Page 48

Samantha

The ground beneath my feet feels so distant as we walk away from the pier. The world around me is surreal, dreamlike, enveloped in a shimmering haze while the salty sea breeze caresses my face, carrying with it the promise of a new beginning. I glance down at our intertwined hands, his grip firm and reassuring and so very real, and yet something I have to look at, and squeeze, time and again just to remind myself it’s there. Each time I do, out of the corner of my eye, I see his lips quiver, a small tick upwards in that cocky smile I love so much.

A warmth blooms in my chest, spreading through my body like liquid sunshine. It's been so long since I've felt this way — loved, protected, cherished. For years, I've been the pillar of strength for others, always putting on a brave face, always being the caretaker, always helping them put their lives back together. But living under this false identity, simply existing as Emily in this lie of a life, has chipped away at my soul until I wake up every day feeling hollow, purposeless.

But now?

I smile.

I steal a glance at Diesel's profile, strong and determined, and I'm struck by the realization that for the first time in what feels like forever, someone is truly taking care of me. When I needed them the most, someone — Diesel — came to take care of me.

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, but they're not born of sadness or despair. They're tears of relief, of joy, of a hope I'd thought long extinguished. I squeeze Diesel's hand once more, so tight it hurts, and he turns to me with a grin that makes my heart skip a beat.

"You okay?" he says.

I’m not. Not yet, at least. But for the first time, I feel as if, soon, I will be. With him, I might be better than okay, even. My eyes meet his, and I nod, not trusting my voice to remain steady. As we make our way back to my apartment, my mind races with a whirlwind of emotions. Relief and love and hope swirl within me, but they're tinged with an undercurrent of fear, because, beneath the hope that his presence bring, there are memories of how we left each other and the fog of war that clouded our turbulent time in Ironwood Falls.

What would it really mean to be with him? And what about going back to Ironwood Falls with Diesel, if he asks? The mere idea fills me with both longing and dread. Longing for the sense of belonging, the family I found within the motorcycle club, but dread at the thought of stepping back into the war that rages between them and Victor Moretti's gang. I've seen firsthand the destruction and heartache that conflict brings, and a part of me recoils at the prospect of being caught in its crosshairs once more.

As we walk, I close my eyes for a moment, trying to think, and on the back of my eyelids I see my brother’s face — bloody, battered, eyes-shut, dead.

Can I face that?

Can I return to that life? One filled with love, with family, yes, but one filled with dead bodies and the overwhelming terror of violent war.

I glance at Diesel again. He seems so certain, so determined to face whatever lies ahead. But am I ready? Am I strong enough to let go of the false identity I've clung to like a life raft in a storm-tossed sea? It’s been hell living under this false name, but it’s been safe, too.

We enter my small, sparse apartment and Diesel guides me to sit down on the worn couch. He kneels in front of me, his strong hands gently cupping my face. His eyes bore into mine with an intensity I've never seen before, and I am transfixed by the depth of emotion swirling in their blue depths.

"Samantha," he says. "As soon as I heard about the car wreck and realized there was only one victim, I had hope that you were still alive. I've spent every moment since then searching for you, refusing to let you slip away like Brandy did. I knew I couldn’t really live again until I found you."

My breath catches in my throat at the mention of his ex-wife. I know the pain he carries from losing her, the guilt that haunts him, the self-inflicted agony he suffers at even the mention of her, but in this moment, all I see is the love and commitment shining in his eyes, the unwavering devotion that I've never experienced before.

Tears spill down my cheeks as he continues, his thumbs brushing them away with a tenderness that makes my heart ache. "I love you, Samantha. I've loved you for longer than I even realized. And I will let nothing tear us apart again. Not Victor, not the club's war, nothing. I want you to come back to Ironwood Falls with me. I want us again. I love you."

His words wash over me, filling the cracks in my heart that I thought would never heal. I lean into his touch, savoring the warmth of his skin against mine. For the first time in years, I feel truly seen, truly loved.

But even as joy swells within me, the shadows of fear still linger at the edges of my mind.

"Diesel," I whisper, my voice trembling. "I'm scared. Going back to Ironwood Falls, facing the war with Victor... I don't know if I'm strong enough."

He leans forward, resting his forehead against mine. "You are the strongest person I know, Samantha. You've survived so much, and you've never lost your heart, your compassion. That takes a strength most people can only dream of."

I close my eyes, letting his words sink into my soul. He's right. I have survived. I've endured unimaginable pain and loss, and yet here I am, still standing. Still capable of love, of hope.

"I'm not alone anymore, am I?" I murmur, more to myself than to him.

"No. You're not alone. You have me, and you have the club. We're your family, and we will always stand by your side, no matter what."

I gaze into his eyes, searching for any hint of hesitation or doubt. Does he really want me? Really? After all that I did to him? After everything I did to myself after — becoming this pathetic shell of a person? This fake life is one I made for myself, and the best I could do is put together something so terrible that even I want to end it. He can’t want me. I stare deep, expect to find something — a glimmer of a lie hidden in his eyes — but all I find is unwavering love and determination.

He takes my hands in his, his touch gentle yet firm. "Samantha, if you come back to Ironwood Falls with me, I promise I'll take care of you. We can start a new life together, build a future that's just ours."

“Do you really mean that?”

"Do I really mean it?” He pauses, releases a short laugh that he ends by kissing me so deep that I’m left with a smile on my face. “Fuck, Samantha, I need you like I need air, like I need food, like I need this fucking thing in my chest to keep beating,” he says, and places his hand over his heart. “Finding you has allowed me to finally let go of the part of my past that's been haunting me for years. I've been carrying the weight of Brandy's death all this time, but now, with you, I feel like I can live again. I want to build a life with you, to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Come back with me."

I look around the small, dingy apartment that's been my hiding place for so long. The faded wallpaper, the threadbare couch, the flickering light in the kitchen that I never bothered to fix. It's a place where I've existed, but not truly lived. A place where I've been hiding from the world, from my past, from myself. I’ve built myself a prison, and I’ve been punishing myself every day for what I’ve done.

And now, the man that I hurt the most is here to end my sentence.

Fear still coils in my gut. The memories of the violence, the loss, the pain, they threaten to overwhelm me. But as I gaze into Diesel's eyes, I see a future, a promise of love and belonging that I've been aching for.

I want him.

I want the love he's offering, the compassion, the unwavering devotion.

I want to feel like I belong to something again, to be part of a family that will stand by me through thick and thin. The yearning in my heart grows stronger with each passing second, eclipsing the fear that has held me back for so long.

I've been so lost, so alone for so long. But with Diesel, I feel like I've finally found my way home. Home to a place where I can be myself, where I can be loved for who I am — flaws and all.

Tears stream down my face as I nod, my voice trembling.

"Yes. I want that. I want you, Diesel. I want to be with you. I love you.”

He pulls me into a warm embrace, his muscular arms enveloping me, sheltering me. His lips touch my ears. “I love you, too. Come on, let’s go home.”

“Let’s go home.”