Page 44 of Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend (Catching Feelings #1)

But I’d already made the sacrifice. I made it easy for Mom to leave, for Patty to stay away, until he had his own near-fatal car accident only a few months later. Then I helped him, too, but his recovery was lightning fast. Dad and Patty were both stable within months. Certainly within a year.

Did I really never call Boston back?

My family didn’t need me anymore. I held myself back. Made myself their fallback plan, whether they asked it or not.

Same as with Serena.

Back in high school, when Serena ended things the first time to be with Tucker, I told her I’d wait.

“You know where to find me.”

I didn’t fight for her. Didn’t ask her to fight for me. Never even told her where to go or how to get there. Instead, I told her exactly what to expect from me: a willing doormat without the self-respect to get up and walk away.

And now I’m doing it again. Because that’s who I am.

Trevor sees it. Otto already knows it.

I’m dependable.

The guy they “know what they’ve got” in.

I turn the water from hot to freezing cold and stand under the nearly icy water, letting it steal my breath.

Why am I still chasing this?

Why am I auditioning for the main character when even I think I’m supporting cast?

The sooner I accept that, the better.

Hours later, I climb into the stiff twin bed in the dorm-style housing they’ve stuck us in. I plug in my phone, and the second it buzzes with Kayla’s name, I answer.

“Hey, hot stuff,” she says, her face lighting up the screen. She’s wearing a soft pink headband, something green on her face, and her hair is wrapped in a towel like a cinnamon roll. Behind her, I can hear music and laughter, and … is that karaoke?

“Hey,” I say, a genuine smile tugging at my lips. “You doing okay? You look like you were mugged by a spa.”

She gasps. “Rude! This is high-level self-care, I’ll have you know. Clementine dragged Scottie and me to a ladies’ fellowship spa night. Delia brought margaritas in a blender shaped like a flamingo.”

I chuckle, but it’s too tired. “You never know what chaos you’ll find at a ladies’ fellowship night.”

“Hey, are you okay?” She cocks her head to the side, and her brow wrinkles. A crack forms in the mask on her forehead. “You look tired.”

“I am. Long day.”

“But it went well, right?”

I hesitate just a beat too long.

She walks out the door and away from the party. I can’t make out the background except for trees and a lamppost. “Tell me everything.”

I shift the phone to my other hand and lean back against the wall. “It was fine. Just a tough first day. They ran us through a bunch of drills. My legs were toast from all those late nights cuddling my wife, but I found my rhythm by the end.”

“Of course you did,” she says, too confident. “You’re you.”

I close my eyes for a second, hating how little her words help. “There’s another goalie they’re trying out. Ryan Hall. He’s 22 and just a baby. He was sloppy, but his energy had Trevor and Otto over the moon.”

“What? Why?”

“They said he’s raw, but they like his reflexes and instincts. High ceiling, they said. Could be ready in a year. And I get it. Hall’s young. He’s got time to develop. I’m already … what I am.” My voice trails off.

She nods thoughtfully. “What’d they say about you?”

“I’m ‘dependable.’ ‘We know what we’ve got with O’Shannan.’”

She lights up. “See? That’s amazing. They trust you. You’re solid.”

My stomach twists. I don’t know what I wanted her to say, but it wasn’t that.

“Right,” I say. “Solid. Reliable.”

Her brow furrows, and a few flecks of her mask fall from her face. “Cap, that’s a good thing. They know they’re getting quality every time you get into the crease.”

“Is it bad that I want to wow them? Just once, I wanted to blow someone’s mind with my skill.”

“What if your consistency is what blows people’s minds?

“So I’m predictable?” Pain overtakes my throat.

“No, not predictable. You’re … you’re like a metronome. You keep the beat and hold everyone to a high standard.”

“So I exist to keep other people going?”

“Not like that. How about a high-end battery?”

“People can put me in their devices when they need something. Got it.”

“Sean. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying you—everything about you—builds trust and confidence.

Constancy, not just consistency. And certainly not predictability.

” She pauses and looks away, and then a smile ticks the corner of her mouth up.

“You’re that warm hug waiting after a long day at work.

That favorite hoodie that always fits perfectly and makes you feel cute,” she says, not knowing that everything she’s saying is making me feel worse.

Is that really how she sees me? Like a warm hug? Like a hoodie? Hoodies and hugs don’t win contracts. And they sure don’t keep your heart from getting ripped out when the woman you love decides she’s too bored to put up with you for another minute.

“You’re not a failsafe; you’re a foundation.”

Her words were meant to comfort me. And on another night, maybe they would.

But right now, they feel like confirmation.

Like even she sees me the way Otto does.

A dependable placeholder until someone shinier’s ready.

The boring slab of rock you can build a house on and then forget it even exists.

The floor you walk on, you step on, you track dirt and mud across with no regard for how it feels to be tread upon day after day after day.

I force a smile. I’m glad my room is dark, or she’d see right through it. “Thanks. How was the rest of your day?”

She pauses, clearly sensing the shift but not sure how to push. “Good,” she says carefully. “Cleanup went okay. Serena was… Serena. But Eunice and Loretta had my back.”

“That’s good,” I say, eyes on the ceiling. “I’m glad.”

“You’re sure you’re okay?”

I nod. “Yeah. Just tired. I think I’m gonna hit the sack.”

She hesitates. “Okay. Well … I miss you. So much.”

I nod again, even though she can hardly see it. “Miss you, too.”

She leans closer to the screen, smiling and blowing me a kiss I wish I could feel. “Sleep well, Cap.”

“You too, Boss.”

I hang up before she can see my throat close up.

Before she can see me fall apart.