Page 1 of Desired Hearts (Bachelor Pact #2)

DELANEY

Cedar Falls, Finger Lakes Region, NY

Two minutes ago, I was on top of the world. Or at least, on the top of my StairMaster game. Feeling empowered. Strong. Back to my old self. Just like that, with the start of a new song, tears sprang from seemingly nowhere, unbidden. My chest tightened. Shoulders sagged. Steps slowed.

I will not cry.

Unfortunately, I knew better than that. So before embarrassing myself—the gym was packed this time of day—I jumped off and headed down to the locker room. In what felt like the only break I’d had all month, it was empty. Letting the tears flow should have felt good… A necessary release.

But nothing about this breakup felt good, certainly not the fact that one stupid song brought me immediately back to one month ago when the thought of never talking to Makis again, never having answers as to why he texted “I don’t think this will work out.

Would like to stay friends though” had me struggling to get out of bed three days in a row.

I had to get out before someone came in. Grabbing my coat and keys from the locker, I pulled my “Good Vibes Only” hat down further and bolted to a freezing-cold car. After a few more minutes of ugly crying, I felt enough in control to try my friend Jules. No answer.

Another press of my phone button and Pia’s voice flooded the car.

“Hey there.”

Her cheeriness was all it took to remind me that, despite pretending otherwise, I hadn’t felt like myself in weeks. Months, actually. By the end, Makis was acting so strange, our long-distance relationship causing me so much anxiety, that my friends and family had started to notice.

That’s the thing about having a “bubbly” personality and wearing your heart on your sleeve. When you weren’t feeling it, everyone could tell.

“Oh, Delaney. Where are you?”

“In my car,” I said.

“Driving?”

“No. Sitting in the gym parking lot.”

Thankfully I didn’t have to tell Pia I’d had to jump off the StairMaster and bolt out of there like someone was giving away free cupcakes in the parking lot. Which, to be honest, wouldn’t be a bad way to get people to the gym. Counterproductive maybe, but…

“Did he contact you?”

“No,” I clarified. “A song reminded me of him.”

“Oh. Well, that will happen.”

“I deleted every playlist I made when we were together. I guess it snuck through.”

“There’s no way to get rid of every single reminder. You guys dated for nearly eight months.”

“On and off.”

“Sure, but more on than off. It will take more than a few weeks to heal. Give yourself some grace.”

“I’m trying,” I said in earnest. “It just…” My cheeks stung. I squeezed my eyes shut, new unshed tears escaping. “This sucks so much. My heart hurts.”

“I know it does. But try to remember how he made you feel these last few months. How often he made you feel poorly. You deserve someone who does just the opposite.”

I took a deep, steadying breath. “I deserve to be loved, not dismissed and discarded.”

“Yes,” she said, knowing that was my new mantra.

“I make mistakes and have moments of weakness, but the people who are meant to be in my life love me either way, and I am worthy of their love. It’s time to look forward and not backward.”

“You got it. Just keep reminding yourself of that. Saying it over and over.”

“This is so damn hard.”

“But won’t last forever. You just have to get through the tough days.”

“It’s feeling like wine Wednesday.” I’d planned on using the night off at the pharmacy to clean my jewelry and makeup drawers, get my apartment organized. But I felt like doing that now about as much as I felt like going back into the gym to finish my workout.

“There’s a couple checking in today. We’re slammed at the inn. But text Jules a time and a place, she was talking about going out tonight too.”

“Will do,” I said, wondering for the millionth time what I would do without my friends.

“Oh, and also…”

I waited for my friend’s words of wisdom.

“Makis is a giant asshole. So there’s that.”

I laughed. “True statement. See you later.”

Hanging up, I got a look at my pale, tear-stained face. Winter sucked. Makis sucked. Men in general? Suck. Suck. Suck. I was not getting myself into this situation ever again. The whole “it’s better to have loved and lost than never loved before” was bullshit.

I was done with love.

Forever.