Page 48 of Don’t Say You’re Sorry (Hawthorne University #2)

EASTON

A xel wasn’t going to come to Sunday dinner today. When I asked why, he said it was because Adam didn’t want him there. I told him to stop feeling sorry for himself and get in the car. He flipped me off, but he wasn’t that reluctant to follow me out of the house.

Whether Adam likes it or not, he loves his older brother, and Axel and I know that. It’s going to take time, but Axel’s not going to earn his forgiveness by hiding and avoiding him.

Axel got in my car where Adam was waiting, and Adam didn’t react. He was too busy staring into space, his brows low. He didn’t speak the entire time I drove us to our parents’ house.

Even now, as he sits next to me at the dinner table, he’s barely saying a word, only speaking when spoken to.

My dad got called into work for an emergency this morning, so it’s just the four of us.

Veronica and Axel are sitting opposite us, and I know they can sense that something’s off with Adam as well.

Veronica wants to ask, but she won’t in front of me and Axel.

She’ll wait until she can talk to Adam privately.

Axel’s assuming it’s because of him, but I know better.

It’s something else. I just can’t figure out what exactly.

After we finish eating, Axel begins clearing the plates. Just as I’m about to get up and pull Adam away for a minute, he says, “Mum,” interrupting whatever she’s saying to Axel.

She turns to Adam. “Yes?”

He told me once that all it would take is five words. Five words, and our lives as we know it would fall apart. He also told me he’d never be able to say them.

But he says them now.

“I’m in love with Easton.”

The fork Axel’s holding clatters to a plate, making Veronica startle. She bounces her eyes between me and Adam. Adam doesn’t flinch, looking her dead in the eye. I sit here like a dumbass with my mouth hanging open.

“I love him, and I want to be with him,” Adam says. “I mean, I am with him. We’re together. But I wanted you to know about it so that we can be together in public. I don’t want to hide anymore. I want us to be happy. I want Easton to be happy.”

Oh my God.

Veronica says nothing. I don’t think she knows what to say. I don’t either. Should I laugh? Should I tell her he’s sick and drag him out of here before it’s too late?

I do none of those things, frozen as I watch it play out.

“Mum, I’m s—” Adam stops himself. “I’m not sorry for loving him, but I am sorry if it hurts you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

She finally speaks. “Hurt me?”

“Yes. Because I’m in love with Easton…” he says slowly. “Did you not hear me?”

“I heard you. All three times.” She smiles a secret smile. “I’m glad you finally figured it out, sweetheart.”

Oh boy.

“What?” Adam frowns.

Jumping into action, I push my chair back and stand. “Adam, can I talk to you for a second?”

He grabs my hand and pulls me down, never taking his eyes off his mom. “You know ?”

She gives him a patient look. “Adam, you have each other’s handwriting tattooed on your chests. Sunshine . That’s what you call Easton, isn’t it?”

“How do you know that?”

She lifts a shoulder and takes a sip of her water. “You said it in front of me once.”

“And you didn’t say anything?” he demands.

“Why would I?”

The question seems to enrage him. “Oh, I don’t know, Mum. Maybe so I wouldn’t break his fucking heart to protect yours.”

“ Adam ,” I bite out.

He snaps his lips closed.

Again, Veronica looks from me to her youngest son. “Excuse me?”

He sits back in his seat, furious, though his voice is quiet.

“Why do you think I left? If you knew I loved him, why didn’t you stop me?

” His voice cracks on the last two words, and I reach for his hand under the table, squeezing it tight, trying to ground him somehow.

I wish there was something I could do to take his pain away, but what’s done is done.

All I can do is stay by his side and wait with him until the storm ends.

“You told me you needed to get away,” Veronica says gently. “I thought you were leaving for you. I thought you were too afraid to admit how you felt about him.”

“I was, but not to myself. I knew I loved him. I wanted to love him. The only thing I was afraid of is what us being together would do to you.”

She looks at me then, and I drop my eyes, unable to witness the hurt in hers.

“Does Michael know that you know?” Adam asks.

Veronica shakes her head. “I never told him anything. I wanted you two to be the ones to do that, if and when you were ready.”

“Un-fucking-believable,” Adam grits out.

“What?” she asks. “What are you not telling me?”

Adam looks at his brother. Axel looks terrified.

Straightening up, Axel clears his throat. “Michael and I…”

I quickly shake my head. As much as it pains me, we’ll have to come up with a lie. We’ll have to think of some other explanation?—

“We thought you’d be devastated,” Axel goes on. “We forced Adam to move to London with me. We wanted to get him away from Easton.”

“You what?” Veronica seethes.

I sit beside my stepbrothers on the front steps outside, listening to the sound of Veronica yelling at my dad inside the house.

He walked in just as she was tearing Axel a new one, and he knew he was fucked.

I’ve never seen him look so scared. I’ll bet the only other time he’s been that horrified is the day he got the call telling him my mother was dead.

Veronica told me and the boys to go home, but we couldn’t leave. Not without making sure she’s okay first. Not without knowing where we all go from here.

I wince as her voice gets louder, coming closer. She must be right behind the front door.

“They’re my children, Michael. Easton is mine too. And you purposely broke his heart to protect your own.”

“I was protecting yours?—”

She cuts my dad off. “Fuck my heart! Do you know what Adam leaving did to Easton? Do you know how many times I caught him staring into space, missing the boy you sent away?”

There’s a long pause. “Yes,” he says eventually. “I know.”

“And you did nothing.”

“No, I didn’t, but?—”

The front door gets torn open from the inside, and the three of us jump.

“Wait.” My dad panics. “Veronica, please don’t leave.”

She opens her mouth—probably to tell him to go fuck himself—but stops short when she catches us siting here. Her face heats with a mixture of anger and shame when she realizes we heard her. “I told you to go home.”

Sheepish, we say nothing.

Veronica steps around us and goes to her car on the driveway, tossing an overnight bag inside.

Axel stands. “Mum, where are you going?”

“Out.”

“Mum—”

“Axel,” she says, doing her best not to lose her shit all over again. “I love you, but I can’t talk to you right now. Go home with your brothers.”

She gives Adam and I one last look before she gets into her car and drives away.

My dad hangs his head, his hands clutching the back of his neck. I want to ask if he feels it—the unbearable pain in his heart. I want to tell him that’s what he did to me—to us —but I won’t kick him while he’s down. He’s kicking himself enough already.

Axel sits and pulls his knees to his chest, resting his chin on top. It reminds me of when he was younger.

Gritting his teeth, he stares after his mom. “I told you this would happen.”

“It wouldn’t have if you’d just stayed out of it,” Adam snaps, glaring between him and my dad. “This is on you two, not us.”

My dad stares at me.

Axel throws his hands up. “How was I supposed to know she’d be fucking fine with it?”

“Did you know?” my dad asks, his voice raw. “Did you know she’d be okay with you and Adam being together?”

I avoid his gaze when I say, “I had a feeling, but I wasn’t sure until he was already gone.”

THREE AND A HALF YEARS AGO

I’m sitting in the dark on the living room floor, my back against the back of the couch in the apartment Adam and I were supposed to move into.

I got the keys this week. I was going to surprise him today after Axel left for London.

It was supposed to cheer him up. Our freshman year doesn’t start for another three months, but I wanted us to move in early so we could spend the summer here, just him and me.

Finally, we’d have a place where we didn’t have to sneak around and hide the way we felt about each other.

Where we could just be together, unafraid and unashamed.

But now he’s gone. And all I’m left with is this cold, empty apartment and the drawing he left me.

Sunshine,

I’m not sorry.

Love, Adam x

I throw it across the floor.

It’s dark outside. I have no idea how long I’ve been sitting here, calling and texting him and getting no reply. It feels like hours.

“Easton?” a panicked voice calls, and I tense, holding my breath. “Easton, I know you’re in here.”

Fuck . It’s Veronica. She sounds worried sick. Has she been out looking for me all day? She tried to call me a few times, but I didn’t answer. I texted her that I was out with friends and would be home later. Clearly, she didn’t believe the lie.

There’s no time for me to hide before she rounds the couch, her shoulders dropping with relief. That relief is short-lived when she sees whatever look is on my face.

“Easton,” she whispers, taking a cautious step closer.

My face crumples as two tears slip down my cheeks. When I speak, I almost choke on the words falling out of my mouth unbidden. “He left me, Mom.”

Her lip trembles as she sits beside me and wraps her arms around me. I hide my face in the spot between her neck and shoulder, and she rubs my back, just like she used to do whenever I got hurt when I was younger.

“Is there anything I can do?”

I stare at the drawing on the floor across the room. “Can you call him? He’s not answering me.”

She hesitates, and it makes me love her even more.

“You don’t have to make him speak to me if he doesn’t want to. I just want to know he’s okay.”

She takes her phone out, calls his number, and presses it to her ear. I hear the faint sound of his voicemail picking up. It doesn’t even ring.

He’s already on the plane.

Veronica wraps her arms around me again. She holds me until I stop crying.