Page 31

Seventeen

M om raised her wineglass. “A toast to our blended family.”

Reluctantly, Julia raised her glass and clinked with Alex, then Carson. Yep, these were the faces she’d see around the dining room table at Thanksgiving, the tree on Christmas morning, the picnic table on the Fourth of July.

Jesus, she was so screwed.

Carson’s white shirt sleeves complemented his emerging tan. His resort clothes hung loosely on his big frame. She could attest to his underlying casual strength. He’d heaved and held her in multiple positions this afternoon without wobbling once.

“Are you okay, Julia?” Alex asked. “You’re redder than a macaw.”

She gulped her rum punch. “Fine.”

If it weren’t for the breeze cutting through the restaurant’s open windows, her face might explode into flames.

“So, Bo,” Mom said, “are you planning to sell your home in Baltimore?”

He dipped his chin. “Yes. My sister, Delilah, is buying it.”

“That’s wonderful. How much profit will you clear?”

“Mom,” Alex interrupted, “we don’t talk about money at the dinner table, remember?”

The childhood rule made Julia smile. For once, she wasn’t the one enforcing it to keep the peace.

“Fine, fine.” Mom brushed Alex’s admonishment aside. “Delilah’s your twin sister, isn’t she? Do twins run in your family? You two will make such beautiful babies, but you’re not getting any younger. The clock’s ticking.”

Julia held her breath and a giggle as she widened her eyes at Alex.

Mom was unhinged. As kids, she and Alex didn’t know their mother’s tactless questions were considered rude.

When their friends pointed it out, the sisters had convinced Mom to soft-pedal her thoughts.

But with family, she dropped the pretense.

Silver lining—she must’ve already considered Bo and Carson family.

“Great questions,” Alex said. “We’ve decided to have seventy-three children. Also, I am getting younger. The doctors are baffled.”

Julia blew out her lips as Bo and Carson chuckled.

“Oh, you.” Her mother placed her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her latticed hands. “I know you think I’m too blunt, but I’m trying to get a sense of you as a couple.”

“We’re good,” Alex said and grabbed Bo’s hand.

“Very,” he said.

The shiny adoration on her sister’s face was reflected in Bo’s. Her heart was happy for them. That was how an engaged couple should behave. But a shard of jealousy wedged itself in that happy heart, because they could be open in their affection.

Julia poked her food and surreptitiously eyeballed Carson’s hand. He circled his thumb around his wineglass’s rim, just like he’d circled her nipples under the waterfall.

“Yoohoo, Julia,” her mother singsonged. “How’s the job search?”

She stabbed the fish. “In the same spot it was when I left LA. I’ll send out fresh applications when I’m back in Ithaca.”

“How do you live there?” Alex shivered. “I can’t stand the cold.”

“This time of year’s nice. Fifties, and the fall leaves are beautiful.”

“Exactly. Frigid.”

Julia sipped her rum punch. “I’d like to move back to warmer weather someday.”

“Are you dating anyone?” Mom asked. “What about that Roberto fellow you ran around with here? High school crushes burn bright. I think we always carry a torch for them.”

Julia choked on her cocktail. Carson patted her back until her coughing fit subsided.

“’S’cuse me,” she wheezed. “I need to powder my nose.”

“I’ll come with,” Alex said.

Groan. Perfect. When she wanted advice, Alex was a ghost. Today, when she wanted to be left alone, Alex’s sandals flop-slap flop-slapped after the clicks of her own fussy heels.

Inside the ladies’ room, Julia locked herself in a stall.

She closed her eyes and massaged the anxiety-reducing pressure point between her thumb and index finger. She needed to regroup. If she sat here quietly, maybe Alex would get bored.

“Juuules. I can talk to you through the door.”

Dammit.

With a sigh, she slid the latch and opened the stall. Her big sister was a lunatic if she thought they were having this conversation, out loud, in a public restroom. She found her trusty tube of lipstick in her purse. A creamy swipe of bold pink always made her feel invincible.

Alex parked her hip against the sink. “Anything to share?”

“Nope.” Julia popped her lips on the p .

“So, taking our stepbrother to Secret Falls doesn’t warrant a sisterly conversation?”

Double dammit. She knew Alex caught that.

“Did you suffer from sunstroke again, Alex? You should wear hats on your tours.”

“We both know Secret Falls is actually Secret Sex Falls.”

“I don’t know what to tell you.” She dabbed her shiny nose with powder.

Alex slapped a dramatic hand to her chest. “I can’t believe my sister, my flesh and blood, is lying to my face.”

Julia crossed her arms. Best defense is a good offense.

“Why do you think I’m lying?”

“Because you’re terrible at it. Do you remember Lydia?”

Julia’s stomach dropped. Ugh, she shouldn’t have eaten so much fish.

“Your friend from Bronson?”

“That’s right. She messaged me to tell me Carson Miller is in Belize. She had a huge crush on him in high school, which I convinced her to squash because you said he was an asshole. He posted a picture of himself and hashtagged it #BelizeDreams.”

“So what?”

“The picture was him standing at Secret Sex Falls with a huge smile.”

Her breath came fast. “He…he posted a photo?”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Alex clutched her shoulders, grounding her. “ Him at the falls. That’s it. Not you, and nothing incriminating. I’m the only person who can put two and two together.”

Alex’s calming grip and tone snuffed out Julia’s brewing anxiety.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you for ages,” Alex said. “As nuts as Mom is, I’m glad the wedding’s here. I haven’t been a big sister to you since I returned to Belize.”

“You’ve been fine,” she lied. “Dad and everything after…it’s been rough for both of us.”

Even if her sister was about to tell her something she wanted to hear, Julia wanted this to end fast. Other people’s discomfort made her cringe more than her own. So the quicker she could absolve Alex, the better.

“Let me own this,” Alex said. “I didn’t have answers or advice, so I avoided talking about Dad, and Mom’s relationship-o-ramas, how much I struggled with the business, and how challenging school was for you.

If I could do it over, I’d stand shoulder to shoulder with you and we’d talk through it all.

The best I can do today is promise to do better. ”

Something eased in Julia’s chest.

“I’d like that,” she said.

“You might not. I practice tough love, so let me offer you some recently acquired pearls of wisdom.”

“Oh, so we’re starting this now?”

“Yes, hush.” She locked eyes with Julia.

“Sometimes the bad, illogical, impossible ideas are the best ones. I resented Mom for leaving Dad, but I get it now. At a certain point, you need to live your life for you . I’m not saying go full hedonism, but don’t put yourself last on your unending task list, okay? ”

Tears welled up in Julia’s eyes.

No one had ever told her to prioritize herself.

Sure, there were the #SelfCare threads on social media, but they always seemed like a sales tactic for wineries and yoga retreats.

But Alex had been there with her. She understood the burdens they’d had to bear.

So, despite their different life paths, Alex understood Julia on a bone-deep level.

If Alex was telling her to prioritize herself, consequences be damned, she must’ve meant it.

“That’s not easy,” Julia said.

“Why?” Alex said. “Julesy-girl, go for what you want, no apologies.”

“What if it hurts someone, though?”

“The only person I’m worried about is you. If he’s who you want, it’s okay to make that choice. Except…” Alex chewed her lip.

“What?” Julia said.

“I’m not retracting anything, but maybe keep this Carson thing under wraps until after the wedding? Otherwise Mom will make it about her.”

Julia knew what Alex meant all too well.

At her eighth grade science fair, Mom met Julia’s Biology teacher, Mr. Z. Instead of celebrating Julia’s first-place win, Mom complained the whole ride home that Julia hadn’t told her she had an attractive eligible bachelor for a teacher. They dated for the six most awkward weeks of Julia’s life.

Then there was the summer she’d worked as a spa attendant at the Waldorf Astoria, and she mentioned that Mom’s favorite Bollywood actor was staying there and got a facial.

She’d thought it was a fun piece of celebrity gossip, but guess who’d shown up three nights in a row to hang out at the Rooftop?

And oh, cringe , that Thanksgiving that she’d stayed in Ithaca and couldn’t pick up Mom’s call. So Mom called the hotel’s main number, asked for Julia’s boss, and asked him to find her. Why? So Mom could brag about how well dinner had turned out.

“That’s good advice,” Julia said.

“Told you I’ve turned a corner. See you back at the table.”

Alex understood she needed a minute to process her thoughts. Her exaggerated people-pleaser tendencies meant she was so tuned into other people’s emotions that she paused her personal feelings until she was alone.

She scrolled on her phone until she read today’s affirmation on the Positively Productive app. Hmph. It was like it was written for her. Fuck, it probably was written for her. She could totally see Carson texting his friend to do him a solid.

“I’m unafraid of what might go wrong,” she read aloud. “I’m excited about what can go right.”

Untrue, but she was getting there.

Carson’s social media post still raised her hackles. She shouldn’t have cared what people say on the internet, but she did. More than she should’ve, which was why she wasn’t on social media. But she couldn’t ask Carson to delete the photo without seeming like a weirdo. Best to let it go.

One more pink swipe, and she left the bathroom.

As she returned to the table, Mom said, “ There you are. I was about to send in the rescue squad.”