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Chapter 5

Psyche

A s the daughter of a powerful Alpha, Psyche was no stranger to parties and gatherings. Indeed, pack life was all about socialization. In the beginning, being constantly surrounded by people was discomfiting, as she was always second-guessing herself when it came to reading body language and deciphering social norms. Nonetheless, with help from her therapist and learning about coping mechanisms, she adapted. And while she did not enjoy herself, she had enough experience to navigate tricky situations.

However, tonight’s dinner party was like a riddle she could not solve. Some parts didn’t fit, while some seemed to be missing.

But she knew what caused her puzzlement.

Or rather, who .

“You don’t have to walk me all the way back,” she said to Eros as they left the Alpha’s house.

“It’s dark. You might trip or something.”

“I’m a shifter. I can see in the dark,” she stated matter-of-factly.

“Does my touch bother you?” He withdrew his hand away from her, which had remained on the small of her back this entire time. “I’m sorry, I didn’t ask your permission.”

“No, it doesn’t bother me.” Indeed, he’d been so respectful this entire time, and she’d gotten used to his touch. “But I guess it’s okay if you walk with me.”

“Well, do you want me to?”

“I…I guess.” A million questions filled her mind. Her fingers itched to reach for her phone, to log on to Aspie Forum and read the page she had saved from a few days ago.

“Here we are,” Eros announced as they reached the door of the pack house. “So, I’ll see you at brunch tomorrow?”

“You’re coming?” Her heart hammered in her chest.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?”

“Agnes didn’t invite you.”

“And so?” He grinned at her. “I’ll come by here at nine twenty-five sharp.” With a wave, he turned on his heel and strode off.

Her fingers drummed lightly on her thighs as she dashed inside, racing up to her room. Sitting on the bed, she took her phone out and opened Aspie Forum on her browser to her last search.

A friend is someone…

Her eyes moved along the words, ticking off boxes as she read the list, her fingers tightening on her phone. In the last couple of days, and after tonight, he ticked off more of those boxes, plus a few more things that weren’t on the list.

Does that mean he was also more than a friend?

Does he like me?

While some might think people with autism didn’t have sex or weren’t interested in it, that was far from the truth. In fact, Psyche liked sex. In college and grad school, she had had several lovers. However, she had been more interested in the physical aspect of sexual intercourse, plus the health benefits. In bed, there were no words to be misconstrued or subtle actions she had to decipher. Everything was straightforward—you liked something or you didn’t, it felt good or it didn’t, it got you off or it didn’t. She’d never really spent extended time with the guys she slept with outside of the bedroom, as she had been focused on her studies.

A different thought entered her mind, and she typed a different query.

What is a boyfriend?

As the checklist came up, she realized that it was quite similar to the “friend” list, but with a few more items:

Physically affectionate with you

Wants to spend significant time with you

Protective or concerned for your physical, emotional, and mental well-being

Wants exclusivity and only wants to be with you

Communicates thoughts and feelings and concerns with you

Sexually intimate with you

Wants to know what makes you comfortable

Puts your well-being above theirs

Plans for the future with you

Eros was certainly checking off some of those boxes. He had been quite touchy with her, which she didn’t mind. Even though he didn’t have to come to dinner, he went with her anyway. Then, he walked her all the way back to the pack house as he was concerned for her safety.

Did he like her? In that way?

She supposed there was one way to find out. So, the following day, as they walked to the parking lot where the Alaska pack kept their communal vehicles, she asked him.

“Eros, do you like me?”

His normally confident stride stuttered as he tripped over his feet. Thankfully, he managed to balance himself before he fell over. “I beg your pardon?”

“Do you like me?” she repeated the question.

He picked off a piece of lint from his T-shirt. “It’s a too little early in the morning to be so blunt.”

“I’m always blunt. I have to be,” she reminded him. “So? Do you like me? In a romantic or sexual way?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Oh.” A small twinge rippled across her chest. “Okay.” That answered her question.

His silvery-blue gaze bore into her. “What is this about?”

“It’s just that you were acting weird last night. You wanted to spend time with me, were affectionate, and you walked me home.” She had gone through the events in her head over and over again, compared it to her list, and came to the same conclusion—that he did in fact, like her romantically—but apparently she was wrong. “But, I appreciate your honest answer.”

“I—my honest answer?” He laughed aloud. “Oh gods, Psyche, I was messing with your sisters when I did those things.”

“Messing with them?”

“Yeah.” He placed his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him.

She lifted her head, meeting his silvery-blue eyes. “How?”

The corner of his mouth quirked up. “I know you have these rose-colored glasses on when it comes to them, but as a completely objective outsider, I can confirm that they are, in fact, selfish assholes.” The warmth of his hands as they gently gripped her shoulders penetrated through the thin fabric of her shirt. “Agnes means well but seems to think she knows what’s best for you, without even trying to understand who you are and your needs. Meanwhile, Christine is obviously very jealous of you.”

“Jealous? Of me?”

“Yes. I bet she always wanted what you had and took it—toys, attention, maybe even boyfriends?”

“I mean, it’s not like I was playing with my toys all the time.” The gears in her mind began to turn. “But there was that time I got first place in the provincial science quiz competition. We were supposed to celebrate by going to my favorite restaurant, but she suddenly got sick. She said she had a bad tummy ache and we ended up having to take her to the ER.”

He smirked at her. “And boyfriends?”

“Well…when I turned eighteen, there was this boy from another family in the pack. Dave Millet. We started hanging out and stuff, and I thought he liked me but…”

“But?”

“One day, he came to the house for dinner and met Christine. She just came home from college and hadn’t seen him before and…” Her cheeks burned hot at the memory. “I found them outside on the terrace, making out.” Dave had said “it just happened” and was apologetic, but Christine…her expression reminded her of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland, particularly the grin it left behind as it faded away.

“See? She’s been doing it all her life and has absolutely no remorse nor does she care about your feelings.”

A different ache filled her chest. “But she’s my sister.”

“I’m not saying she doesn’t love you.” His fingers tightened their grip on her shoulder, and his voice took on a different tone. Gentler, somehow. “I’ve met a million women—literally a million—just like her. Insecure and unsatisfied, only taking pleasure in one-upping others instead of celebrating what they’ve accomplished.”

“You’re saying she can’t help it?”

“In a way.” He blew out a breath. “I was just teaching her a lesson.”

“Lesson?”

“Yes. That she can’t always take whatever she wants from you.”

“So, you were affectionate with me, spending time with me, acting all protective because you were toying with them?”

“Now you get it. I knew you were a smart girl.”

“Oh.” Yes, she definitely understood. And truth be told, as she replayed the events in her head, it all made sense. It was difficult to reconcile that while her sisters loved her, they could, in fact, still treat her badly. But as Eros said, that wasn’t a failing on her part, but on theirs.

“So…do you want to mess with them some more?” He waggled his eyebrows at her.

“How?”

“We can keep going. At the brunch.”

“Oh, you mean act like…” She didn’t want to say boyfriend because now she felt silly after misreading the situation. “Like we’re sleeping together?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not harming anyone, is it?”

She chewed at her bottom lip. “I suppose not.” All these years, she’d been trying to understand them and their behaviors, not to mention, give excuses, and all the while, neither of them thought to do the same for her. Now that she replayed the events in her head from last night, she could see exactly how her sisters, particularly Christine, got some of their own medicine back, which, she was petty enough to admit, felt good.

“Well?”

“Alright. Let’s do it.”

Grinning at her, he offered his arm to her. “We’ll put on a good show.”

Agnes and Christine had already gone ahead as they had their own car and driver, which suited Psyche just fine as she used the time to go through her routine and calm herself before the assault on her senses. She had never been to the Full Moon diner before, but from her previous experiences, restaurants were loud, noisy places, not to mention, all the mixed scents of food, coffee, and sweat were grating on her sensitive shifter sense. Thankfully, by the time they entered the diner, her anxiety levels had gone down significantly. Scanning the room, she found Christine and Agnes in a semi-circular booth in the far corner.

A warm hand covered hers. “Ready?” Eros said, giving her a playful smirk.

“Yup.”

They strode toward the booth, where her sisters were deep in conversation.

“… can’t believe this is the only decent restaurant in this little—Psyche!” Agnes’s face lit up as she saw her, but then fell. “And you brought Lord Eros.”

“Of course she did.” Eros said. “I couldn’t bear to be apart from her.”

“I, for one, am glad you are here, Lord Eros. How lovely to see you again.” There was a distinct breathiness to Christine’s tone. “I was disappointed that you left so soon.” She scooted further into the circular booth and rubbed her hand on the empty spot next to her. “Please make yourself comfortable.

“Don’t mind if I do.” Instead of sitting next to her, however, he ushered Psyche into the other end next to Agnes and sat on the end. “There’s no menu here, but it’s all the usual stuff–eggs, toast, bacon, sausages, pancakes. If you can say it, they can make it.”

“I’m having an egg white omelet and coffee,” Christine said. “You should order the same, Psyche. It’s about as healthy and low calorie as you can get.”

“The pancakes are divine,” Eros said. “And they give you a stack as tall as your head.”

“That sounds good,” Psyche said. “And some bacon, too.”

Christine leaned forward, her perfectly-manicured red nails scraping the Formica top. “Isn’t that a little too greasy?”

Eros didn’t even look at Christine. “With extra, extra bacon.” He waved at the waitress, who hurried over to fill their coffee cups as she took their orders.

“So, Lord Eros,” Agnes began. “You never did tell us what you were doing on earth, particularly with the Alaska pack.”

“No, I didn’t.” His expression never wavered, even as awkward silence filled the air.

Christine cleared her throat. “Gods and goddesses have their reasons, which are only known to them. But surely, you’re not staying long here on earth? You must have so many duties to attend to, being the god of love and desire, and are eager to go back to Mount Olympus.”

“Yes, but there’s a thing or two keeping me down here.” He glanced over at Psyche, lids drooping and his eyes lingered on her lips, making her stomach perform a somersault. “In any case, why the interest in me? I thought you wanted to spend time with Psyche before you left? Don’t you want to know more about her work and how she’s faring?”

“Of course,” Agnes sniffed. “Psyche, you know how terribly proud we all are of your accomplishments. Dad and Mom miss you and send their love, and they can’t wait to see you when you come home for Dad’s sixtieth birthday party back home in a few weeks.”

“I miss them too.” When she got the news that she was accepted for the program at Denali, there was so much to do before the trip that she hadn’t had time to make a visit home. A pang in her chest filled her with sadness at the reminder of how far away she was from them and her home. “But yeah, I’m excited to see them.”

Agnes continued. “Have you started your dig yet?”

“No, the actual work begins next week.” She explained everything that had happened in the last week to them and the details of her upcoming research. Truly, she could go on and on about the subject, and most of the time, she did until whoever she was talking to had found some excuse to cut her short or to leave. Now, however, despite her excitement at the topic, she sometimes stuttered or forgot a word or two as Eros showered her with affection. It began with placing his arm around her, but soon, he was touching her arm, brushing her hair from her face, or even nuzzling at her cheek. It sent all kinds of warm and fuzzy sensations throughout her body and made her tongue trip up.

He’s only doing this as part of our show , she reminded herself, even as the hand inching up the top of her thigh made her breath catch. When their food arrived, he stopped touching her, though he did offer her bites from his plate every once in a while.

“It all sounds wonderful, Psyche,” Agnes said when she finally finished telling them all about the program. Despite her pushy nature, her older sister had always been supportive of her, encouraging her to excel in school and work. “Once you have your PhD, remind me to set up a meeting with the president of Harvard. I met him last month at a conference.”

“You know, I could have gone to Harvard,” Christine said. “My grades were good enough, but my guidance counselor said I should take a gap year and think about whether I was ready for such an intense environment.”

Psyche, having seen her sister’s report card, highly doubted that, and while Christine did take that gap year traveling around Europe, it seemed she had yet to return as she didn’t bother to re-apply for any universities and had since spent most of her time the last few years partying with her friends.

“That was a great brunch, ladies,” Eros declared. “How about dessert?”

“Sounds good,” Christine agreed. “What do you recommend?”

“I always have the chocolate cake. I can’t leave this place without having at least a slice.”

The she-wolf let out a melodious laugh. “Really? But then again, you are a god, and you never have to worry about your physique.”

Something about the way her sister’s eyes roamed over Eros made her chest burn, and for the first time in her life, she was tempted to swipe her claws at Christine.

“True, but then I don’t understand this mortal obsession with counting calories. As long as you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else, why not enjoy all the earthly delights?” He licked his lips as he placed his arm around Psyche, and that earlier burning in her chest eased.

“But why do you stick to just chocolate cake then, my lord?” Christine leaned back and raised an eyebrow. “There are so many more desserts and sweets available. Have you ever tried, let’s say”—her gaze flicked toward the dessert display on the counter—“the strawberry pie?”

“Why bother, when chocolate satisfies my craving?”

“It’s getting late,” Agnes declared. “We should make our way to the airport. Christine, take care of the check while I go to the bathroom.”

“We’ll meet you outside.” Eros slid out of the booth, taking Psyche’s hand. His calloused fingers entwined with hers, engulfing them in a warm cocoon.

“How was that?” he asked once they were outside and stood by their borrowed vehicle. “Did we give a good show?”

“I think so.” She grinned, remembering how Christine’s face turned all red whenever Eros nuzzled at her temple or reached over to touch her hair. “But just so we’re clear, I’m chocolate cake, right?”

He let out a laugh, a rich, melodic tone that made the bottoms of her feet tingle. “Yes, Psyche darling, you are very much chocolate cake.” As his laughter died down, something shifted in the air. His silvery-blue eyes darkened as they lowered once again to stare at her lips.

“Eros?”

“Yes?”

“Will you kiss me?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” She peeked over his shoulder. “Because Christine and Agnes are about to come out of the diner, oh—” His mouth cut her off before she could continue.

Kissing had always been a peculiar concept to Psyche. Indeed, the melding together of lips, tongues, and saliva seemed an impractical way to show affection or stimulate sexual excitement. But this kiss…

Eros started soft, brushing against her lips gently. But then it deepened, the pressure of his mouth turned insistent. Her heart did the most curious flutter, and her fingers dug into the hard muscles of his shoulders to steady herself. His one hand gripped at her waist and pulled her closer, while the other cupped her cheek, tilting her head slightly and parting her lips so his tongue could swipe at her lower lip. She opened to him eagerly, wanting to taste him so badly. A gasp escaped her mouth when he pushed her against the door of the car, pinning her with his hard body.

“Psyche.” Someone—Agnes or Christina, maybe—said, but Psyche couldn’t quite bring herself to pull away from Eros to find out.

Her arms wound around his neck to pull him closer, her tongue flicking out to touch his?—

“Psyche, for God’s sake, stop sucking face for a second so we can say goodbye!”

She broke off the kiss first, thankful that she leaned against the car because otherwise, she wasn’t sure her knees would support her. “Agnes, Christine.”

Both her sisters were wide-eyed, their jaws slackened. Agnes recovered quickly, but Christine’s nostrils flared, and she reminded Psyche of those cartoon characters who had steam coming out of their ears.

“This isn’t fair,” she muttered. “She always gets everything.”

Agnes’s head cut toward her. “We’re gonna go now, say goodbye, Chrissy.”

Her middle sister muttered something under her breath as she crossed her hands over her chest.

“I’ll see you in a few weeks, dear.” Agnes stepped forward and raised her arms toward her, but stopped when Eros shot her a pointed look. “And Lord Eros, if you find yourself still earthbound a few weeks from now, do come and join us for my father’s birthday party. My parents and pack would consider it an honor if you grace us with your presence.”

“A generous invite, thank you, Agnes.”

“Come along.” Agnes tugged at Christine’s arm and dragged her off toward the large, heavily-tinted SUV across the lot. As soon as they drew near, the suited driver leaning against the side smoking a cigarette snapped to attention, and he scrambled to open the door.

“We put on quite a show, didn’t we?”

Psyche took a deep, calming breath. He doesn’t like you, she reminded herself. Yet, he checked off one more thing on that list—wants only to be with you, at least that’s what she inferred from the chocolate cake’s meaning.

He was just playacting. A ruse—one she agreed to—to get back at her sisters.

Yet, that pain in her chest buried deeper.

“Ready to go back? You should get some rest; we have a long flight tomorrow.”

She groaned at the reminder. “Alright, I need to prepare myself.”