Page 2 of Did It Have To Be Gnomes?! (Carry A Faerie #1)

The males and females both had long beards, so you couldn’t tell them apart unless you came across one that didn’t wear clothes, and you got a sight you couldn’t unsee.

The things used anything they could find to make loincloths, although some did more elaborate clothes, but one thing they always had, even if they were running around naked, were hats.

They loved to make hats out of anything and everything they could find.

House gnomes used small pieces of fabric, buttons, newspaper, cardboard, and whatever else their little grabby hands could find and steal—part of the reason they were such annoying and invasive pests.

Garden and forest gnomes used whatever they could find outside—anything from pebbles to acorns to flowers and leaves.

They were one of the most common pests people had in their homes.

Which meant I had to face them nearly every day.

But usually, I had time to prepare, and I could build up my courage before having to catch the gross creatures or go collect a trap to transfer them to a gnome sanctuary.

I definitely hadn’t expected one to be under my freaking net just now. What the hell was it doing?

Probably trying to steal something, the damn, gross thing.

I quivered again, thinking about its eyes staring up at me and the little meep of noise as it screamed at the same time I yelled.

My whole body shuddered as I tried to shake it off, now more than ready to get out of this attic before that thing came back with all its friends.

My eyes were wide as I walked back over to the bird cage, gaze scanning every inch so I wasn’t caught unawares again.

I didn’t have my gnome kit up here with me—I’d left it in the truck—so I couldn’t even defend myself against them if they jumped at me… not that they usually did that. It was an irrational fear, but one I couldn’t help.

As quickly as I could, I grabbed the cage, peeked inside to make sure the sweet firebird was okay—she was, although her little face made me feel guilty for some reason—then hightailed it out of there.

I carried the firebird out to my truck, turned it on so the AC was blowing, and set the cage on the passenger seat.

Luckily, the homeowner came out to meet me, and I had him sign some paperwork.

“When I was cleaning up, I saw a gnome come out of a hole in the corner of the attic,” I told him.

He grimaced. “Shit, really? Those things are cute as hell, but they’re a pain in the ass.” Ew. No, they’re not. He ran a hand through his hair. “Can you take care of them?”

As much as I didn’t want to deal with the gnomes, I also didn’t want to leave this guy hanging dry either.

He was good people, even if an impatient asshole, and had called me because he wanted to make sure the firebird was helped rather than killed.

I was grossed out, but I wasn’t that much of an asshat.

I nodded. “I have some traps I can set before I leave, if you want?”

He nodded. “Yeah, hopefully you can catch those fuckers before they get too bad. I better let my wife know to put any of her nice clothes in bins so they can’t rip them up.

Those little shits ripped through her wedding dress a few years ago.

Still don’t know how they got through the dress bag it was in. ” He shook his head.

“If they see something they want, they can be pretty determined.”

He grimaced. “So I’ve seen. Your traps work well?”

“Yes. Each trap can hold up to twenty of them at a time. I’ll set those out now, and if they fill up too quickly, I’ll bring back some bigger ones in a few days when I come to collect them. Have you noticed any other signs of them? Any nests or droppings or anything?”

He shook his head. “Nope.”

“Hopefully, they’re just settling in then. Let me go set the traps real quick so I can get her out to the sanctuary. Do you want traps anywhere else? Or just the attic?”

“I don’t know where else to put them, so just the attic for now. Thanks.”

I gave him a nod and grabbed some traps from the truck bed. I had a truck with a canopy on the back with my business logo on the sides and back. When I’d quit my job five years ago and decided to start this business, some of the first things I’d done were buy a truck and make a logo.

My company was called Carry A Faerie Pest Solutions.

Pest Solutions was written under Carry A Faerie, and there was a little pixie lying across the letters in Faerie and another pixie on the last letter of Solutions .

And there was a… a… gnome hanging out on the bottom curve of the C.

As much as I despised gnomes, they were a main source of my income, so it made sense to include them on the graphic.

I had a love-hate relationship with my logo. I had a few magnets at home that I’d taken whiteout to, covering up the gnome so I didn’t have to look at it every time I went fridge foraging. Whiteout to the rescue!

Across my truck’s tailgate, I had an actual tagline that I also put on stickers, postcards, magnets, and anything else I bought to hand out, but it was so tacky. Or at least, I thought it was… simply because I’d come up with it.

Have a faerie problem? We’ll clear your home for good, the humane way, and Carry A Faerie away.

Every time I looked at it, I cringed. Was that too cheesy? Or was it… cute? I didn’t know. But it was what it was at this point. I had it printed on way too many things to change it now.

I checked on the firebird and murmured, “I’ll be right back, sweetheart.”

She let out a little noise that twisted my heart and made me feel awful for leaving her in the cage.

“I’m sorry, pretty girl, but I have to take care of the gnomes. I’ll be right back.”

She let out the noise again, and it killed me to leave her.

With a sigh, I locked up my truck, leaving it running with the AC on, and headed back inside, keeping my fingers crossed that I didn’t have to see any more of the little gross gnomes today.