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17

Kaebl

I toss and turn for hours, the warmth of the furs doing nothing to assuage the frost seeping beneath my skin, the knowledge that Dagny is in the other room and I cannot touch her. When I can’t take any more, I rise to a sitting position, swiping my palm across my sweat-coated forehead with a silent groan.

I need some fresh air.

I know I shouldn’t, that if I travel to ground level, I’m at risk of running into a horde of arachnyx or any other nocturnal creatures of The Far Place. It’s a risk to my life, yet I can’t stop crawling toward the small tunnel leading to the exit.

As soon as I’m free from the hollowed welwig trunk, I breathe a sigh of relief, the crisp night air flowing down my throat and invigorating the blood in my veins. My wings materialize from the shadows, snapping down in a powerful movement that has me launching into the skies. I freefall for a few seconds, relishing in the violent wind whipping around my head, sucking the air from my lungs.

My wings spread, slowing my descent just before I reach the canopy, allowing me to gain my bearings. My claws extend, wrapping around the twining limb like a vise to gain purchase. A flapping sound breaks the silence as my wings beat the air, keeping me balanced as I settle atop my perch. The crystalline leaves of the welwig rustle in the breeze like wind chimes, filling the night air with a sweet, melodic tinkling.

The branch creaks beneath my weight as I lower my chin into my hand, my eyes lazily scanning the horizon as my mind is tormented with thoughts of the past.

A rustling noise breaks out to my right, raising the hair on the back of my neck and sending a spike of adrenaline rushing through my veins. My muscles tense, preparing for a fight—but then Malice’s smirking face peeks out from the branches of the tree on my right, and irritation replaces every ounce of anxiety in my body.

What do you want?

“So rude, ” he grumbles, climbing to the top of the welwig and positioning his body in the same way as mine. “If you didn’t want me to follow, you shouldn’t have made such a ruckus when you were leaving the lair.”

I wasn’t aware I did.

Malice nods. “You’re heavy-footed, dear Kaebl. It’s your burden to bestow on the rest of the world.”

A puff of vapor billows out from my nose with my scoff. If you came to mock me, I suggest you find another spot to perch.

Malice shrugs. “I just thought you might like some company.”

I don’t.

“Pity.” He shrugs again but refuses to leave. He does, however, remain silent—a small mercy after all he’s put me through.

We sit in silence for a long while, listening to the tinkling of the welwig leaves as we breathe in the fresh night air. But being in his presence brings up those awful memories, and before I can stop, I ask the question I swore I never would.

Why did you do it?

Malice stares out at the horizon, refusing to look despite my stare boring a hole into his profile. “Do what?”

Any of it. All of it. I blow out a breath, attempting to keep my anger in check. Why spare us? Why do any of it at all?

He turns his head to the side slowly, a knowing gleam in his glowing red eye. “After all these years, all that logic you possess, and you fail to understand. The irony has never been lost on me.” He shakes his head sadly. “It doesn’t matter… The reason I originally started this all ceases to matter. It all changed the moment I saw her, the moment I knew she was real.” He laughs softly. “The fates really are cruel. Offering her when I had already set it into motion—when there was no going back.”

You could have told me what was happening. You could have shown me where you buried Abaddon’s heart so we could reverse the sundering and stop Slaine ? —

“And that is exactly why I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want to reverse the sundering. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—forfeit my life just to kill that misty-eyed freak. Not when we could do it without Abaddon. Not when we still can.”

You’re a fool, then.

“No, Kaebl—you are. And if not a fool, then willingly blind to anything that doesn’t fit within your narrow-minded view of how things should be. Things are hardly black or white, no matter how much you wish it to be. There were alternatives to getting what you wanted—what we both wanted—and when you and the others failed to accept that, I had to move on alone. I had to find a way to survive.”

Kaebl’s gaze narrows, though his expression remains stony. And you had to betray the rest of us to do it.

“Yes.”

And if Dagny never came along?

He shrugs. “You and the others would be rotting in Slaine’s dungeons. He would be dead, and I would be ruling his wretched kingdom. That, and searching the world over for my mate.” He looks off into the distance, a wry smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “You know it’s funny… just how much seeing her for the first time changed everything.”

Why change the plan at all? Seems like you’d still get everything you wanted, plus Dagny all to yourself.

He shrugs. “Maybe it’s because I don't really want to be a king. Perhaps it's because I was afraid I would fail. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t ambitious enough to do it on my own.”

You’re lying.

He chuckles softly. “I guess I am. When you lie to others so often and for so long, it becomes a comfort to lie to yourself as well.” He stares into the distance, his eyes glossing. “Truthfully… it’s because I knew she’d never forgive me.”

His eyes find mine across the distance, and I’m struck with an overwhelming flood of devastation down the bond we share. “She would never forgive me if I left you to die or I ripped her away from any of her other mates. This path—the one where I save you—is the one where I have a chance. A possibility of her mercy, no matter how small.”

You love her.

“I worship her,” he answers.

The absolution in his tone strikes me to my core, and I tip my head to the side, seeing Malice in a brand-new light. Then we are not so different after all.

His gaze cuts to the side, shining with a secret shared between just us two.

“I guess not.”