Page 99 of Desperate Justice

Suddenly she understood, perhaps because she’d felt the same kind of purpose and calling.

“And that’s why you became an FBI agent. Your family must be proud of you.”

He snorted. “They expected me to join the family business, not be a cop like my dad. My mama especially hated the fact I wanted to follow in my old man’s footsteps. They kept nagging me to change professions, even though I’ve advanced through the ranks to become an SSA. I’ve thought about changing careers, but it felt all wrong.”

Allison wiped her mouth, gambling on not triggering him. But she felt the need to point out the obvious, even if he couldn’t see it himself.

“Because you want to go after the bad guys, the drug dealers who kill innocents. You want justice for his death. By following in his footsteps, you’re making up for losing him, and you feel you can never measure up until you catch Hernandez.”

Rafe glared at her, his dark brows drawn together. He looked ready to leap across the table. Allison lifted her chin, waited for a response.

“Never, ever use Hernandez and my father in the same sentence. My dad was a hero. Hernandez is a spineless coward who took out two of my men. Two good agents with families who will never be the same again.”

He shoved aside his plate of half-eaten chicken. Allison plucked a leg off the plate and gnawed at it.

“You’re one to walk, Lexington. You’re a nurse who’s stuck to her sister’s side out of misplaced obligation for her life for the rest of her damn life.”

The chicken suddenly tasted like cardboard. She set down the leg carefully. “What did you say?”

“You’re not her keeper. You keep defending her as if she’s a saint. She’s a grown woman, Allison.”

She bristled. She didn’t want to hear the truth. Hell, she didn’t know what she wanted. “I saved my sister’s life and...”

Suddenly the stress of the day kicked her in the gut as if she were reliving the past all over again. Allison scrubbed at her face, trying to hold the tears at bay.

“She’s all I have.”

He turned contrite, his expression softening. “We’ll find her. But you have to let go at some point. You’re not responsible for her actions.”

“I am! It’s because of me...”

“What?”

Now she did wipe away a stray tear. “I almost didn’t do it. Didn’t save her.”

He didn’t say anything.

“When the kayak flipped, she screamed for me to help her. I-I hesitated. My sister needed me and I froze. She was going under, her head bobbing up and down and I was treading water, thinking only of myself. How I didn’t want to die. There was a tree branch that caught her and it held her for a minute, enough time for me to come to the realization that if I didn’t try, I’d watch my only sister drown.”

“Ally, you saved her,” he said gently.

“But I almost didn’t!”

“Cut yourself some slack.”

“I can’t! My parents would have died if Di drowned. They always loved her more than me, and if I let her die...”

Her voice dropped. “They wouldn’t love me anymore. Not that they seemed to care much about me anyway compared to Di.”

“Did they ever say they loved you?”

“Yes, but...”

Rafe shook his head. “Stop beating yourself up. You’ve spent your entire life trying to make up for the fact you had a human moment, Ally. You did save your sister. You can’t save everyone.”

She gave a smile filled with misery. “I can try. Isn’t that why you do what you do? Because if we stop trying, and let the bad guys win, or the car accidents or the diseases or injuries, who’s going to stop it? If good people like you don’t care, then evil wins.”

His mouth worked as if he struggled with something. Inner demons, perhaps, like she did. “Yeah, you’re right.”