Page 61 of Desperate Pucker (Denver Bashers #6)

Maddy

Iknock on my dad’s closed office door.

“Come in.”

When I walk in, he’s sitting at his desk, frowning at his phone.

When he looks up, his brow lifts in surprise.

“Madeline. What are you doing here?”

I hold up my phone and walk over to his desk. “Did you say this about Ryker? That the only reason he’s on the team is because he’s in a relationship with me?”

He leans back like he’s been shoved. “What?”

I stand over his desk and play the clip of the podcast on my phone. Slowly, he stands up.

My heart thuds in my chest as I watch his face, tracking his expression.

His eyes widen as he listens to Bobby Baker claim that the only reason Ryker is playing for the Bashers is because he’s sleeping with me.

Even though I’ve already heard this, it still stings. For me and for Ryker. I hate that people think he’s not good enough to play. I hate that they think that someone could just sleep with me to play for the team. And I hate that one of those people might be my dad.

I watch as his brow lifts. I watch the way his eyes widen. I watch the way his lips twist in disgust.

“Madeline, what is this?”

“Bobby Baker’s podcast. He just released an episode tonight insulting Ryker’s performance. He says that you told a source that the only reason he’s even on the team is because he’s sleeping with me.”

My dad’s fair complexion goes pale. “You really think I’d say that?”

My chest goes tight. So does my throat.

“I want to believe that you wouldn’t. But honestly? I don’t know.” My voice breaks at the end.

I take a breath to steady myself. Emotion swirls through me like a tornado. All the pain and distrust and anger I’ve been harboring for him my whole life is surfacing right now in this moment.

He swallows, like he’s about to be sick.

“You think I would say about one of my own children?” He sounds like someone knocked the wind out of him.

“Can you blame me? You don’t treat me like your other kids, Dad.

You didn’t spend as much time with me. You don’t talk to me like you talk to Preston and Claire.

” My throat aches with the urge to cry, but I push past it.

“My whole life, I’ve felt like a task that you had to deal with.

I don’t feel loved by you. I don’t feel like you want to be in my life the way that you’re in Preston and Claire’s lives.

I feel like you threw money at me because you didn’t know how to be present for me as a father. But that’s all I ever wanted.”

Hot tears fall down my cheeks. The muscles in my neck and shoulders are tight with a lifetime of holding this all in.

“That’s why you gave me this job, wasn’t it? You felt like you owed it to me because you weren’t a good dad to me. So yeah, part of me feels like you would keep the man I love on your hockey team as an unspoken favor to me, the daughter you never really wanted.”

His gray-blue eyes go glassy with tears. His mouth wobbles before he lets out a heavy breath.

“Oh, Madeline.” His voice is shaky. He blinks quickly, like he’s trying to hold in his tears.

He closes his eyes for a long second. When he opens them and looks at me, his gaze is pained. “I need you to understand something. My biggest regret in life is what a terrible father I’ve been to you.”

I’m quiet as I take in the shock of his words. I never, ever thought he’d admit that.

“I’m not a good person, Madeline. I know I’m not. And I know you already know that. It’s clear from how I’ve treated you. And your mother.”

He swallows hard. “If I could go back and do everything over, I would. I know that doesn’t mean anything to you right now, but it’s the truth.

I would have ended things with Preston and Claire’s mom before I went off and tried to pursue a relationship with another person.

But I was a selfish and cowardly man for a long time.

I only thought about myself and my feelings.

” He goes quiet for a long moment. “I don’t say that to make an excuse or to make you feel sorry for me.

I don’t deserve anyone’s sympathy, least of all yours.

I say that because I want you to understand that none of this is your fault.

All of it is mine. I’m the problem. I always have been. ”

I’m silent as I take in his words.

“You’re right. I didn’t spend as much time with you as I should have.

I didn’t treat you the same as Preston and Claire.

And I deserve to suffer for the rest of my life for that.

But you’re wrong about one thing, honey.

I love you with all my heart. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I’ve loved you. ”

My throat aches as another wave of emotion pummels me.

“I didn’t know how to have you in my life without hurting Preston and Claire. So I focused on them. And I’ll never forgive myself for that. Ever. Because it cost me my relationship with you. I’ll regret that forever.”

He swallows hard, wiping the tears on his face with the sleeve of his dress shirt.

“I believe you,” I say quietly.

His eyes widen. “You do?”

I nod. Even though I’m still hurt and angry at him, I can tell he’s not lying.

This is the most emotion he’s ever shown me, and I can tell it’s honest. It’s real.

It doesn’t make our strained relationship magically better, but at least I know that he loves me.

At least I know that he’s sorry for what he did.

He steps forward and pulls me into his arms, hugging me tight. Slowly, I wrap my arms around him.

This is the longest we’ve ever hugged. It’s a little weird, but it also feels good. I can tell just how much he’s wanted to hold me like this. It’s obvious in the tightness of his embrace, how he doesn’t let me go.

When he finally does let go, he steps back and looks me in the eye. “I didn’t make that awful comment about Ryker and you. I swear I didn’t.”

I go quiet for a long moment.

“I believe you.”

His shoulders fall when he exhales, like he’s relieved. “I don’t even think that about Ryker. I like him a lot.”

“You do?”

He nods. “He’s an excellent hockey player. But most importantly, he seems like a stand-up guy. The way he stood up for you at Casino Night impressed me a lot.”

A warm feeling swoops through me thinking about that.

“Any man who would defend you like that has my respect.” He’s quiet for a long moment. “After Casino Night, I told Preston and Claire that they need to change how they treat you. No more snide comments. No more leaving you out of conversations and important events.”

“You did?”

“Yes. I should have drawn that line with them years ago. I’m ashamed that it took me this long to do it. But when Ryker told me off, it finally knocked some sense into me.”

He’s right. He should be ashamed. I wish he had done this years ago. But it gives me a small burst of hope that he’s trying to make things better now.

He clears his throat. “You’re in love with Ryker?”

“Yeah. I am.”

“He treats you well?”

I nod. “The best.”

A small smile pulls at his lips. He gives my arm a soft squeeze. “Good.” He sighs. “I’ll handle this mess with that podcaster.”

“Thank you.”

I turn to walk off.

“I love you, Madeline.”

I stop and turn around. “I love you too.”

I take in the brightness in my dad’s gaze, how surprised and happy he is to hear me say that.

I can’t remember the last time I said that to him. I always hated saying it because it never felt sincere—it felt like something I had to say.

But I don’t feel that way anymore.

Even though he’s apologized for how he treated me, I don’t think we’ll ever have a normal father-daughter relationship. I’ll always be angry with him for how he treated my mom when she was pregnant with me, and how he wasn’t there when I was born. That’s unforgivable.

But we’re both ready to move on and create something better than what we’ve had. And that’s enough for me to want to give him another chance to be in my life in a meaningful way.

When I walk through the open doorway of his office and turn to leave, I spot Ryker standing off to the side, staring at me with a dazed look on his face.

“Hey.”

He blinks at me and swallows hard. “Hey.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk to your dad about the podcast that Bobby Baker just aired.”

“Oh…” I focus on his furrowed brow. He looks confused. And a little freaked out.

“How long were you standing out here?” I ask.

He clears his throat. “A while.”

My stomach sinks. “How much did you hear?”

“Everything.”

That means he heard me say that I love him.

Nerves fire off inside of me. Oh no. That’s why he looks so freaked out right now. It’s way too soon for me to tell him that I love him.

“I know what you must be thinking—”

He grabs me by the waist and cuts me off with a kiss.

And then he says, “I love you too.”