Page 25 of Devlin (Lighthouse Security Investigations Montana #4)

Mia’s heart had been pounding ever since she’d sat on her bed, facing Devlin.

The air in the small, container-like room felt stifling, pressing down on her.

She instinctively knew that whatever they talked about tonight would alter both their lives.

Yet in truth, her heart had been hammering from the moment she’d first laid eyes on him again.

But in her wildest dreams, she’d never imagined the words that had just come out of his mouth.

He hadn’t cheated. The shock of it stole her breath and left her momentarily frozen as her mind struggled to process.

Others might whisper that he was lying, but Devlin never lied.

That had always been one of his defining traits.

It was why, if he had opened his mouth and told her the truth ten years ago, she would have believed him. But he hadn’t.

He’d let her suffer. He’d let her grieve their relationship, their love, and their future. He let her believe he had destroyed it with another woman in their bed. And now, this?

She stared at him, unblinking. Not because she was overwhelmed with relief—there was none.

No weight lifted off her chest. No breath of fresh air filled her lungs after a decade of suffocating pain.

If anything, the air grew heavier, thick with another layer of betrayal.

She grappled with the bitter truth that he had let her believe the worst, knowing the agony it would cause.

There was no relief in this confession, only another layer of betrayal.

He had known what she thought, what she’d gone through, and he’d let her.

Let her hate him. Let her mourn him. Let her leave.

And now, his unwavering gaze remained locked onto her, the tight clench of his jaw revealing his own turmoil.

His hands flexed open and shut, a nervous tell she had learned years ago.

Her thoughts tangled, unable to settle or land anywhere except on the unshakable truth. He had broken her then, and now he was twisting the knife all over again.

The blanket around her shoulders suddenly felt suffocating. She let it drop and straightened her spine. “I think you should leave.”

He blinked, then shook his head as he stood. “No, Mia. I’m not leaving.”

Her chest tightened at his defiance, at his absolute gall to stand there and act like he had any say in this. Her jaw locked, and she could barely spit out, “You’re not leaving?” She stared in disbelief, her gaze sharpening into something lethal.

His arms spread wide, palms up in a pleading and insistent gesture.

“No, I’m not. That’s the whole problem, Mia.

I let you walk away ten years ago thinking the worst, and I’ve hated that ever since.

But I told myself that by doing so, you could live your life, and I had to deal with it, even though it hurt both of us. ”

She let out a sharp, humorless laugh. “Hurt both of us?” she echoed. “You have no fucking clue what I went through, Devlin. None.”

He swallowed hard but pushed forward. “I wrote you a letter?—”

She jumped to her feet. Her scoff cut through the air, sharp as a knife.

“A letter? A goddamn apology letter that didn’t explain anything other than you were sorry it ended the way it did!

Do you hear yourself? You let me believe I wasn’t enough, that I wasn’t worth the truth, and you think a ‘gee, I’m sorry you’re hurt’ letter was supposed to fix that? ”

She stepped closer, her anger vibrating under her skin, nearly unbearable. “Tell me something—when you wrote it, did you intend to send it? Or was it just something you did to make yourself feel better? Another way to justify letting me go?”

He winced. “I realize it wasn’t enough to repair the damage. And I get that… it was stupid of me.”

Her heart twisted painfully, fury warring with something dangerously close to devastation.

He held her gaze as he pointed down at the floor. “But, Mia, we’re here. Right now. Together,” he rasped. “Don’t you think that means something?”

Mia inhaled sharply through her nose. “Maybe it means I should have my head examined for even listening to you,” she growled.

“You know me?—”

“I used to know you?—”

“No, you know me,” he ground out. “There are things about us that aren’t the same, but deep inside, you know me.

” His voice dropped to a low intensity, his words forceful like a storm about to break.

“If I thought for one moment that the best thing for us was for me to walk out that door right now, letting you hate me, I would do it. But what we had was worth fighting for, and I didn’t fight for it years ago.

If you don’t think it’s providence that we randomly ended up in the same place, at the same time, on the other side of the fucking world, then I know you’re lying.

And one thing about you, my Mia, is that you don’t lie. ”

Her heart clenched so tightly in her chest that she winced, and she plopped down onto the side of the bed again, afraid her legs would no longer offer support.

Her nails dug into her palms, rage bubbling along every nerve because part of her did know him.

That was the problem. Because if there was one thing she could still do after all these years, it was fight.

And if Jim Dev thought he could just walk back into her life, say a few words, and expect everything to fall into place—oh, no.

Mia felt the air shift as Devlin crossed the small space. His long strides ate up the distance between them before she could react. He sank down beside her on the bed, one leg bent, the other foot planted on the floor as if he belonged there.

His nearness was suffocating. The warmth of his body and the quiet confidence in his posture was too much. It stirred something deep in her, something she had buried beneath layers of bitterness and self-preservation.

“Let me have it,” he said softly.

Her gaze snapped to his. “What?”

His expression didn’t waver. “Let me have it. Yell at me. Cuss me out, up one side and down the other. Tell me how you feel and how you felt back then. I didn’t give you the chance to do that.

I let you walk away, and I’ve asked myself why I didn’t explain for years.

Why I didn’t fight for us. The problem was, I was too fucked up to do any of those things.

So I let you go.” His voice roughened. “But I’m not fucking letting either of us walk away right now. ”

Mia trembled, the shiver starting deep and spreading like wildfire throughout her body. She opened her mouth, ready to scream at him, to unleash every ounce of pain she had swallowed for a decade. But nothing came out.

Her entire life had been about fighting—for justice, for others, for what was right. But now, with the man who had once been her whole world sitting barely a foot away, the words stuck in her throat. Overwhelmed, she closed her eyes.

The bed shifted, and she thought that he was getting up to leave.

Instead, warmth brushed over her shoulders.

She startled, eyes flying open as he gently pulled the blanket around her again, his fingers lingering for half a second before retreating.

He leaned back, resuming his position as if nothing had happened.

The tenderness of the gesture made her stomach twist painfully. It was such a small gesture. After all these years of nothing, why did he suddenly decide she deserved comfort? Where was this care and thoughtfulness when she had been breaking apart from the inside out?

Some might say it was too little, too late. Perhaps, years ago, it would have been. But they weren’t those same people anymore. She inhaled deeply, filling her lungs before exhaling slowly. His scent filled her. When she opened her eyes, he was still there. Still waiting.

“Why did you leave the SEALs?” she asked. The question surprised even her. Of all the things she could have said, those were the words that came out.

Devlin didn’t hesitate. “Four years after you and I… after I let you go, I was on another mission that went fubar. I was shot in the chest?—”

She gasped, one hand flying to his knee as though anchoring herself to him. “Oh my God.”

He didn’t react to her touch. He didn’t acknowledge the way her fingers curled against him like she could somehow turn back time and undo what had happened.

“I went down before reaching the helicopter. We were under enemy fire.” His lips pressed together briefly before he sighed.

“Logan turned back for me. He managed to get me up and carry me toward the bird, where Sisco and the others waited. Then there was an explosion. Logan took the brunt of it, and I crashed down on top of him. He tore his knee to hell, but the others dragged us in.” His expression tightened, eyes distant.

“Sisco went to work, shooting Logan up with enough morphine to keep him comfortable. Then he worked on me. He saved my life. They both did.”

A breath shuddered from Mia’s lungs, but she couldn’t stop the tears that slipped down her cheeks.

I could’ve lost him. I could have lost him without ever having this chance—to argue, to talk, to figure things out.

For ten years, she had hated him, resented him, tried to forget him.

But if he had died? If she had never gotten the chance to see him again… Oh God.

She pressed her free hand against the ache in her chest, her other still gripping his knee as if she could tether herself to this moment, to him.

“I’m so sorry, Jim,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

He shook his head but hesitantly reached down. His hand covered hers, warm and solid. He squeezed, just barely, before letting go.

Mia exhaled slowly, trying to steady the riot inside her.