying on his side with his head on the pillow but even in the dimness of the room, I could see the unhappy look on his face.

“You heard me. I know what you think of me now—what you really think of me,” he said.

I shook my head.

“What are you talking about? I thought you were the one who would think badly of me after what was said in the Headmistress’s office.”

“What was said?” he snapped, sitting up himself and glaring at me. “What was said was that you are not a ‘lover of men’.”

“Well, I’m not,” I said, somewhat surprised by his vehemence. Though when I said it, I couldn’t help feeling somewhat uneasy, as though part of me disagreed with the statement somehow.

“Yes, but I am.” Avery thumped his chest with a fist. “I’m gay, Saint—and I’ve known it since I was a little kid. I know the other Drakes hate me for what I am—well, except for Ari and Kaitlyn—but I thought you were different.”

“I am different from Gonzales and his thugs!” I protested. “Just because I am not a man-lover doesn’t mean I hate you for being one!”

“You sure about that?” Avery raised his eyebrows at me. “The way you said it—the look on your face—I thought…” He shook his head and looked down at his hands, which were still wounded from the rope burns. “I thought I disgusted you,” he said in a low voice.

My heart seemed to fist in my chest and I yearned to go to him—to prove, somehow that I didn’t hate him—that I could never hate him. But I couldn’t—I was too afraid that he might hate me as well.

“You could never disgust me, Avery,” I told him. “The way my Drake feels for you…” I trailed off, looking down at my own hands. “I thought you must hate and fear me ,” I said softly. “After what happened in the gymnasium today and…after what Coach Vasquez said.”

“You mean when she said that your Drake had…” He cleared his throat. “Had killed people?”

“Yes,” I said shortly, still afraid to look at him.

“Well…did he?” Avery asked.

I nodded, my stomach clenching as I wondered how he would think of me when he knew the truth. But I had to tell him.

“He did,” I said. “It was because my father wanted someone to tame him—a female. He was determined to defy the curse the bruja had put on me and my Drake, even before I was born.”

“Why were you cursed?” There was no condemnation in Avery’s voice, just curiosity. I took heart at his tone and was able to look up as I answered.

I told him about how my father had killed one of his lieutenants and how the man’s l’lorna had been a bruja that dealt in black magic.

“She swore that my father’s sins would be visited upon his only son,” I told Avery.

“She said that my Drake would be a Blood-Drake that no female could tame or control. But my father refused to listen. I think he thought he could break the curse if he only tried hard enough. And…he was angry that I showed no interest in girls.”

“You didn’t?” Avery arched one dark blond eyebrow at me. “I mean, who did you show interest in?”

I shrugged.

“No one, really. Girls have never interested me—probably because of the curse.”

“So you think you don’t like, er, girls because of the curse the witch put on you and your Drake?” Avery asked, frowning. “Did you ever have an interest in other guys?”

I frowned.

“I told you I’m not a man-lover. I did have a friend—his name was Diego. We spent every waking hour together. And then one day…” I stopped, unable for a moment to go on.

“One day what?” Avery prodded gently.

“One day I woke up in the morning and went to find him, only to hear from a neighbor that he and his family had been banished from the Western Province,” I said tightly.

I was surprised how much it hurt to remember that.

I hadn’t thought of Diego in years. But now the feeling of intense loss came over me once more and I found I had a lump in my throat.

“Banished by who?” Avery sounded like he already knew.

“By my father, of course,” I said bitterly.

“I think he was afraid that because I only wanted to be with my friend and showed no interest in the girls he was always shoving at me, I might be a lover-of-men. He thought that by sending Diego away, he was removing any temptation I might feel to commit…unnatural acts.”

“When he really just took your only friend,” Avery said softly.

I nodded, looking down at my hands again.

“My Drake liked Diego, too. Not as much as he likes you ,” I added honestly, glancing up at him. “But he liked him—and he likes almost no one. So he was already angry—so angry— when my father decreed that the daughters of all the nobles should be gathered for me to choose from.”

“Uh-oh,” Avery murmured. “I can’t imagine that ended very well.”

“It ended with three girls dead and two mortally wounded,” I said shortly.

“I tried to hold my Drake back but I wasn’t strong enough.

You can’t know what it was like, to watch as he killed and mangled them while I was unable to stop him.

” I curled my hands into fists, squeezing tight as I forced the words out.

“I tried… Dios , Avery, I tried so hard but he wouldn’t listen … ”

I shook my head, feeling sick to my stomach. Even talking about that terrible day made me want to hide my face in shame. I had been too weak to stop him—too weak to save them…

“God, Saint…that’s terrible.” His voice was hoarse and I saw him shifting uncertainly on the bed.

“For a long time after that, I wanted to take my own life,” I told him in a low, toneless voice that barely seemed to be my own. “For why should I live when my Drake had killed so many?”

“Saint…” Avery shifted again. Leaning towards me, he got an earnest look in his blue eyes.

“Look, please don’t take this the wrong way because there’s nothing, er, sexual about it.

But if Emma or Kaitlyn or Megan was telling me something like this, I’d want to give them a hug.

And I feel like…I mean, you look like you could use a hug yourself right now.

So can I…?” He trailed off, looking at me with eyebrows raised in question.

“You…you still want touch me after what I just told you?”